\ 


HOME  THOUGHTS 


These  Essays  are  reprinted  by  permission  of  the 

New  York  Evening  Post 

in  whose  columns  they  have  appeared 


fU-rf^^        /JtCiU, 


/f^/. 


HOME 
THOUGHTS 


By   C. 


NEW    YORK     •    A.S.BARNES 
AND     COMPANY     •     M  C  M I 


Copyright,  igo/,  by 
A.  S.  Barnes  ifl  Co. 


FiKST  Edition   printed   May,    1901 
Reprinted  Ji-'ne,   1901 
AND  September,   1901 


UNIVERSITY   PRESS         JOHN  WILSON 
AND      SON      ■      CAMBRIDGE,     U.  8.  A. 


Whatever  degree  of  success  this  reprint  of  "  Home 
Thoughts'*  may  express,  I  desire  gratefully  to 
associate  with  my  friend 

WILLIAM   A.   LINN 

(Late  Managing  Editor  of  the  New  York  Evening  Post) 

to  whose  encouragement  and  fostering  care  they  owe 
their  "  local  habitation  and  their  name  ' ' 

C 


CONTENTS 


Chapter  Page 

I.  A  Tuft  of  Hepaticas i 

II.  The  Eve  of  the  Easter  Festival  ....  12 

III.  A  Neglected  Subject  of  Education    ...  23 

IV.  My  Son's  Wife  and  my   Daughter's  Hus- 

band         34 

V.  After  the  Wedding 44 

VI.  Living  up  to  the  Wedding  Presents       .     .  54 

VII.  The  Lady  of  the  House 63 

VIIL  The    Homelessness    of    Certain     Married 

Women 72 

IX.  Mistresses  and  Maids 81 

X.  The  Eldest  Born 93 

XI.  Disagreeable  Children 103 

XII.  The  Unconquerable  "  Ego"        .      .     .      .  ill 

XIII.  What  constitutes  a  Dull  Child     ....  123 

XIV.  Children  as  our  Judges 130 

XV.  Our  Friend  the  Family  Doctor    ....  140 

XVI.  The  Snare  of  Useless  Regret 150 

XVII.  Wives  as  Partners  :   Keeping  Accounts  .      .  158 

XVIII.  Etiquette  of  Family  Life i6g 

vii 


Contents 


Chapter  Page 

XIX.  The  Lamentable  Publicity  of  Modern  Life  I  80 

XX.  Moral  Responsibility  of  Entertaining   .     .  190 

XXL  Friendship  and  Consolation  of  a  Garden  .  201 

XXIL    Music  as  a  Family  Bond 212 

XXIIL    Responsibility  for  Influence 221 

XXIV.  The  Education  of  the  Citizen  .     .     .     .  231 

XXV.  Comradeship  of  Husbands  and  Wives      .  242 

XXVI.    Purpose  and  Drift 251 

XXVII.    Disappointment  not  Failure 262 

XXVIII.    Era  of  too  Plain  Speech 272 

XXIX.    Decline  of  Life 282 

XXX.    Christmas  Thoughts 292 

XXXI.  Fascination  of  the  Unknown  Future    .     .  302 


Vlll 


HOME  THOUGHTS 

I 

A    TUFT    OF    HEPATICAS 

ON  the  Saturday  which  lies  between 
the  gloom  of  Good  Friday  and  the 
joyous  dawn  of  Easter  morning,  it 
does  not  seem  possible  to  write  of 
every-day  affairs,  and  Home  Thoughts,  while 
they  may  not  take  on  themselves  the  deepest 
significance  of  the  religious  character  of  either 
the  great  fast  or  the  glorious  festival,  naturally 
fail  into  the  mood  which  rules  the  world. 

The  shop  windows  are  gay  with  color  and 
beautiful  with  delicate  fabrics  full  of  varying 
tender  tints  :  gazing  into  the  florist's  window, 
the  poor  covet,  and  within  the  doors  the  rich 
buy,  flowers  which  the  most  stolid  cannot 
pass  without  a  longing  desire  to  possess. 
The  graceful  branches  of  the  genesta  and  the 
cheery  faces  of  the  daffodils  seem  to  have 
held  sunshine  captive  and  give  light.     There 


Home  Thoughts 


is  an  expansive,  free,  receptive  air,  which 
one  cannot  describe,  noticeable  everywhere. 
Dwellings  no  longer  seem  intended  solely  for 
shelter  and  defence  against  the  elements,  but 
as  gathering  places  for  folk  to  be  happy  in, 
and  the  shop  doors  swing  to  and  fro,  with  a 
curious  sense  of  welcome,  alien  to  the  mere 
thought  of  trade  and  bargain. 

There  is  a  difference  even  in  the  aspect 
of  the  people ;  they  have  lost  that  high- 
shouldered  look  of  shrinking  from  the  cold, 
and  walk  along  freely  and  with  a  more  elastic 
step,  and  nine-tenths  of  the  women  have  a 
blossom  on  their  breasts.  The  soft  clouds 
float  high  above  the  smoky  city,  and  the  sun- 
shine, falling  upon  the  winter-beaten  walls, 
has  that  golden  quality  which  tells  the  initi- 
ated that  it  has  come  to  waken  life. 

On  my  desk  stands  a  small  earthen  pot 
filled  with  a  tuft  of  hepaticas,  lifted  by  kindly 
hands  and  brought  to  me  as  a  harbinger  of 
spring.  There  were  blossoms  and  buds, 
modest  little  darlings  robed  in  gowns  of  lilac 
and  white,  when  first  it  came  ;  they,  for  the 
greater   part,   have   run  their  short   race   and 

2 


A  Tuft  of  Hepaticas 


vanished,  but  now  sturdy  leaflets  are  pushing 
their  way  up  through  the  moss  to  seek  the 
warmth  of  my  window.  Their  trefoiled 
leaves  are  folded  and  closed,  and  they  bend 
their  heads  downward,  still  wrapped  in  their 
soft  fur  coverings,  as  if  timid  regarding  what 
they  shall  find  above  the  dark  surface  of  their 
winter  hiding-place.  Set  where  the  warm 
morning  sun  can  gain  full  access  to  their 
hearts,  it  is  a  delight  to  see  their  shy  yet 
steadfast  unfolding,  under  this  beneficent  in- 
fluence. It  sets  one  thinking  of  all  the  hill- 
sides lying  towards  the  south,  where  endless 
quantities  of  frail  blossoms  and  gently  stirring 
leafage  are  lifting  themselves  to  clothe  the 
earth  with  beauty ;  of  woodlands  where, 
under  dun  coverings  of  dead  leaves,  arbutus 
flowers  are  giving  forth  their  delightful  odors, 
and  of  thousands  upon  thousands  of  anemones 
and  frail  spring  beauties  rising  in  fairy  circles 
at  the  roots  of  trees  still  bare ;  and  of  places 
where,  by  looking  upward,  one  can  see  against 
the  mellowing  sky  the  expanding  leaf-buds 
bursting  their  marvellous  winter  coverings. 
Says    Carlyle,    "  From    a  small   window  one 

3 


Home  Thoughts 


may  see  the  infinite."  My  pot  of  hepaticas 
have  shown  me  all  the  handiwork  of  spring. 

"  The  restitution  of  all  things  "  ;  that  is 
nature's  spring  song,  and  no  wonder  that  it  is 
dear  to  man.  All  the  lost  things  torn  from 
us  by  autumn  winds  and  frost  have  come 
again;  not  new  things,  but  those  we  loved 
last  year.  We  cannot  miss  one  lovely  line, 
nor  fragile  bit  of  color ;  the  faint  fragrance 
has  not  changed  its  delicate  refreshment,  but 
lures  us  with  the  self-same  woodland  sweet- 
ness. High  hopes  of  dearer  things,  lost  to 
his  sight,  cheer  man's  heart  as  he  notes  this. 

I  knew  a  woman  broken-hearted,  and  liv- 
ing in  a  childless  home,  who  comforted  her- 
self by  planting  great  beds  of  hyacinths,  when 
in  the  autumn  all  nature  was  dying.  Noth- 
ing looks  more  hopelessly  dead  than  a  hyacinth 
bulb  ;  it  is  enveloped  in  fibrous  husks,  one 
over  the  other,  brown,  dry,  utterly,  hopelessly 
dead.  The  finer  sorts  bearing  their  distinc- 
tive names  stand  out  from  the  mass  of  their 
large  family  as  individuals ;  this  gardener 
planted  only  such,  and  at  each  bed  she  hol- 
lowed to  receive  the  bulb,  she  firmly  placed 

4 


A  Tuft  of  Hepaticas 


a  clearly  written  name.  Under  the  frosty 
November  moonlight  the  great  beds  looked 
like  miniature  cemeteries  filled  with  tiny 
head-stones.  When  December  came  they 
were  covered  wholly  out  of  sight  with  thick 
coatings  of  dry  leaves,  and  the  woman  looked 
out  at  them  even  when  the  snow  added  yet 
another  covering,  and  waited  for  the  spring 
with  an  interest  which  never  flagged. 

When  April  came  and  the  outer  wrap  was 
drawn  away,  the  rich  green  tufts  of  leaves 
pushed  themselves  towards  the  light ;  when 
mid-May  gave  them  the  warmth  they  needed, 
each  full  truss  stood  in  its  appointed  place, 
true  to  its  name  and  nature.  The  lines  soft- 
ened about  the  woman's  patient  mouth,  and 
her  eyes  brightened.  "  See,"  she  would  say  ; 
"  how  true  they  are ;  they  are  exactly  as  I 
looked  for  them  to  be.  Not  a  mark  is  want- 
ing." She  said  nothing  of  a  different  garden, 
far  away,  where  the  children  she  had  lost  were 
sleeping,  but  we  knew  what  her  thoughts  were 
like. 

The  old  grow  older  as  winter  draws  near, 
and  feel  their  "  natural  force  abating  "   with 

5 


Home  Thoughts 


the  death  of  the  flowers  and  the  falling  of 
the  leaves.  They  lose  heart  and  hope  and 
find  it  hard  to  make  an  efibrt  to  use  the 
strength  which  remains  to  them.  Spring's 
influence  is  almost  as  great  upon  them  as 
upon  the  vegetable  world ;  the  sunshine 
creates  a  desire  to  live,  and  they  become 
eager  to  see  how  Nature  is  clothing  herself 
again  with  loveliness  and  strength. 

And  as  to  the  churchman  "all  Sundays  are 
little  Easters,"  so  in  the  family  life  all  spring- 
times bring  back  thoughts  of  experiences 
which  have  been,  like  risings  again  from  trials 
that  have  been  deathlike  in  their  tenacity  and 
in  their  power  to  kill  hope.  All  this  expan- 
sion and  glow  of  light  and  warmth  and  color, 
all  this  renewal  of  strength,  is  the  only  fitting 
type  of  these  comings  to  life  again  after 
agonies  of  fear  and  distress. 

They  who  have  watched  beside  beds  where, 
in  feeblest  possible  rhythm,  a  heart  beloved 
has  faintly  beaten,  until  there  was  a  doubt 
whether  it  moved  at  all,  and  after  losing  all 
hope  have  slowly  marked  a  little  added  force 
come    back,    and  watched    a    tinge    of  color 

6 


A  Tuft  of  Hepaticas 


return  to  a  ghastly  cheek,  and  heard  a  voice, 
long  silent,  speak,  know  what  coming  to  life 
again  means.  They  realize  the  idea  of 
resurrection. 

Men  who  have  seen  fortune  slip  away  from 
them,  and  found  caution  and  acumen  and 
grasp  of  circumstances  wholly  futile,  and 
stood  on  the  verge  of  ruin,  and  at  the  last 
ebb  of  power  have  seen  the  tide  turn  and 
their  place  among  men  restored  to  them  at 
some  unlooked-for  moment,  know  what  it 
means  when  it  is  said  that  life  has  been  given 
back  to  a  man. 

And  a  yet  dearer,  higher  similitude  comes 
to  a  mother  who  has  lost  all  hope  for  a  son 
determined  to  cast  himself  down  and  live 
within  the  circle  of  debasing  influences,  but 
who  casts  them  off  and  walks  the  earth  again 
master  of  himself  and  once  more  a  free  man. 
The  hour  of  his  birth,  though  he  were  her 
first-born,  is  as  nothing  to  this  return  to  a 
life  worth   living. 

Though  there  may  be  no  mental  recogni- 
tion of  the  reflex  action  of  the  teaching  of  the 
spring,  yet  it  is  this  accumulation  of  experience 

7 


Home  Thoughts 


which  makes  our  hearts  glad,  and  sends  us 
forth  to  greet  each  other  with  congratulations 
where  the  sun  is  giving  an  emerald  hue  to  the 
grass  and  the  wind  is  shaking  loose  the  red 
blossoms  of  the  maples. 

One  lovely  token  of  the  deep-rooted  enjoy- 
ment of  reviving  nature  is  the  eagerness  with 
which  charitable  people  agitate  means  to 
insure  a  week  or  two  of  country  life  to  the 
poor.  The  waifs  of  the  street  become  sources 
of  renewed  interest,  and  desire  grows  into 
effort  to  see  each  grimy  little  face  in  country 
surroundings,  and  set  every  pair  of  shoeless 
feet  racing  over  green  fields.  The  impetus 
seems  to  come  with  the  vernal  equinox,  and 
to  be  as  perennial  as  the  stirring  sap  in  the 
tree-trunks. 

Happy  are  they  who  turn  toward  country 
homes.  Nothing  more  refreshing  comes  into 
a  tired  man's  way  than  his  first  visit  to  his 
country  place  after  the  tide  has  turned  and 
the  stir  of  spring  is  in  the  air.  The  newly 
upturned  sod  sends  up  an  odor  that  God 
surely  meant  should  be  grateful  to  his  senses  ; 
the  sense  of  preparation,  the  look  of  restora- 

8 


A  Tuft  of  Hepaticas 


tion,  are  delightful  to  his  weary  brain.  If  his 
dog  welcomes  him  and  his  horse  is  in  good 
condition,  he  feels  himself  far  richer  than  he 
did  yesterday,  when  he  rushed  from  his  office 
to  his  club.  The  uncovering  of  the  straw- 
berries and  the  asparagus  is  an  event  of  im- 
portance ;  the  violet  frames  are  worth  any 
Fifth  Avenue  florist's  gorgeous  display,  the 
hotbeds  are  full  of  promise,  and  a  brood  of 
young  chicks,  irrespective  of  their  strain,  is 
full  of  charm.  His  chat  with  the  gardener  is 
of  far  more  interest  than  the  committee  meet- 
ing of  yesterday,  and  he  grieves  when  the 
setting  sun  and  train-time  call  him  cityward. 

But  he  loves  spring  best  who  has  hibernated 
in  some  solitary  hillside  farm,  with  nothing 
but  the  daily  routine  of  feeding  his  cattle,  the 
arrival  of  the  weekly  newspaper,  and  the 
Saturday  visit  to  the  country  store  to  vary  a 
life  in  which  the  body  ages  from  disuse  and 
the  mind  grows  dull  from  lack  of  contact  with 
the  world.  To  such  a  one  the  sight  of  the 
first  bluebird  perched  on  the  top  of  the  pump, 
where  it  has  gone  in  search  of  a  chilly  drink, 
is  a  positive  thrill  of  delight.      Not  long  will 

9 


Home  Thoughts 


it  be  before  wholesome  activity  and  work 
which  is  useful  to  his  fellow-men  will  be 
within  his  reach,  and  the  cattle,  aimlessly- 
chewing  the  scattered  corn-stalks  in  the  barn- 
yard, be  cropping  the  young  grass.  A  man 
like  this  may  not,  with  spiritually  enlightened 
eyes,  watch  with  admiring  wonder  the  ephem- 
eral beauty  of  the  woods,  coloring  as  their 
life-blood  stirs  in  their  hearts,  but  he  is  apt 
to  look  long  and  happily  over  the  scene  that 
has  been  so  wearily  asleep,  and  to  take  off  his 
hat  that  the  wind  may  blow  across  his  fore- 
head. And  his  voice  has  a  ring  of  good 
cheer  as  he  returns  to  the  house  and  calls  out, 
"Mother,  I  seen  a  bluebird!"  It  always 
strikes  me  with  a  pleasant  recognition  of  what 
the  husband  thinks  his  wife's  highest  title 
when  he  calls  her  "  Mother." 

While  full  of  homesick  thoughts  of  country 
sights  and  sounds,  I  yesterday  passed  through 
a  small  square,  where  a  fountain  was  playing 
and  the  winter  covering  was  removed  from 
the  bulbs.  Two  besotted  men,  more  animal 
than  human,  sat  watching  the  strong,  green 
crowns  pushing  through  the  rich  soil.      Their 

lO 


A  Tuft  of  Hepaticas 


eyes  seemed  too  dull  to  see,  their  swollen 
faces  were  without  expression.  Said  one  of 
them  :  "  I  've  been  trying  to  count  every  one 
of  them  plants.  This  time  o'  year  I  come 
every  morning  to  see  how  much  they  Ve 
growed.  I  wish  they  'd  hurry  up  and  bloom." 
I  looked  at  him  in  wonder,  and  found  hope 
even  for  him,  since  the  life-giving  spirit  of 
God's  springtime  had  power  to  waken  some 
joy  in  his  heart. 


II 


Home  Thoughts 


II 

THE    EVE    OF    THE    EASTER 
FESTIVAL 

LIFE,  life,  everywhere  life  is  the  token 
that  Easter  Even  is  here  !  The  sym- 
^bolic  egg,  the  chrysalis,  and  the  but- 
terfly, the  whole  world  of  color  and 
of  blossom,  enrich  the  gay  windows  of  the 
shops.  The  cheerful  crowd  upon  the  streets, 
even  though  hurrying  through  a  sharply  cold 
atmosphere  and,  perchance,  this  year  sprinkled 
with  snow-flakes  in  place  of  April  showers, 
are  gay  with  flowers  at  buttonholes  or  as  a 
breast-knot. 

Even  to  those  to  whom  Lent  is  a  word 
without  meaning  and  Holy  Week  chiefly 
noticeable  as  a  dull  time  at  the  theatres,  there 
comes  a  vigorous  intimation  that  the  great 
majority  of  persons  are  glad  about  something 
and  that  there  is  a  stir  of  rejoicing  in  the  air. 
To  the  dullest  brain,  or  to  him  whose  ideas 
of  immortality  are  either  only  philosophic 
dreams  akin  to  Plato's  peradventures,  or  mere 


12 


The  Eve  of  the  Easter  Festival 

dim,  savage  intuitions  which  bring  thoughts 
of  "  happy  hunting  grounds  "  as  the  fate  of  a 
human  soul  more  probable  than  annihilation, 
there  is  a  quickening  sense  that  the  life  of 
man  means  something  more  than  a  few  brief 
years  of  anxious  existence  and  an  exit  like  the 
going  out  of  a  candle. 

The  perfect  blossom  from  the  husky  bulb, 
the  soft  catkin  pushing  through  its  horny 
cerements,  the  peeping  chick  beside  its  broken 
shell,  the  fluttering  rainbow  wings  of  the 
emancipated  butterfly  say  strange  things  to 
the  least  reflecting  of  the  throng  upon  the 
street,  and  bring  a  sense  of  pleasure  which 
he  does  not  stop  to  define. 

And  in  the  midst  of  this  joyous  display  and 
expressive  material  cheerfulness,  the  church 
makes  ready  to  cry  "  laud  and  hosanna "  ; 
alleluias  ring  out  with  every  word  of  highest 
praise  that  man  can  catch  from  all  the  spoken 
tongues  of  earth.  They  sing  the  risen  Christ 
triumphant  over  death. 

But  in  and  out  among  the  hurrying  and 
gift-laden  people  in  the  street  pass  women 
with  faces  veiled  with  crape,  and  conspicuous 

13 


Home  Thoughts 


in  the  gayly  dressed  congregation  stand  black- 
robed  figures  that  seem  like  perpetual  protes- 
tants  against  hope  and  happiness,  amid  the 
bright  freshness  of  the  typical  costumes, 
flowery  and  bright,  of  those  who  do  not 
mourn.  They  seem  to  gaze  at  the  newly 
opened  blossoms  on  the  altars  as  if  they 
knew  not  what  they  meant.  Their  hearts 
seem  to  be  dead  within  them,  and  to  have 
lost  the  power  to  be  glad. 

"There  is  no  flock,  however  watched  and  tended. 
But  one  dead  lamb  is  there  ; 
There  is  no  fireside,  howsoe'er  defended. 
But  has  one  vacant  chair." 

The  bitterness  is  past  our  telling,  the  lone- 
liness unspeakable,  the  loss  not  to  be  weighed 
in  scales  of  man's  creation.  Nor  does  time, 
which  brings  composure  and  builds  up  a  re- 
sisting armor  behind  which  expression  can 
hide  itself,  do  more  than  make  the  heart 
realize  that  submission  to  the  inevitable  is  the 
only  safeguard  of  a  sane  mind.  The  hourly, 
daily  routine  of  duty  and  work  is  the  conserv- 
ing power  which  maintains  the  brain  and  body 
in  healthful  equipoise. 

14 


The  Eve  of  the  Easter  Festival 

Let  us  find  some  still  place  where  we  may 
speak  of  what  the  healing  spirit  of  "  the  God 
of  Patience  and  Consolation"  brings  to  those 
who  mourn.  The  "  comfortable  words  "  of 
the  divine  compassion  are  better  heard  where 
the  world  does  not  enter.  Perhaps  some  one 
who  sits  with  a  trembling  hand  resting  on  the 
arm  of  a  newly  vacant  chair,  may  care  to  listen 
to  such  natural  and  practical  suggestions  as 
have  made  a  lonely  life  better  worth  living  to 
others,  her  sisters,  who  also  have  been  deso- 
late through  grief.  That  ample  chair,  so 
comfortable  in  its  cushioned  softness,  where 
marks  of  use  are  sacred  because  made  by  hands 
now  still  and  by  a  dear  head  which  rested 
there  after  much  wearing  thought,  shall  act  as 
reliquary  of  a  saint  and  make  a  place  of  sanc- 
tuary for  us. 

When  our  beloveds  go  a  little  way,  across 
the  sea  perhaps ;  when  they  are  absent  for  a 
time,  a  year  or  two  it  may  be,  how  do  we 
speak  of  them  ;  how  do  we  feel  towards  what 
they  loved  and  purposed  .''  Do  we  drop  their 
names  from  the  general  family  speech  ;  do  we 
shut  the  light  from  the  room  they  occupied  ; 

15 


Home  Thoughts 


do  we  count  it  an  evidence  of  love  towards 
them  to  live  a  life  against  which  they  would 
vehemently  protest,  and  abruptly  put  an  end 
to  what  they  fostered  and  enjoyed  ? 

Why  should  the  mightier  loss,  the  absence, 
which  for  lack  of  fitter  word  we  call  eternal, 
cause  us  to  do  these  things  ?  If  the  life 
which  has  ended  has  been  that  of  a  bright 
child  to  whom  a  sunbeam  was  a  playfellow 
and  a  dark  day  a  misfortune,  is  it  not  rational 
and  fitting  that  the  light  it  loved,  the  cheerful 
things  it  enjoyed  most,  should  be  conserved 
in  memory  of  its  radiant  life  ? 

I  knew  a  mother  who  had  held  close  to  her 
devoted  heart  a  little  child  blind  from  his 
birth  ;  when  the  beautiful  sightless  eyes  closed 
in  death,  she  dressed  herself  in  white  and  kept 
tears  from  off  her  cheeks.  In  the  great  per- 
adventure  which  her  soul  held  to  be  truth,  it 
might  be  that  her  boy  could  see  his  mother ; 
if  happily  this  should  be  so,  his  spiritual  eyes 
must  see  her  looking  lovely  and  lovable. 
His  mother  must  look  sweet  to  him.  Faith- 
ful and  faithless  can  surely  see  the  beautiful 
reality  of  perfect  love  in  this :  let  us  live  for 

i6 


The  Eve  of  the  Easter  Festival 

our  dead  such  lives  as  would  gladden  them  on 
either  side  the  veil,  and  be,  even  as  regards 
the  little  things  of  everyday  existence  (such  as 
the  clothes  we  wear,  the  smile  with  which  we 
cheer  our  neighbor  or  our  friend),  as  nearly  as 
we  may  what  would  have  pleased  them  best. 

When  the  head  and  pillar  of  the  house  is 
removed  from  his  place,  and  the  wife's  name 
is  changed  to  that  saddest  title  borne  by  woman, 
widow,  the  truest  honor  to  his  life  is  surely  to 
let  his  law  rule  in  the  household  he  built  up. 
If  his  has  been  a  cordial,  hospitable  reign,  glad 
to  welcome  stranger  and  friend,  and  his  voice 
been  of  good  cheer,  let  him  still  dwell  under 
his  own  roof  in  the  presence  of  these  qualities. 
If  his  genial  spirit,  his  cheering  views  of  life's 
problems  have  lifted  men  out  of  "  the  slough 
of  despond,"  and  his  laugh  been  like  a  pro- 
phylactic against  foreboding  fear,  do  not  shut 
out  his  influence  from  his  home,  but  let  it  be 
a  monument  to  his  lovable  nature.  So  he 
desired  it  to  be,  so  let  it  be  !  Downcast  eyes 
and  silence  at  his  board,  and  closed  doors,  and 
neglect  of  festival  observance  were  abhorrent 
to  him ;  let  her  with  whom  he  shared  his  rule 

2  17 


Home  Thoughts 


see  that  his  spirit  and  his  will  are  present  as 
long  as  she  can  order  the  methods  by  which 
his  home  is  governed.  Let  it  be  her  joyful 
pleasure  to  nurse  and  keep  alive  every  trace 
of  his  personality,  and  be  herself  his  memo- 
rial among  men  and  to  his  children.  Can 
grief  be  healed  by  subverting  all  the  course  of 
a  good  man's  life,  and  darkening  his  home, 
and  disregarding  all  the  order  of  his  noble 
endeavor  ? 

There  is  a  conquest  over  death,  a  possible 
triumph  over  its  grim  and  destroying  majesty, 
by  the  force  of  love  so  strong  that  it  loses 
itself  in  the  persons  beloved,  and  does  not 
need  to  see  and  hear  and  touch  in  order  to 
live  for  them  ;  a  love  that  orders  its  daily 
walk  in  noble  calmness  and  outgiving  good- 
will to  man ;  that  dwells  in  the  sunshine  and 
radiates  warmth,  because  of  its  supreme  devo- 
tion to  the  unseen  life,  and  is  in  unison,  so 
far  as  shadow  can  accompany  light,  with  the 
measureless  happiness  it  believes  the  departed 
to  enjoy. 

Amusement,  study,  travel,  change  cannot 
help  the  bereaved  to  smile,  nor  bring  peace 

i8 


The  Eve  of  the  Easter  Festival 

out  of  tribulation  ;  they  all  begin  and  end  in 
the  self  from  which  we  would  fain  escape. 
We  are  not  laboring  to  keep  green  a  beautiful 
memory,  nor  to  bless  the  world ;  all  these  are 
to  better  our  own  condition,  and  will  be  as 
fruitless  as  self-prompted  labors  always  are. 
The  only  power  by  which  the  awful  vacuum 
can  be  filled  is  the  active  principle  of  a  love 
so  intense  that  it  is,  in  itself,  an  evidence  of 
something  undying,  and  this  love  must  make 
itself  known  in  benefits  to  humanity.  Let  the 
widow,  who  has  first  made  her  home  life 
beautiful  by  devotion,  pass  outward  to  where 
her  sister  women  bear,  not  only  grief,  but 
want,  and  put  her  shoulder  to  the  double 
burden.  Nor  let  her  dream  it  a  small,  or 
even  to  herself  a  profitless  thing,  to  carry 
good  cheer  to  the  dreary,  even  if  they  dwell 
in  the  luxury  which  only  adds  to  their  sorrow 
by  leaving  them  idle.  The  quickly  trans- 
mitted spark  of  enkindling  interest  in  life  will 
warm  her  own  heart,  and  there  will  invariably 
come  a  touch  of  joy  which  will  be  her  part  of 
the  festival  brightness. 

To  let  our  special  form  of  grief  carry  us 

19 


Home  Thoughts 


where  in  memory  of  the  departed  we  become 
the  strength  of  the  weak  or  the  good  cheer 
of  the  forlorn  in  similar  relation,  is  a  wonder- 
ful transmutor  of  sorrowful  experience.  A 
childless  mother,  carrying  in  her  baby's  name 
maternal  solicitude  to  motherless  children, 
and  expending  her  tenderness  on  those  who 
have  no  one  left  to  gladden  their  young  lives, 
goes  like  one  specially  equipped  and  sent  to 
relieve  a  grievous  need.  To  soothe  and  help 
a  little  one  crying  for  an  absent  mother  can- 
not but  make  happy  a  woman  whose  arms  are 
emptied  by  death. 

The  young  girl,  yearning  for  the  touch  of 
a  mother's  hand  and  the  counsel  of  a  mother's 
voice,  will  expand  as  a  flower  in  the  sunshine 
if  to  some  aged  woman,  from  whose  home 
marriage  and  loss  have  carried  away  her 
daughters,  she  brings  again  a  child's  fond  care 
and  service.  "In  memory  of"  is  easily 
carved  on  very  stately  monuments,  on  which 
wet  eyes  look  hopelessly;  to  make  a  human 
heart  glad  in  remembrance  of  one  unseen, 
but  whom  love  cannot  let  die,  is  to  turn 
bereavement  into  a  conduit  of  refreshment  by 

20 


The  Eve  of  the  Easter  Festival 

which  the  lost-to-sight  continue  actively  pres- 
ent with  us  day  by  day. 

Losing  some  splendid  vitally  endowed 
young  son,  a  parent's  soul  is  only  wrung  with 
keener  anguish  while  it  shrinks  away  from 
boyish  laughter,  and  dreads  to  hear  of  pro- 
gressing manhood,  and  of  goals  attained  to- 
wards which  their  lad  had  struggled.  O  ! 
rather  keep  every  link  bright ;  let  not  a  com- 
rade fail  to  know  that  he  has  a  place  in  your 
heart  for  the  dead  boy's  sake;  let  memories 
of  his  temptations  guide  you  when  and  how 
to  aid  a  stumbling  foot ;  let  social  warmth 
invite  those  he  loved  to  continual  companion- 
ship in  the  house  to  which  he  first  drew  them 
into  intimacy ;  keep  him  living  in  your  heart 
and  theirs  — 

**  But  when  the  forest  is  full  of  ashes. 

While  still  the  flame  round  the  old  nest  flashes  ; 
'Tis  a  brave  bird  sits  on  a  charred  bough  and  sings," 

True,  but  it  is  only  the  "  brave  bird  "  who 
can  keep  her  heart  alive ! 

Easter,  glad  feast  of  life,  belongs  only  to 
those  who  are  alive  in  soul,  and  heart,  and 

21 


Home  Thoughts 


mind.  Hearts  buried  in  graves  have  but 
little  share  in  its  resurrecting  thrill  of  joy. 
Love  which  holds  on,  which  lives  for  its  own, 
and  makes  each  day  a  fruitful  memorial  in- 
stead of  a  measure  of  repining,  has  a  foretaste 
of  the  immortality  it  believes  in,  through  its 
conquest  of  death's  power  to  destroy. 


22 


A  Neglected  Subject  of  Education 


III 

A    NEGLECTED   SUBJECT    OF 
EDUCATION 

FOR  every  conceivable  avocation,  pro- 
fession, or  even  graceful  accomplish- 
ment, youthful  aspirants  are  schooled. 
They  are  taught  to  catch  every 
"  coigne  of  vantage,"  to  avoid  each  possible 
chance  of  defeat  and  disaster ;  but  when 
young  girls  and  men  approach  the  time  when 
they  may  naturally  expect  and  hope  to  marry, 
it  is  a  rare  thing  to  find  for  either  sex  that 
the  slightest  preparatory  teaching  has  been 
attempted  regarding  those  things  which  are  to 
mar  or  make  the  joy  or  wretchedness  of  two 
human  lives,  bound  with  an  irrevocable  bond. 
"  It  is  not,"  said  a  wise  woman  to  a  daugh- 
ter who  was  weighing  a  suitor  in  the  balance, 
"  whether  you  could  be  happy  with  this  man, 
but  whether  you  could  be  happy  without 
him  ?  "  It  was  like  an  electric-light  thrown 
upon  a  picture :  life  could  be  very  tolerable 

23 


Home  Thoughts 


to  the  young,  joyous  girl,  even  if  her  pleasant 
partner  in  many  a  merry  dance  was  to  fade 
out  of  sight. 

Position,  income,  personal  attractiveness, 
are  also  discussed,  as  debutantes  and  possible 
"  eligible  parties,"  pass  in  the  great  processions 
of  May  Fair,  but  rarely  does  a  mother  out  of 
the  deep  experiences  of  her  own  life  show  to 
her  children  that  the  marriage  vow  means 
self-abnegation,  mutual  patience  which  has  no 
limit,  suppression  of  temper,  resistance  of 
irritable  influences,  the  adapting  of  individual 
habits,  and  the  preference  of  mutual  benefit. 
Seldom  is  a  girl  taught  that  she  is  responsible 
for  a  righteous  use  of  her  husband's  means, 
and  that  she  is  a  partner  of  his  labor.  How 
many  girls  have  been  warned  that  to  adorn 
themselves  with  dress  and  ornament,  which 
become  burdensome  to  their  husbands'  purses, 
is  a  cruel  wrong  ? 

"  Some  day,  in  your  own  home,  dear 
daughter,  you  will  need  to  remember  this," 
ought  to  be  an  easily  attractive  preamble  to  a 
mother's  helpful  words.  And  to  her  sons, 
surely  every  joy  and  every  disappointment  of 

24 


A  Neglected  Subject  of  Education 


her  own  life  ought  to  furnish  her  a  means  of 
helping  them  not  to  enter  "  lightly  or  unad- 
visedly "  into  that  vowed  responsibiHty  which 
is  to  control  the  happiness  or  misery  of  a 
woman's  destiny. 

The  present  heartbreaking  frequency  of 
separations  and  divorces  cannot  but  make 
thinking  men  and  women  tremble  for  the 
steadfastness  of  those  foundations  upon  which 
their  children  are  building  the  walls  of  home. 
It  seems  easily  possible  that  many  of  these 
broken  vows  and  wrecked  lives  have  met  their 
fate  because  of  the  improper  way  in  which 
they  were  originally  united.  These  people 
have  built  for  themselves  dwellings  unce- 
mented  by  faithful  purpose,  and  ceiled  them 
with  a  covering  of  tinsel  gauze. 

In  view  of  what  is  an  inevitable  and  inte- 
gral certainty  of  married  life  and  responsibility, 
it  would  seem  that  it  could  not  be  hard  for  a 
mother  to  question  her  daughter  whether 
while  she  encouraged  the  devotion  of  her 
suitor  she  realized  that  if  she  accepted  him  as 
her  husband,  it  involved  honor  and  obedience, 
and  readiness  to  do  the  will   of  this  man  as 

25 


Home  Thoughts 


his  wife.  Yet  it  seems  that  common  cus- 
tom causes  mother  and  child  to  talk  much 
of  the  material  gain,  of  fair  dwellings,  and 
social  enjoyment,  and  little  of  the  words  in 
that  solemn  sequence  of  promises,  "  for  better, 
for  worse,  for  richer,  for  poorer,  in  sickness  as 
well  as  in  health,  until  death  doth  us  part." 
Do  the  parents  of  the  belle  of  the  season,  gayly 
choosing  from  half-a-dozen  wooers,  ever  ask  : 
"  Will  this  one  man's  love  and  admiration 
satisfy  your  hitherto  fickle  heart  and  you  be 
able  to  *  cleave  to  him  only  '  ?  " 

Marriage  seems  to  be  regarded  as  a  sort  of 
open  gate  to  more  and  more  indulgence  and 
gayety,  and  an  indefinite  promise  of  luxury. 
"  Can  and  will  you  be  ready  to  suffer  for  and 
with  this  man  ?  "  never  seems  to  be  a  query 
put  by  the  lips  of  loving  parents  to  a  would-be 
bride. 

Behind  the  scenes,  with  some  old  friend, 
and  yet  more  frequently  in  confidential  talks 
with  her  father,  the  mother  is  apt  to  say :  "  I 
am  very  anxious  about  Annette,  she  has  been 
so  indulged  and  never  had  any  responsibility ; 
I  am  afraid  she  will  never  be  able  to  take  life 

26 


A  Neglected  Subject  of  Education 

seriously."  Why  should  it  be  a  sealed  subject 
between  mother  and  daughter,  that  to  be  a 
good  wife  means  a  bended  will  and  a  tenderly 
considerate  self-forgetfulness ;  to  be  a  good 
mother  means  pain  of  body,  unending  faith- 
fulness to  absorbing  duty,  and  the  offering  of 
mind,  and  soul,  and  heart  on  the  altar  of 
maternal   devotion  ? 

Who  teaches  the  young  girls  of  to-day  that 
motherhood  is  the  crown  of  a  woman's  life, 
and  that  its  pains  and  self-denials  are  as  noth- 
ing in  the  scale  of  its  unutterable  bliss  and 
dignity  ? 

What  father  tells  his  son,  "  If  you  are  sure 
you  love  this  girl,  remember  that  you  will  have 
to  yield  all  your  previous  habits  to  make  her 
happy ;  she  will  not  bear  to  have  you  put 
your  profession  first,  you  will  have  to  curtail 
study,  go  into  society  with  her,  and  provide 
the  amusement  which  she  has  been  dependent 
upon  from  her  babyhood  ?  Do  not  ask  her  to 
give  herself  into  your  keeping,  until  you  have 
weighed  her  in  the  balance.  Is  she  worth  to 
you  the  alteration  of  every  line  in  your  past 
life  ? " 

27 


Home  Thoughts 


Nine  out  of  ten  young  people  are  fully 
convinced  that  the  faults  and  peculiarities  they 
see  in  their  best  beloved  can  easily  be  changed 
"after  we  are  married."  Why  marry  what 
must  be  altered  to  make  you  happy  ?  This 
is  a  strange,  yet  ever  present  and  active  factor 
in  the  majority  of  marriages,  and  alas  !  the 
cause  of  many  a  broken  hope,  the  misery  of 
many  a  disappointed  heart. 

"  The  girl  is  so  recklessly  extravagant  that 
I  fear  you  can  never  meet  her  demands,"  says 
a  friend.  The  lover  smiles  triumphantly : 
"  Oh  !  she  will  give  all  that  up  as  soon  as  we 
are  married,"  is  his  confident  reply. 

Does  it  often  happen  that  a  father  takes  into 
his  confidence,  his  boy,  whom  he  sees  steadily 
progressing  toward  an  attachment  which  must 
end  in  matrimony,  and  lay  bare  to  him  what 
he  must  look  forward  to  if  he  is  to  be  a  true 
head  to  a  household,  a  loyal,  helpful  husband, 
a  faithful,  forbearing  guide  and  provider  to  a 
dependent  family  ?  Rather  will  he  in  privacy 
bewail  his  child's  imprudence  and  want  of 
forethought,  and  look  discouraged  and  an- 
noyed when  the  young  people  about  him  jest 

28 


A  Neglected  Subject  of  Education 

over  the  visible  growth  of  an  amusing  love 
affair,  and  never  feel  that  his  open  and  wise 
counsel  might  have  steered  these  young  lives 
into  a  safer  channel. 

Parents  advise  about  health,  business,  travel, 
amusement,  but  on  this  most  important,  most 
awful  crisis  of  life,  they  are  reticent,  they  are 
often  culpably  silent.  Of  course,  we  every 
day  know  of  downright  and  often  unreason- 
able opposition  which  brings  forth  wrath  and 
feud  and  every  evil  consequence,  but  helpful, 
considerate  advice  is  a  rare  gift  from  a  father 
to  his  son  under  these  circumstances.  There 
surely  must  be  a  way  in  which,  man  to  man, 
a  son  and  father,  can,  even  if  the  elder  is  not 
of  the  same  mind,  be  affectionately  open  with 
each  other  and  the  boy  gain  strength  and 
wisdom  as  the  result. 

But  there  is  an  earlier  influence  possible, 
which  is  yet  more  rarely  brought  to  bear. 
Surely  this  "  new  era  "  of  light  regard  for 
marriage-bonds  might  be  checked  in  its  in- 
roads upon  the  happiness  of  our  generation, 
if  at  their  own  firesides  children  found  that 
their  parents  dealt  vigorously  with  the  terrible 

29 


Home  Thoughts 


intrusion  of  divorce  cases  into  the  common 
conversation  of  the  family,  and  that  a  light  or 
joking  allusion  to  broken  faith  and  wrecked 
homes  was  treated  as  a  desecration. 

If  the  ignominy  of  conjugal  infidelity  was 
shown  in  every  tone  and  action  with  which 
the  current  gossip  of  the  day  was  met  in  the 
family  circle ;  if  the  girls  learned  at  their 
mother's  side  that  the  faithfulness  and  love 
which  bear  and  forgive,  and  uplift  and  endure, 
and  adhere  in  darkness  and  through  evil 
report  give  to  women  an  empire  out  of  which 
disgrace  and  dishonor  fled  in  fear,  they  would 
take  into  their  young  hearts  the  realization 
that  when  they  came  to  their  own  time  of  trial 
these  were  their  legitimate  weapons  of  defence. 
They  would  learn  that  it  is  a  glorious  thing 
to  win  back  an  erring  or  even  a  trifling  heart 
to  a  true  allegiance,  and  that  to  magnify  a 
trifling  difference  into  a  dividing  chasm  is  the 
work  of  the  wholly  unworthy  women  of  the 
world. 

A  girl  who  has  so  learned  from  babyhood 
that  the  first  duty  of  a  woman  is  to  guard 
and    build   up   and    repair    the    bulwarks  of 

3° 


A  Neglected  Subject  of  Education 

home,  does  not  lightly  quarrel  or  wantonly 
offend  even  a  trying  or  an  erring  husband. 
And  if  from  her  earliest  recollection  she  has 
been  taught  to  despise  the  levity  and  ex- 
travagance and  vanity  which  come  between 
wives  and  their  offended  husbands,  she  is  not 
likely  to  fall  into  the  snares  these  evils  set  for 
her. 

And  from  the  mother  to  her  sons  may 
come  those  gentle  unveilings  of  the  nature  of 
feminine  hearts  which  shall  help  them  to 
realize,  before  experience  teaches,  their  mys- 
terious, inexplicable  fancies  and  desires.  Here 
may  they  be  taught  to  be  tender  of  nervous 
fears,  forgiving  of  the  exactions  made  by  a 
love  so  eager  that  it  is  never  satisfied  with  less 
than  all,  gentle  to  the  demands  which  are  not 
meant  to  be  selfish  and  extravagant,  but  arise 
simply  from  ignorance  of  values  either  of  time 
or  money. 

She,  too,  can  best  teach  how  needful  it  is 
to  ambitious  and  loving  womanhood  that  it 
should  be  a  helpmeet,  a  sharer  of  man's 
struggle.  She  can  show  her  son  that  if  he 
would   raise    his   young  wife   to   her   highest 

31 


Home  Thoughts 


attainable  level,  he  must  not  put  a  veil  be- 
tween his  trials  and  her  co-operation,  but  let 
her  meet  them  with  him,  learning  courage  as 
she  goes  onward. 

In  life's  stern  school  we  leave  our  children 
to  learn  bitter  lessons  suddenly  and  discern 
sad  truths  by  the  blows  of  misfortune,  for 
which  we  might  have  armed  them  ere  they 
entered,  and  many  and  many  a  time  have 
spared  them  a  hardening  cruel  experience,  by 
pointing  out  the  true  defence  against  the 
coming  danger. 

We  cannot  raise  too  high  a  standard  regard- 
ing marriage  and  its  duties  in  our  children's 
minds ;  we  cannot  teach  too  ardently  the 
blessedness  of  home,  nor  exalt  too  highly  the 
triumphs  of  that  love  which  is  neither  blind 
nor  fickle,  but  strong  enough  to  conquer 
death  itself. 

There  might  be  a  revolution  which  achieved 
for  our  threatened  family  life  as  great  a  victory 
as  ever  was  won  for  liberty  or  other  human 
right,  if  our  weddings  could  mean  the  joining 
of  lives  which  approached  an  indissoluble 
union,  strong  in   the  strength  of  minds  pre- 

32 


A  Neglected  Subject  of  Education 

pared  and  hearts  determined  to  bear  and  for- 
bear, and  conscious  that  marriage  means  that 
they  are  ready  to  meet  sorrow  and  trial  as 
freely  for  love's  sake,  as  to  drink  its  brimming 
cup  of  joy. 


33 


Home  Thoughts 


IV 

MY    SON'S    WIFE    AND    MY 
DAUGHTER'S    HUSBAND 

WHEN  the  wedding  procession 
comes  down  the  aisle,  and  the 
bride  advances  —  either,  after  the 
end-of-the-century  fashion,  gayly 
looking  about  and  dispensing  smiles,  or,  after 
the  gentler,  elder  usage,  passing  nervously 
under  the  fire  of  critical  eyes,  with  strong 
traces  of  awe  and  emotion  on  her  young  face 
—  habit  has  long  made  me  lose  sight  of  this 
central  figure  of  attraction,  while  I  look  for  the 
mother,  and  try  to  learn  what  she  is  thinking. 
Once  started  on  this  interesting  study, 
there  is  little  doubt  but  that  you  will  pursue 
it,  and  it  is  a  curiously  varied  and  an  unusu- 
ally easy  way  to  read  a  chapter  of  human 
experience  and  feeling.  The  least  attractive 
type  is  the  elated  and  satisfied  matron,  full  of 
the  "  success  "  of  the  match,  the  splendor  of 
the  display,  the  notoriety  of  the  whole  affair. 

34 


Son's  Wife  and  Daughter's  Husband 

The  richness  of  her  own  gown,  the  costliness 
of  the  bride's,  the  well-known  names  of  the 
maids  and  ushers,  are  filling  her  with  pride, 
and  she  is  material  satisfaction  incarnate. 
Then  there  is  a  pathetic  type,  never  failing  to 
touch  the  heart  of  her  sister-women,  the 
widowed  mother,  who  trembles  lest,  lacking  a 
father,  her  child  has  decided  unwisely,  and  to 
whom  the  marriage  means  another  vacant 
place.  But  the  most  beautiful  phase  of  this 
many-sided  exhibition  of  motherhood  comes 
in  the  loving  large-hearted  woman,  in  whose 
whole  carriage  and  expression  one  discovers 
overflowing  sympathy  with  her  child's  happi- 
ness, tender  belief  that  she  is  the  loveliest  of 
brides,  which  brings  that  fascinating,  transpar- 
ent look  of  pride  into  her  moist  eyes,  and  yet 
allows  one  to  read  about  the  trembling  lips 
realization  of  what  it  means  to  have  heard 
her  take  that  marriage  vow,  which  covers 
such  unutterable  possibilities,  such  certain 
assurance  of  sorrows  shared  and  trials  under- 
gone. 

There  is  a  solemnity  in  the  marriage  service 
which    makes  the  gaping  crowd  and  restless 

35 


Home  Thoughts 


effort  to  see,  and  the  whispered  comments  in 
a  fashionable  assembly,  exceedingly  out  of 
place.  After  the  chimes  have  clamored  their 
congratulation,  and  sunlight  and  open  air 
relieve  the  nervous  tension,  or  when  at  the 
home,  social  hilarity  and  indispensable  con- 
gratulation scatter  doubts  and  leave  only 
room  for  the  joyous  hope  that  all  your  good 
wishes  will  be  more  than  fulfilled,  weddings 
become  mirthful  and  full  of  rejoicing;  but 
while  the  ceremony  is  in  progress,  the  irrevo- 
cableness  is  appalling  to  one  who  thinks  and 
knows  what  life  means,  and  the  possibilities 
seem  to  rise  and  fill  the  space  above  the 
bowed  heads,  like  the  vast,  mysterious  in- 
cense-cloud which  escaped  from  the  lamp  of 
the  genie. 

For  the  woman  bent  on  insuring  what  is 
technically  meant  as  a  "  good  match  "  for  her 
son  or  daughter,  even  the  careless  world  feels 
no  sympathy,  whatever  she  may  reap  as  a 
harvest  besides  the  wealth  and  social  eminence 
which  she  sought.  If  after  a  time  her  child 
is  as  conspicuous  for  unhappiness  or  bad 
behavior  as  at  the  beginning  for   luxury  and 

36 


Son's  Wife  and  Daughter's  Husband 

power,  no  one  grieves  for  her  who  sought 
and  assisted  to  make  the  union.  It  is  for 
the  mother  who,  having  unselfishly  given 
up  her  child,  sees  mistakes  she  cannot  remedy, 
and  troubles  she  cannot  avert,  arising  con- 
stantly, and  entangling  the  young  feet,  that 
one  sighs  in  sympathy. 

No  other  relation  demands  such  total  sup- 
pression of  self,  and  makes  such  large  claim 
on  sound  judgment,  and  surely  none  com- 
pares with  it  in  requirement  of  such  justice  as 
we  only  expect  to  find  complete  in  divinity. 
If  it  is  but  the  wholly,  the  blessedly  natural 
desire  of  the  married  lovers  to  live  for  each 
other,  and  to  resent  intrusion  into  their  new 
world,  where  they  are  learning  each  other's 
characters  by  the  light  of  affection  and  mutual 
experience,  it  is  a  sharp  trial  for  a  mother  to 
find  herself  de  trop,  where  she  has  been  indis- 
pensable. Let  it  be  no  more  than  some  petty 
whim  of  taste  which  causes  the  daughter  to 
discard  a  favorite  dress  of  the  mother's  choos- 
ing, because  her  husband  does  not  think  it 
becoming ;  let  it  be  only  the  sharper  cut  of 
seeing  the   son   cheerfully   abandoning   some 

37 


Home  Thoughts 


hitherto  immovable  habit,  with  the  uncon- 
cerned ease  of  a  mere  nothing,  it  impinges  on 
the  very  citadel  of  the  mother-heart,  and 
wears  its  furrow  there.  Mayhap  it  is  the 
cigarette,  which  he  has  been  unceasingly  be- 
sought to  abandon  for  year  after  year  unavail- 
ingly ;  to-day  he  says,  as  if  it  were  the  merest 
trifle :  "  Oh,  I  gave  those  up  as  soon  as  I  was 
married;  my  wife  made  quite  a  point  of  it." 
Magnanimous  mother  indeed  is  she  who  can 
say  without  an  inward  twinge  of  jealousy  or 
influence,  "  How  glad  I  am." 

In  the  ordering  of  the  household,  in  the 
choosing  of  friends,  in  the  management  of 
children,  how  difficult  is  it  to  avoid  active 
intermeddling,  how  almost  impossible  not  to 
resent  the  rejection  of  advice !  The  swift 
revolution  of  opinion  in  all  things  seems  to 
find  the  very  hub  of  its  progress  in  the  ruling 
of  domestic  life,  and  the  regimen  and  discipline 
in  the  parents'  nursery,  from  which  the  young 
father  and  mother  have  emerged  well-devel- 
oped, well-mannered  men  and  women,  has 
been  replaced  by  ideas  based  on  wholly  sub- 
versive laws  ;  many  a  grandmother  is  as  much 

38 


Son's  Wife  and  Daughter's  Husband 

at  a  loss  in  a  place  ruled  by  a  modern  trained 
nurse  as  if  her  progeny  had  been  lambs  and 
her  daughters  were  young  lions. 

It  is  said  that  every  "  soul  must  work  out 
its  own  salvation,"  and  surely  it  is  true  that 
every  man  and  wife  must  hew  out  their  own 
pathway  through  life's  tangle,  and  be  a  law 
unto  themselves.  No  woman,  however  wise 
and  forbearing,  however  tender  and  self-effac- 
ing, can  rule  another  woman's  household  and 
family,  nor  can  she  judge  altogether  justly 
even  for  her  own  child.  To  hold  one's  peace 
is  as  hard  as  for  a  sailor  to  see  a  ship  drifting 
landward  in  a  storm  and  not  to  take  the 
helm  ;  but  blessed  is  she  who,  while  keeping 
loving  watch,  does  not  fan  a  slight  disturbing 
breeze  into  a  tempest  by  interference. 

Surprised  to  see  that  the  foundation  for  a 
new  building  was  being  laid  where  a  garden 
had  beautified  the  ample  house  in  which  a  wid- 
owed mother  and  a  son  had  lived,  I  asked  the 
owner  how  she  could  give  up  her  flowers. 
"  My  son  is  soon  to  be  married,"  she  said  ; 
"  the  new  house  is  for  him  and  his  bride." 
"  But  why   not  have  them   live  with  you  ? ' 

39 


Home  Thoughts 


"  Oh,  I  love  them  far  too  much  for  that," 
was  her  clever  reply,  which  made  us  both 
laugh,  though  the  deep-rooted  wisdom  and 
large  unselfishness  were  patent  enough  in  its 
few  words. 

Often  the  silent  readiness  of  a  mother-in- 
law  is  rewarded  by  the  confidential  application 
for  advice  from  an  observant  son-in-law, 
which  means  more  than  many  protestations 
of  affection,  and  what  she  then  advises  is 
almost  sure  of  both  a  respectful  hearing  and  a 
faithful  following.  The  tie  thus  made  is 
generally  enduring  and  mutually  honored  in 
every  way.  Indeed,  I  have  seen  the  wise  and 
unselfish  mother-in-law  entirely  supplant  the 
selfish,  repining,  irritating  natural  mother  who 
never  ceased  to  meet  her  son  with  upbraidings 
for  his  rare  visits  and  lack  of  interest  in  her 
and  her  many  imaginary  ailments. 

A  long-married  and  happy  wife  once  said 
in  my  hearing  that  she  had  never  had  any 
"  law  relations,"  but  that  her  husband's  peo- 
ple were  wholly  to  her  as  her  own.  Yet  the 
mother-in-law  in  this  case  was  a  woman  of 
masterful    will    and    vigorous    intellect,    who 

40 


Son's  Wife  and  Daughter's  Husband 

ruled  with  no  uncertain  authority  in  her  own 
kingdom.  Her  sons'  wives,  however,  never 
remembered  a  word  either  of  direction  or  cor- 
rection to  them  or  to  their  children.  When 
worry  or  anxiety  evoked  a  need  of  advice, 
they  naturally  turned  to  her  wisdom  and 
experience,  and  when  they  yearned  for  com- 
fort there  was  no  better  place  to  find  it 
than  within  the  clasp  of  her  strong,  helpful 
arms. 

One  bond  between  this  extraordinary 
woman  and  her  daughters-in-law  lay  in  her 
extreme  reticence  concerning  their  affairs.  I 
doubt  if  she  ever  broke  her  golden  rule 
of  silence;  she  never  discussed  the  affairs  or 
failings  of  one  child  with  the  other  or  gossiped 
over  them  to  her  friends.  They  were  sacred 
personalities  to  her,  and  what  she  saw  and  felt 
she  "  kept  in  the  deep  of  her  own  heart." 
She  was  repaid  with  large  interest  of  trustful 
affection  and  admiration,  and  the  marriages 
of  her  sons  drew  them  towards  her  instead  of 
weakening  her  influence.  She  asked  so  little 
that  they  could  hardly  give  enough,  and  her 
daughters-in-law,   disarmed    of  any  fears  for 

41 


Home  Thoughts 


their  own  supremacy,  voluntarily  asked  her  to 
guide  them  from  her  deep  experience. 

The  strange  contrariety  of  human  choice 
makes  a  deeply  sore  point  over  which  ma- 
ternal love  has  to  pass  daily  and  hourly 
when  it  sees  son  or  daughter  deliberately 
choosing  for  a  life-mate  a  nature  in  which 
flaws  and  incurable  imperfections  are  plain  to 
all  but  the  lover's  eyes.  Sad  forebodings 
possess  the  mother's  heart  as  she  ponders 
over  a  selfish  girl,  loved  for  the  beauty  which 
must  soon  go  ;  or  an  earth-bound  cold  woman 
who  has  charmed  by  a  flippant  wit  which 
argues  a  sometime  shrewish  temper;  or  sees 
her  daughter  place  her  life  in  the  keeping  of 
one  in  whom  she  can  never  find  help  in  time 
of  need,  or  readily  promise  herself  to  a  man 
in  whom  self  reigns  supreme. 

Yet  if  the  impelling  force  of  attraction 
becomes  irresistible,  and  the  decision  is  de- 
liberate, nothing  but  sin  ought  to  make  op- 
position even  reasonable.  Only  the  heart  of 
a  man  or  a  woman  knows  its  own  necessities ; 
no  one  can  determine  for  them  that  which  is 
the  outgrowth  of  their  natures.      When,  with 

42 


Son's  Wife  and  Daughter's  Husband 

a  reluctance  which  is  a  pain  too  deep  to  have 
yet  found  a  name,  a  mother  has  to  welcome 
daughters  and  sons  so  chosen,  she  can  only 
hope  to  play  her  hard  role  by  making  her  law 
that  love  which  "  seeketh  not  her  own,  is  not 
easily  provoked,  thinketh  no  evil,"  "  but 
sufFereth  long  and  is  kind."  Of  all  "  home 
thoughts,"  there  seems  no  ground  for  deeper 
or  more  urgent  consideration  than  these 
relations  call  forth. 


43 


Home  Thoughts 


V 

AFTER    THE    WEDDING 

"  Thus  it  is  our  daughters  leave  us. 
Those  we  love  and  those  who  love  us ! 
Just  when  they  have  learned  to  help  us. 
When  we  are  old  and  lean  upon  them. 
Comes  a  youth  with  flaunting  feathers. 
With  his  flute  of  reeds,  a  stranger. 
Wanders  piping  through  the  village. 
Beckons  to  the  fairest  maiden. 
And  she  follows  where  he  leads  her. 
Leaving  all  things  for  the  stranger." 

THE  same  old  human  story  lives 
itself  out  whether  its  actors  be  of 
savage  or  of  gentle  race ;  it  matters 
not  whether  it  be  the  ancient  arrow- 
maker  "left  standing  lonely  at  the  door  of 
his  wigwam,"  or  the  citizen  of  great  renown, 
who  turns  back  into  his  too  splendid  but  for 
ever  poorer  house,  or  the  sturdy  laborer  who 
sees  his  little  girl  go  gayly  off  clinging  to  the 
arm  of  her  sweetheart,  the  heart  cries  out : 
"  She   has  left  nic  for  a  stranger." 

44 


After  the  Wedding 


We  may  summon  philosophy,  and  common 
sense,  and  reasonable  judgment  —  nay,  even 
have  a  strong  desire  to  see  our  children  make 
new  homes  and  gather  about  them  fresh  affec- 
tions which  shall  comfort  and  sustain  when  we 
are  gone  —  yet  a  father  and  mother  are  indeed 
bereft  when  tender  daughter  and  stalwart  son 
make  irrevocable  vows  to  cleave  only  unto  the 
choice  of  their  hearts  and  close  the  door  of 
home  behind  them. 

The  void  is  emphasized,  when  it  is  a 
daughter  who  leaves  us,  by  the  immense  im- 
portance which  surrounds  a  bride.  She  was 
simply  a  dear,  sweet  girl  until  she  named  her 
wedding-day,  and  became  the  pivot  on  which 
all  material  things  depend  for  adjustment  and 
the  centre  of  the  family  emotion.  Even  the 
younger  children  and  the  servants  are  eager  to 
share  in  the  common  devotion,  and  from  the 
tying  of  her  shoe-string  to  the  glitter  of  her 
costliest  wedding  gift,  nothing  is  of  any  com- 
parative interest  in  the  household. 

For  months  of  preparation  the  needs  and 
purposes  of  other  members  of  the  family  are 
put  into  the  background.     While  renovators 

45 


Home  Thoughts 


adorn  and  refresh  the  house,  dressmakers 
absorb  the  time  of  mother  and  daughter. 
Every  item  of  wardrobe  and  household  plen- 
ishing is  of  supreme  value  in  their  thoughts 
and  in  their  conversation. 

The  tide  of  excitement  grows  stronger  and 
deeper,  day  by  day,  until  at  last,  be  the  house- 
hold of  what  status  it  may,  on  the  eve  of  the 
wedding,  there  is  literally  no  other  thing 
thought  of  but  the  event  and  its  central 
white-robed    figure. 

When  she  turns  from  her  mirror,  veiled, 
blossom-crowned,  ready  to  depart,  and  her 
father  seats  her  beside  him,  he  has  to  gather 
courage  while  the  carriage  rolls  forward  to  the 
church,  remembering  that  these  are  his  last 
moments  of  possession,  realizing  that  all  this 
loveliness  will  presently,  by  his  own  act,  be 
given  to  the  keeping  of  another.  He  remem- 
bers the  mistakes,  the  errors  of  judgment,  the 
untrained  selfishness  of  his  own  youth,  and  he 
knows  the  man  she  loves  is  human  like  him- 
self; it  is  not  an  easy  part  he  has  to  play  in 
this  life-drama.  The  denouement  may  not 
come  until   he  has  slept  with   his  fathers ;  he 

46 


After  the  Wedding 


may  never  know  what  its  final  scene  will  be ; 
he  is  only  certain  that  he  is  setting  in  motion 
the  whole  possible  action,  with  its  measureless 
result,  by  his  own  word  and  consent. 

Far  better  for  the  world,  for  the  brightness 
of  youth,  for  the  courage  of  trusting  love  that 
the  phenomena  of  hope  and  trust  are  eternal ; 
no  previous  evidence  of  marital  sorrow  or 
grave  responsibility  affects  the  certain  confi- 
dence of  the  lover  and  his  lass.  In  old  days 
the  bride's  eyes  were  downcast  and  her  cheeks 
pale,  and  her  newly  ringed  hand  trembled  on 
her  husband's  arm.  To-day  the  just-made 
wife  walks  in  radiant  triumph  down  the  long 
aisle,  brilliant  and  not  abashed ;  but  in  the 
hearts  of  either  generation  there  is  the  same 
steadfast  belief  that  for  them  no  darkness  lurks 
in  the  unknown  future. 

When  Hiawatha  made  that  happy  wedding 
journey,  in  which  all  nature  gave  him  sympa- 
thy and  congratulation,  the  sun  counselled  him 
to  rule  by  love  and  the  moon  whispered  to  the 
joyous  bride :  "  Rule  by  patience.  Laughing 
Water."  Little  thought  the  triumphant  lover 
of  heeding  the  wise  precepts  of  the  all-seeing 

47 


Home  Thoughts 


sun ;  small  heed  did  the  handsomest  woman 
in  the  land  of  the  Dacotahs  pay  to  the  ad- 
monition of  the  gentle  moon.  He  who  forded 
the  swift  river,  holding  his  fair  wife  high  in  his 
strong  arms,  as  a  trophy  of  his  prowess,  felt 
no  fear  that  love  should  grow  cool  within  his 
lodge ;  she  who  clung  to  him  had  little  dread 
that  a  time  would  come  when  she  must  endure 
and  be  silent.  Here  in  city  streets,  fathers 
and  mothers  long  to  talk  of  love's  dangers  in 
the  fiery  trials  of  the  world's  stress  and  storm, 
and  to  cry  from  out  experienced  hearts  to 
their  children  to  be  true  and  forbearing.  But 
what  chance  have  they  to  speak  of  hidden 
perils  to  those  who  count  the  world  well  lost 
if  they  be  left  together,  and  who  cannot  link 
such  an  ominous  word  as  patience  with  a  joy 
like  theirs  ? 

These  thoughts  press  home  on  the  parents' 
hearts  as  they  stand  in  their  deserted  house 
after  the  door  has  closed  upon  the  last  wed- 
ding guest.  Was  there  ever  such  an  anti- 
climax as  that  hour  brings  forth  ?  Confusion, 
disorder,  faded  flowers,  broken  wreaths,  emp- 
tiness !      Even  the  seats  where  the  musicians 

48 


After  the  Wedding 


sat  so  short  a  time  ago  express  the  end  of  it 
all  !  A  curious  aspect  of  desertion,  of  some- 
thing lost  and  never  to  be  found,  attaches 
itself  even  to  inanimate  things.  The  mar- 
riage-bell, so  suggestive  and  beautiful  when  it 
hung  above  the  bride's  fair  head,  now  looks 
out  of  place  and  meaningless,  and  the  de- 
pression of  the  household  is  in  exact  propor- 
tion to  the  long-gathering  excitement  which 
had  gone  before. 

A  tender  and  beautiful  sequence  not  infre- 
quently follows  the  wedding  of  their  child  in 
the  renewed  love  of  the  father  and  mother. 
If  their  lives  have  been  fond  and  faithful,  they 
live  over  again  their  own  days  of  courtship 
and  grow  reminiscent  of  their  early  married 
life.  Unused  to  see  much  demonstration  of 
affection  in  their  parents'  quiet  manners,  the 
children  are  surprised  to  see  them  draw  apart 
and  talk  together  privately.  Their  yearning 
hearts  take  counsel  from  fond  memories,  and 
from  experience  they  strive  to  forecast  the 
future  for  their  fledgling ;  without  much 
speech  concerning  the  present,  they  comfort 
one  another. 

4  49 


Home  Thoughts 


I  can  recall  two  dear  old  people  peculiarly 
reserved  in  the  matter  of  caresses  or  endearing 
forms  of  speech,  who,  after  the  marriage  of 
two  sons,  were  seen  walking  together  in  their 
garden  in  a  June  twilight  in  most  lover-like 
absorption.  "  Father  and  mother  are  having  a 
little  honeymoonof  theirown,"  said  the  younger 
children,  and  they  were  right.  The  hard  grip 
of  a  sternly  disciplined  life  and  the  struggle  of 
brave  hearts  with  adversity  had  checked  ex- 
pression ;  these  weddings  of  young  hearts,  all 
aglow  with  ardent  hope,  had  revivified  their 
own  old  dreams,  and  over  the  vacant  places 
in  their  homes  they  laid  the  lovely  veil  of  an 
assurance  that  life  is  indeed  worth  living  where 
affection  grows  with  the  passing  years  and 
keeps  the  heart  warm  at  its  core. 

Where  doubt  lurks  in  a  father's  heart, 
either  as  to  the  character  of  the  man  his 
daughter  has  married  or  of  his  motives  in 
wooing  her,  his  pain  must  be  sharp,  indeed  ! 
The  knell-like  sound  of  those  few  but  fatal 
words  which  bind  a  man  and  woman  together 
until  death  shall  part  them  must  be  far  more 
sorrowful,  more  heart-breaking,  than  the  toll 

50 


After  the  Wedding 


of  funeral  bells.  We  may  hold  whichever 
side  we  choose  of  the  indissoluble  or  frangible 
nature  of  the  marriage  tie,  but  deep  down  in 
the  hidden  heart  men  and  women  know  that 
whatever  the  law  may  do  to  free  them  from 
each  other,  those  lives  can  never  fail  to  act 
and  react  upon  each  other  so  long  as  they 
both  do  live.  To  see  children  die  is  surely 
easier  than  to  see  them  marry  under  influences 
which  promise  heart-break  and  misery. 

As  we  watch  the  whole  beautiful  pageant 
of  a  wedding,  how  seldom  do  we  take  heed 
of  the  probable  self-abnegation  which  makes 
this  new  departure,  this  creation  of  a  new 
home,  possible  !  It  is  rarely  a  blessed  union 
which  is  not  sealed  by  the  tender  love-sac- 
rifice of  one  or  other  parent's  heart.  None 
but  the  most  selfish  mother  or  father  would 
hesitate  to  throw  all  the  weight  of  their  ap- 
proval, all  the  aid  of  their  assistance,  into  the 
scale  in  which  the  satisfying  of  their  child's 
heart  hung  in  the  balance ;  but  it  is  mother- 
nature  to  crave  the  first  place  in  her  boy's 
love,  and  it  is  a  big  wrench  which  looses  the 
father's  hold  on  his  pet  girl. 

51 


Home  Thoughts 


The  old  phrase  "  seeing  our  children  settled 
in  life"  has  a  deep  meaning  in  its  plain  words. 
We  would,  indeed,  see  them  take  root  in 
some  more  sustaining  soil  than  our  fading, 
failing  lives  afford  to  their  future ;  we  would 
not  leave  our  sons  without  the  safeguard  of  a 
home,  a  place  where  love  both  gives  shelter 
and  invokes  a  man's  best  endeavor ;  we 
would  not  leave  our  girls  without  a  strong 
arm  between  them  and  the  onslaught  of  the 
world's  hard  blows.  Yes,  we  long  to  see 
them  gathering  about  them  the  encircling 
warmth  of  family  life  and  ties ;  yet  when  the 
boughs  are  lopped,  the  strong  life-sap  of 
the  parent  tree  drops  from  the  dismember- 
ing cut,  and  it  is  a  vigorous  trunk  which 
heals  the  place  and  hides  the  scar  with  spicy 
covering. 

Always  the  same  gate  of  relief  lies  open  to 
human  pain ;  the  door  of  self-forgetfulness  ! 
As  the  old  home  grows  vacant  the  new  one 
will  increase  in  life  and  glow  with  ever-grow- 
ing warmth  ;  as  the  old  home  hushes  to  still- 
ness, children's  voices  will  laugh  and  echo  in 
the  chambers  of  the  new.     The  heart  must 

52 


After  the  Wedding 


expand  and  take  in  the  new  life  and  its  loves 
and  live  in  them.  *'  Forward  and  not  back, 
out  and  not  in,  up  and  not  down,"  dear 
fathers  and  mothers,  and  a  health  to  the 
bride ! 


53 


Home  Thoughts 


VI 

LIVING    UP   TO    THE    WEDDING 
PRESENTS 

TWO  thoughtful  women  recently 
talking  together  of  the  influences 
gaining  ground  in  our  day,  waxed 
eloquent  over  the  embarrassment 
of  such  riches  as  were  showered  on  our 
most  modest  brides.  "  I  do  not  know  when 
I  have  so  realized  the  oppressive  weight  of 
material  things  as  while  I  was  a  guest,  just 
before  a  wedding,  in  an  already  overladen 
home.  The  piling  up  of  innumerable  un- 
necessary gifts  became  a  sort  of  nightmare. 
Even  the  bride  began  to  lose  interest  on  the 
arrival  of  the  twenty-seventh  silver  candlestick! 
What  would  she  do  with  them  all  ?  Who 
would  take  care  of  them  ?  I  sighed  for  free- 
dom of  choice  and  space  and  the  dear  indivi- 
dualism in  the  home  furnishing  of  earlier 
years." 

54 


Living  up  to  the  Wedding  Presents 

Though  no  frankly  feminine  heart  can  be 
indifferent  to  these  tokens  of  honor  to  the 
bride,  or  of  affection  to  the  woman,  and  no 
woman  alive  indifferent  to  the  accession  of 
exquisite  belongings,  yet  it  is  certainly  a  very 
difficult  matter  to  know  how  a  man  of 
moderate,  or  more  often  very  small  income, 
shall  begin  life  with  silver  fit  for  the  table  of 
a  princess,  and  china  and  glass  of  the  greatest 
value  only  fitted  for  the  use  of  a  splendid 
household.  One  instance  of  plates  at  two 
hundred  dollars  a  dozen  going  to  the  home 
of  a  young  couple  whose  united  incomes  did 
not  reach  twenty-five  hundred,  points  the 
moral  to  my  tale. 

Chest  after  chest  of  magnificent  silver  rests 
in  Tiffany's  vaults,  or  in  the  strong  rooms  of 
"  safe  deposit "  companies,  while  the  owners 
live  in  small  apartments,  in  an  economical 
fashion,  which  would  render  the  use  of  their 
treasures  impossible. 

There  is  very  serious  difficulty  in  the  ad- 
justment of  life  to  this  beginning.  If  you  are 
in  possession  of  exceedingly  beautiful  and  val- 
uable things,  it  is  certainly  very  trying  to  put 

55 


Home  Thoughts 


them  aside,  out  of  sight  or  use.  It  seems 
absolutely  ridiculous,  when  your  purse  is  not 
overflowing,  and  you  have  a  sensible  remem- 
brance of  the  surely  coming  day  of  emergency 
and  unexpected  expense,  to  set  aside  what  is 
already  yours  without  any  cost  and  buy 
plainer  things  in  their  stead. 

From  this  perplexing  position  there  is 
ordinarily  but  one  outcome,  a  compromise 
which  is  far  from  satisfactory  in  any  way. 
The  outlay  for  furnishing  is  made  more  than 
is  quite  right ;  the  sideboard  must  have  some 
proportionate  richness  to  the  silver  displayed 
upon  it ;  the  rare  china  must  have  a  cabinet 
to  hold  it.  The  whole  plan  has  the  blight  of 
imprudence  to  damp  the  joy  of  the  first  pur- 
chasing for  the  future  home. 

Nothing  is  too  lovely  for  the  sweet  young 
bride,  nothing  too  precious  to  give  to  the 
daughter  or  son  of  an  old  friend.  Yet  if  one 
seriously  took  it  in  hand  to  think  of  what  the 
first  steps  toward  home-building  would  natu- 
rally be,  what  the  groom's  probable  income 
would  warrant,  it  seems  as  if  a  more  rational 
outcome  would  result,  and  the  young  couple 

S6 


Living  up  to  the  Wedding  Presents 

be  more  truly  helped,  while  we  should  have 
bestowed  not  only  as  much  thought  but  as 
truly  valuable  gifts  upon  them. 

Books,  for  one  thing,  are  very  rare  items 
in  a  list  of  wedding-gifts.  Yet  to  have  a 
small,  well-chosen  library  as  one  of  the  foun- 
dations of  a  new  home  would  certainly  be  a 
very  sure  basis  for  enjoyment,  and  of  added 
dignity  and  character  to  the  room  they 
adorned.  A  little  co-operation  among  rela- 
tives could  readily  give  permanently  useful 
and  decorative  book-cases,  and  fill  the  shelves 
with  friends  who  cannot  change,  but  remain 
undying  companions  along  life's  journey. 

Pictures,  too,  are  very  unusual  gifts.  If 
the  hundreds  of  dollars  invested  in  china  and 
glass,  which  by  one  awkward,  careless  motion 
of  an  unskilled  maid  will  be  swept  out  of 
existence,  were  invested  in  some  beautiful 
canvas  or  ever-fascinating  water-color  drawing, 
the  giver  would  provide  a  pleasure  which 
could  not  pall,  an  educational  influence  that 
could  not  be  over-estimated,  and  the  most 
beautiful  of  plenishings  to  the  new  home. 

With  rich  and  very  near  friends  and  rela- 

57 


Home  Thoughts 


tives,  the  gift  of  a  check  which  would  permit 
the  young  householders  to  choose  something 
at  once  appropriate  and  attractive  would  seem, 
in  the  end,  the  more  acceptable  and  helpful 
gift.  There  seems  to  be  something  sordid 
and  mercantile  in  the  giving  and  taking  of 
money.  The  delicate  compliment  conveyed 
in  the  choice  of  a  gift  which  indicates  that  the 
donor  believed  that  you  understood  and 
valued  beauty  and  quality,  is  very  dear  to 
one's  self-esteem.  There  is  a  suggestion  of 
tenderness  in  a  personal  ornament,  and  of 
prophecy  of  coming  success  in  the  world  in  a 
gorgeous  silver  bowl  resplendent  with  rich 
repousse  work.  But  if  the  potent  bit  of  thin 
paper  or  the  lordly  gold  eagles  come  with  a 
loving  wish,  and  the  balance  of  favor  hangs 
between  a  silver-framed  mirror  and  a  check 
wherewith  to  buy  a  piano  for  the  young 
people  starting  out  on  a  narrow  income,  it 
seems  as  if  the  scale  would  quickly  show  that 
the  choice  was  a  very  easily  decided  one. 

The  comparative  value  of  an  elaborately 
expensive  clock  or  a  well-supplied  kitchen 
would  not  long  be  in   debate  when  the  bride 

58 


Living  up  to  the  Wedding  Presents 


stood  looking  at  her  empty  closets  and  dresser, 
and  knew  of  no  place  where  the  clock  would 
not  look  as  if  it  were  lost,  strayed,  or  stolen. 
Those  homely  pots  and  pans,  those  black  and 
unsightly  cooking  utensils,  those  innumerable 
"  must  haves  "  of  the  unseen  corner-stone  of 
domestic  comfort,  cost  so  much  ;  the  price  of 
all  that  ormolu  and  Viennese  gilding  so  un- 
suited  to  her  little  parlor  would  just  have 
made  everything  so  perfect  in  this  unprovided 
department. 

Of  course  in  these  days  of  abundant  wealth 
the  majority  of  brides  among  people  "  in  so- 
ciety "  are  fortunate  enough  to  have  homes 
made  ready  for  them  ;  like  the  lilies  of  the 
Scripture,  they  "  toil  not "  to  build  for  them- 
selves their  niche  in  life  's  temple.  But  those 
to  whom  that  blessed  middle  path  between 
poverty  and  wealth  is  allotted  have  more  than 
compensation  for  their  smaller  heritage.  If 
there  is  a  purely  unadulterated  delight  in  this 
world  it  is  in  the  commencing  and  expanding 
of  a  home,  dependent  on  the  energy  and  in- 
dustry of  its  young  master,  and  the  skill  and 
wisdom  of  his  wife. 

59 


Home  Thoughts 


They  lose  an  untold  happiness  who  do  not 
know  the  slow  accession  of  desired  things ; 
the  filling  of  the  blank  space  with  the  house- 
wife's very  heart's  desire,  either  through  her 
own  unsuspected  economies,  or  the  generous 
provision  made  possible  by  a  husband's  suc- 
cess. A  little  reflected  thrill  of  long  past  de- 
lightful surprises  comes  to  my  mind  as  I  write. 
May  many  a  young  wife  of  this  year  know 
these  inexpressibly  charming  experiences,  in 
which  some  long  remembered  wish,  spoken 
half  in  jest,  unexpectedly  takes  form  through 
affectionate  determination  that  she  shall  see 
her  desire  gratified.  May  many  a  hard-work- 
ing young  husband  reap  his  reward  for  per- 
sonal self-denial  and  eflFort,  in  that  satisfying 
exclamation  of  happy  astonishment  which 
greets  his  unlooked-for  addition  to  the  house- 
hold treasures. 

Magnificent  furnishings  for  a  table  entail, 
by  subtle  necessity,  a  corresponding  luxury  in 
the  viands  placed  upon  it.  Silver  dishes  are 
incongruous  with  a  frugal  meal  ;  six-light  can- 
delabra are  provocative  of  mirth  when  they 
illuminate   a  dish    of   English    chops  !     It    is 

60 


Living  up  to  the  Wedding  Presents 

sometimes   very  difficult    to    live  up    to    our 
belongings. 

Judgment,  taste,  and  that  crowning  virtue 
in  a  housewife,  common  sense,  can  accomplish 
marvels.  It  is  sheer  cowardice  to  buy  what 
you  cannot  afford  in  order  to  live  up  to  your 
wedding  presents.  Beauty  nowadays  is  so 
inherent  in  comparatively  inexpensive  things, 
that  patience  can  find  a  meeting-place  for  its 
simple  forms  of  expression  with  those  which 
have  been  worked  out  in  more  costly  ways. 
Simplicity  is  always  dignified  and  needs  no 
covering  veil  of  pretence.  Gradually,  as  for- 
tune smiles  and  the  dimension  of  the  roof 
grows  under  its  benediction,  all  these  things 
will  find  their  fitting  place  and  use  ;  do  not 
try  to  be  what  you  are  not,  but  bide  your 
time.  No  part  of  the  journey  will  be  pleas- 
anter  than  these  early  days  of  mutual  endea- 
vor. The  evening  meal  will  not  gain  relish 
by  the  addition  of  a  chef  to  your  kitchen;  the 
skilled  touch  of  England's  best  butler  will  not 
give  the  grace  to  your  centre-piece  that  your 
own  dainty  fingers  imparted.  When  the 
gleam  of  the  silver  gives    splendor  to    your 

6i 


Home  Thoughts 


table,  then,  fitted  to  receive  its  burden,  you 
will  perhaps  look  back  with  regret  to  simpler 
surroundings. 

It  is  a  good  thing  for  a  man  and  his  wife  to 
grow  rich  with  their  increasing  age  and  respon- 
sibilities. Wait  the  leisure  and  the  harvest 
of  the  years,  and  now  only  take  it  in  task  to 
provide  things  "  honest  in  the  sight  of  all 
men." 


62 


The  Lady  of  the  House 


VII 
THE     LADY     OF     THE    HOUSE 

STEPPING  over  soiled  envelopes 
thrust  under  the  door,  or  besieged  by 
dirty  petitions  from  fraudulent  beggars, 
addressed  to  the  "  Lady  of  the  House," 
we  laugh  over  the  impersonal  nature  of  a 
universally  applicable  circular  and  are  seldom 
otherwise  reminded  of  the  beautiful  signifi- 
cance of  a  title  dropped  by  modern  usage. 
It  is  good  to  remember  that  this  appellation 
means  a  very  lovely  thing,  and  something 
widely  different  from  living  in  splendor  and 
wearing  gorgeous  raiment. 

"  This  beneficent  and  legal  dominion  of 
the  Domina  or  House-Lady  is  great  and 
venerable,"  and  is  something  to  aspire  to. 
With  its  utterance  visions  arise  of  what  such 
a  one  ought  to  be.  An  effort  has  been  made 
to  find  a  derivation  which  would  make  it 
infer  benevolence,  *'  a  divider  of  bread,"  but 
the  more  learned  philologists  claim  for  its  origin 

63 


Home  Thoughts 


the  feminine  of  the  old  Anglo-Saxon  word  for 
lord,  and  surely  it  means  to  us  one  who  rules 
home  and  herself  after  the  codes  of  highest 
human  development.  It  lifts  the  mistress 
into  the  higher  realm,  where  courtesy  and 
decorum  and  refining  gentleness  reign  para- 
mount, and  the  uplifting  law  of  love  is  ad- 
ministered to  the  defeat  of  all  rancor  and 
strife. 

It  means  also  a  responsibility,  the  forget- 
fulness  of  which  forfeits  the  title.  She  cannot 
truly  be  worthy  to  be  called  "  Domina  "  who 
lays  down  her  sceptre  and  lets  hirelings  rule 
in  her  stead.  The  draperies  may  hang  in  all 
due  order,  the  silver  may  gleam  upon  the 
board,  the  viands  may  be  pre-eminently  excel- 
lent through  the  skilled  service  of  men  and 
women  of  lower  order,  but  the  atmosphere 
which  makes  the  home  pure,  restful,  inspiring, 
and  wholly  beautiful  cannot  be  created  by  any 
one  without  the  training  of  a  Christian  gentle- 
woman and  the  education  which  has  come 
from  higher  sources  than  text-books. 

"  It  is   little  to  say  of  a  woman  that  she 

does  not  destrov  as  she  passes.     She  should 

64 


The  Lady  of  the  House 


revive."  From  the  Lady  of  the  House  should 
come  the  refreshment  of  all  the  dwellers  under 
her  roof  When  she  gives  her  orders  for  the 
programme  of  the  day,  the  hot  and  weary 
cook  should  feel  that  an  invigorating,  inspir- 
ing influence  has  passed  over  her,  after  the 
brief  visit  which  brought  a  figure  of  delicate 
daintiness  to  sit  in  the  hastily  dusted  chair, 
and  a  kindly  and  commending  voice  changed 
the  drudgery  of  cooking  into  a  pleasant  duty 
by  which  the  weak  were  to  be  made  strong, 
the  children  to  be  pleased  by  wholesome 
"  goodies,"  and  the  purse  of  the  master  kept 
from  waste  and  robbery.  And  by  ascending 
steps  each  in  turn  should  find  in  this  guiding 
genius  of  the  small  realm  a  place  of  rest  and 
refuge,  up  to  the  master,  whose  only  solace 
for  life's  care  is  found  at  her  side. 

Through  her  comes  the  order  which  makes 
the  mere  necessary  eating  and  drinking  a 
grace  and  pleasure ;  through  her  the  ribald 
word  is  held  in  check,  the  unfair  judgment 
reproved,  the  voice  of  scandal  hushed.  The 
poor  emigrant  girl,  who,  motherless  and 
thrown  on  her  own  resources,  seeks  her  bread 
5  65 


Home  Thoughts 


in  the  service  of  the  household,  feels  the 
restraint  of  a  steady,  instructed  teacher  of  Its 
economics,  and  finds  a  friend  in  the  light  of 
whose  example  and  the  strength  of  whose 
counsel  she  is  kept  from  folly. 

The  woman  who  makes  her  morning  a 
time  of  mere  slatternly  gathering  up  of  the 
disordered  fragments  of  yesterday  can  never 
hope  to  hold  the  reins  which  guide  the  do- 
mestic forces  into  "  the  realms  of  upper  day." 
The  fair  serenity  of  a  cheerful  face  and  the 
sweet  freshness  of  a  well-chosen  breakfast 
dress  are  like  the  rising  of  an  indoor  sun  to 
those  who  gather  about  the  family  table  for 
their  morning  meal.  The  school-boy  orders 
his  boisterous  tone  to  respond  to  her  thought- 
ful questioning  ;  he  feels  conscious  of  his  per- 
sonal untidiness  or  the  careless  gathering  of 
books  and  papers ;  he  realizes  the  latent  bar- 
barism in  his  strong  young  life,  and  feels  that 
influence  which,  until  he  develops  the  unique 
allegiance  of  a  lover,  makes  him  bow  to  the 
lady  of  his  love,  his  mother.  The  door  does 
not  slam,  the  hands  are  cared  for,  the  body  is 
clean  to  the  standard  of  a  gentleman's  cleanli- 

66 


The  Lady  of  the  House 


ness,  and  he  is  tamed  by  the  presence  of  the 
lady  whom  he  honors  as  much  as  by  the  parent 
he  obeys.  There  is  scarcely  a  surer  way  of 
lifting  the  standard  of  family  life  up  to  the 
rule  of  true  refinement  than  by  guarding  the 
morning  meeting  from  disorder  and  discord, 
and  inviting  both  beauty  of  service  and  gentle 
good  order  to  preside  over  the  breakfast-table. 
In  old  tourneys,  knights  could  not  meet 
for  honor's  sake  alone,  unless  they  bore  the 
favor  of  a  fair  lady ;  it  was  not  possible,  ac- 
cording to  knightly  faith,  that  a  man  should 
do  his  best  in  any  feat  of  arms  without  a  name 
and  face  to  conjure  by,  which  were  for  him  the 
noblest  and  the  fairest  in  the  world.  In  life's 
harder  tussles,  in  the  grim  and  sordid  fight 
for  bread  and  recognition  in  the  world's  fierce 
battle  for  supremacy,  the  old  chivalric  idea 
holds  true  to-day,  though  we  see  no  token 
worn  outwardly  over  men's  hearts  or  pinned 
upon  their  sleeves. 

**  But  thou  that  hast  no  lady  canst  not  fight  " 

means  more    to-day  than  it  did  in  Arthur's 
time.      He  that  lacks   the  inspiration  for  en- 

67 


Home  Thoughts 


deavor  given  by  the  tender  sharer  of  his  hfe ; 
he  who  hears  only  of  more  money,  more 
luxury,  more  adornment  from  the  wife  for 
whom  he  toils,  or  being  single,  knows  no 
loftier  cause  for  effort  than  his  own  aggran- 
dizement, is  terribly  handicapped.  He  who 
is  sent  forth  from  an  atmosphere  calmed  by 
the  gentle  sway  of  the  serene  "Domina  "  who 
lives  to  exercise  her  healing  charm,  enters 
office  or  workshop  of  any  sort  where  toil 
awaits  him,  blessed  with  a  strength  to  do  his 
best ;  he  who  knows  that  the  eyes  that  gave  a 
silent  benediction  as  he  closed  the  door  would 
welcome  him  with  tenfold  joy  if  he  came  back 
an  honorable  hero,  is  never  tempted  to  lose 
her  respect  by  too  keen  a  reaching  after 
wealth.  He  knows  that  were  his  home  a  hut 
and  his  sustenance  a  crust,  the  lady  of  his 
home  would  make  the  one  beautiful  and  the 
other  enough  to  suffice. 

To  deserve  truly  the  name,  this  ruler  must 
see  to  it  that  the  poor  know  her  to  be  their 
friend;  that  the  dishonest  and  unjust  do  not 
rob  or  defraud  her  ;  that  everything  is  beauti- 
ful after  its  kind.      If  her  dress  be  of  cotton- 

68 


The  Lady  of  the  House 


print,  it  must  be  fair  in  color,  spotless  and 
uncreased,  and  fit  to  be  adorned  with  a  rose, 
if  she  should  choose  to  wear  one.  No  need 
for  velvets  and  satins  to  bedeck,  or  a  many- 
roomed  dwelling  to  enthrone,  the  lady  who 
makes  everything  elegant  by  her  own  inform- 
ing touch.  I  have  in  my  remembrance  one 
who  outrivalled  every  other  whom  I  ever  knew, 
but  whose  frugal  simplicity  would  alarm  most 
of  our  workingmen's  wives  to-day,  and  whose 
"  high  breeding  "  hid  endeavor  so  effectually 
that  it  was  never  seen. 

With  a  mixture  of  chagrin  and  surprise,  on 
turning  to  "  Sesame  and  Lilies"  to  verify  a 
quotation,  I  find  that  all  that  I  have  written 
is  but  a  weak  paraphrase  of  Ruskin's  faultless 
essay.  I  have  not  even  read  it  for  twenty 
years,  and  it  recalls  the  eager,  far-away  first 
reading,  and  the  thirsty  drinking-In  of  his 
inspiring  counsel.  It  had  "  rooted  and 
grounded  "  itself  so  deeply  that  I  had  forgot- 
ten its  tenacious  growth;  transplanted  into  soil 
that  welcomed  it,  it  seemed  to  be  indigenous. 

I  leave  it,  the  borrowed  and  the  original, 
as  it  stands.     The  girls  and  women  of  to-day 

69 


Home  Thoughts 


do  not  read  Ruskin,  as  we,  his  contemporaries, 
did.  They  know  little  of  the  man  who  set 
women  thinking  what  to  do  with  their  lives  ; 
who  bade  them  remember  with  awe  what  they 
could  do  with  the  magic  of  a  fair  face  ;  he  who 
called  men  to  recognize  the  brotherhood  of 
man,  and  to  reverence  toil ;  who  demanded 
with  the  strenuous  force  of  a  prophet  and  a 
seer  that  no  one  should  eat  the  bread  of  idle- 
ness, is  not  known  among  us  to-day,  except 
when  some  faint  echo  reaches  us  of  the 
thunder  tones  he  sent  pealing  through  the 
world  of  his  young  day. 

What  he  did  best  was  to  speak  to  the  youth 
of  both  sexes  as  never  other  man  of  his  race 
and  generation  spake,  as  to  their  gifts  and 
their  responsibility.  How  many  men  born 
since  1870  know  of  that  extraordinary  address 
to  the  young  soldiers  at  Woolwich  which  he 
called  "  War  "  ?  How  many  have  read  the 
"  Mystery  of  Life  and  its  Arts  "  ? 

How  many  young  women  making  ready  to 
marry  and  rule  their  households  have  learned 
from  him  that  "  a  woman's  power  is  for  rule 
not  for  battle" — that    "her  intellect  is    for 

70 


The  Lady  of  the  House 


sweet  ordering,  arrangement,  and  decision  "  — 
that  "  the  true  nature  of  a  home  is  a  place  of 
peace  "  —  that  "  marriage,  when  it  is  marriage 
at  all,  is  only  the  seal  which  marks  the  vowed 
transition  of  temporary  into  untiring  service, 
and  of  fitful  into  eternal  love  "  ? 

What  a  white  light  these  suggestive 
thoughts  throw  before  the  entering  bride  as 
she  steps  over  the  threshold  of  her  new  home 
to  become  the  centre  of  its  order,  the  source 
of  its  good  or  evil  influences.  How  small  do 
the  furnishings  appear  in  her  eyes,  who  lifts 
her  glance  to  the  possible  measure  of  good 
she  may  attain,  and  trembles  lest  she  falls 
short !  With  what  pride  does  she  strengthen 
her  faith  in  the  boundless  possibilities  of  her 
endeavor  ;  with  what  humility  does  she  feel 
the  ease  with  which  she  may  fail  ? 

The  old  year  has  fled,  and  in  the  first  days 
of  the  new  year,  how  merrily  the  wedding 
bells  have  rung  their  chimes.  In  what  we 
call  "society,"  it  is  said  that  189—  was  the 
"year  of  weddings."  Will  any  bride  write 
over  her  door :  "  Where  a  true  wife  comes, 
there  home  is  always  around  her  "  ? 

71 


Home  Thoughts 


VIII 

THE     HOMELESSNESS    OF    CER- 
TAIN   MARRIED    WOMEN 

OPPORTUNITY  has  come  to  me 
of  late  to  meet  an  unusual  number 
of  homeless  young  married  people. 
They  have  good  though  moderate 
incomes,  they  are  clever,  in  excellent  health, 
active,  energetic  young  men  and  women,  and 
yet  they  have  elected  to  live  in  boarding- 
houses  and  hotels.  Elevators  carry  them  to 
upper  stories  of  huge  caravansaries,  where 
they  take  possession  of  a  bed-room,  a  parlor, 
and  a  dressing-room.  Here  they  add  to  the 
rich  but  unmistakably  "  hotel  furniture  "  the 
pretty  trifles,  easily  transported,  which  were 
among  their  wedding-presents,  and  they 
declare  themselves  content.  They  partake 
of  meals,  always  rich  and  indigestible,  and 
often  of  doubtful  origin,  ordered  from  long 
bills  of  fare,  cooked  by  foreigners,  and  sit  at 
little  tables  observing  and  being  observed  with 

72 


Homelessness  of  Married  Women 

that  long  critical  stare  which  is  learned  only 
in  such  surroundings. 

The  wife  has  no  duties  ;  nothing  in  their 
lives  exercises  her  skill,  her  brain  power,  or 
her  ingenuity.  Her  husband  receives  no  help 
or  delight  from  the  labor  of  her  hands,  or  as 
the  result  of  her  good  judgment.  Half  of  her 
endowments  are  lying  dormant,  and  almost 
every  power  she  has  is  dulled  from  want  of 
use.  After  her  husband  leaves  her  for  his 
office,  she  has  to  think  out  some  occupation 
for  the  day.  She  shops  and  visits ;  if  she  is 
musical,  she  practises  a  little;  if  she  is  bookish, 
she  goes,  perhaps,  to  a  literary  class  or  a  lec- 
ture. Nothing  taxes  her  resources  ;  no  one  is 
helped  or  benefited  by  her  wise  rule.  Lack- 
ing that  great  prop  and  staff,  personal  respon- 
sibility, she  has  no  taste  of  the  joy  of  personal 
achievement  and  success.  There  is  no  way 
in  which  either  husband  or  wife  can  express 
themselves  in  the  material  things  by  which 
they  are  surrounded.  These  furnished  rooms 
are  to  their  personal  characteristics  like  ready- 
made  clothing  to  their  bodies,  and  betray  in 
one  way  and  another  that  they  are  "  misfits." 

73 


Home  Thoughts 


Worse  still,  to  my  thinking,  is  life  in  smaller 
boarding-houses,  where  the  independence  and 
isolation  possible  in  large  hotels  is  lost,  and 
the  elements  of  criticism  and  gossip  find  such 
congenial  soil  in  which  to  lodge  their  fast- 
growing  seeds. 

I  know  no  sadder  words  than  homeless 
and  childless!  There  is  a  mournful  inflection 
in  their  very  sounds,  and  yet  these  prettily 
dressed,  eager,  restless  young  women  are  both 
these  sorrowful  things.  If  God  has  denied 
them  the  crown  of  motherhood,  it  would  be 
better  to  take  some  motherless  baby  to  their 
hearts  than  to  live  all  their  lives  without  the 
guiding  hand  of  a  little  child  in  theirs,  and 
the  clasp  of  little  loving  arms  about  their 
necks.  I  say  guiding,  with  very  sincere  faith 
that  there  is  no  such  attraction  towards  a 
noble  life  as  the  dependence  and  love  of 
childhood,  nor  any  such  rebuke  as  the  sur- 
prise or  fear  in  a  child's  innocent  eyes. 

What  causes  a  deliberate  choice  of  this 
narrow  life  which  entails  so  many  deprivations 
is  incomprehensible  to  me.  The  semblance 
of  great  luxury  is  certainly  to  be  found  in  the 

74 


Homelessness  of  Married  Women 

mirrors,  the  gilding,  the  deep-piled  velvet 
carpets ;  but  does  all  this  expensive  show  give 
any  pleasure  when  it  loses  all  personal  interest, 
and  stretching  this  way  and  that  can  some- 
times be  measured  by  miles  ?  To  walk  five 
hundred  feet  down  the  long  corridors  between 
doors  which  seem  countless  in  number,  and 
opening  right  and  left  to  liberate  strangers 
who  pass  you  as  if  you  were  to  be  avoided  as 
carefully  as  if  you  had  the  smallpox,  cannot 
be  a  pleasure.  To  open  your  door  and  see 
five  or  six  conventional  pieces  of  furniture 
standing  about  at  precisely  the  same  angles 
as  in  every  other  room  you  have  passed,  so 
that  if  you  did  not  chance  to  know  that  your 
legitimate  number  of  square  feet  were  known 
as  number  499,  you  might  readily  think  you 
were  in  your  own  quarters  until  you  saw  that 
where  your  walls  were  blue,  your  neighbor's 
were  pink,  cannot  be  encouraging  to  the  sense 
of  individual  possession,  which  is  half  of  life's 
joy. 

The  mere  abiding  under  the  same  roof 
with  people  you  dislike  or  despise,  is  trying, 
but  when  you  believe  that  on  your  right  hand 

75 


Home  Thoughts 


is  drunkenness,  and  on  your  left  the  elements 
of  some  great  human  tragedy  ;  to  doubt  the 
decency  of  your  nearest  neighbor  at  dinner, 
and  be  shocked  at  the  vulgar  display  of  the 
women  you  meet  in  the  elevator,  does  not 
conduce  to  love  of  mankind  or  the  elevation 
of  your  own  thoughts. 

In  the  narrower  circle  of  the  boarding- 
house,  to  detect  in  yourself  an  intense  curi- 
osity as  to  whether  Mr.  Blank  is  kind  to  his 
wife,  or  Mrs.  Jones  does  not  dress  beyond 
her  means,  and  be  mortally  ashamed  of  your 
impertinence,  does  not  increase  your  self- 
respect. 

Why  choose  these  ways  of  living  when 
open  to  every  woman,  according  to  her  means, 
lies  the  door  of  a  home  ?  A  place  which  is 
for  the  time  at  least  your  very  own,  to  be  a 
source  of  comfort  and  peace  to  your  husband 
and  of  joy  to  yourself  just  in  proportion  to 
your  endeavors  ?  A  place  where  color,  ar- 
rangement, every  adornment,  every  detail, 
from  the  delicate  draperies  at  the  windows  to 
the  well-chosen  implements  in  the  kitchen, 
expresses   your  tastes,   your  judgment,  your 

76 


Homelessness  of  Married  Women 

judicious  economies,  your  thought  of  others, 
your  love  for  your  husband.  Where  no  one 
enters  but  at  your  bidding,  and  then  comes  to 
,  be  made  happy  by  your  society,  or  refreshed 
f  by  your  hospitaHty.  Where,  when  the  day 
is  done,  you  realize  that,  from  the  flavor  of 
the  breakfast  cup  of  coffee  and  the  lightness 
of  the  rolls,  to  the  restful  chair  in  which  he 
smoked  his  last  cigar  at  night,  the  man  you 
love  best  of  all  human  beings  owes  every 
enjoyment  to  your  oversight  and  plans. 

No  matter  how  small  it  may  be,  no  matter 
how  many  difficulties  of  arrangement  and 
adaptation  present  themselves,  these,  like  all 
obstacles,  only  enhance  success,  and  in  these 
days  of  apartments  and  moderate  houses  built 
especially  to  tempt  young  housekeepers,  no 
one  who  can  aiford  to  live  as  I  have  described 
can  be  too  restricted  in  their  means  to  find  it 
hard  to  select  from  one  of  these  classes  of 
domiciles  what  is  suitable  and  pleasant.  And 
having  chosen,  can  there  be  many  pleasures 
more  sure  and  satisfying  than  making  of  those 
vacant  rooms  and  bare  walls  a  home  ?  That 
vital  spark  of  vanity  and  self-satisfaction  with- 

77 


Home  Thoughts 


out  which  no  woman's  hfe  is  really  delight- 
ful, that  undefinable,  unclassified  quality  which 
makes  her  look  at  her  completed  work  with 
the  exhilarating  belief  that  few  could  excel  it, 
here  has  full  play.  Here  she  can  be  origi- 
nal, ingenious,  surprising,  and  all  this  to  the 
fulfilment  of  the  chief  end  of  her  hopes  and 
the  expression  of  her  highest  desire. 

The  birds  find  sources  of  exultation  in  the 
building  of  their  nests,  and  you  can  discover 
that  they  are  house-furnishing  by  the  joy  of 
their  songs.  It  is  the  natural  instinct  of  love 
and  life  to  make  a  place  to  dwell  in.  To  the 
woman  who  can  devise  a  fastidiously  beautiful 
gown,  I  would  commend  the  arrangement  and 
decoration  of  a  room  as  the  expansion  and 
tenfold  higher  use  of  her  art.  To  the  woman 
who  would  endear  herself  to  her  husband,  I 
would  offer  to  guarantee  that  if  she  can  keep 
within  the  limit  of  his  means  and  yet  make 
for  him  a  lovely,  comfortable,  appropriate 
abiding  place,  in  which  he  has  room  for  the 
development  of  his  own  tastes  and  opportunity 
to  bring  about  him  his  friends  in  hospitable 
fashion,  she  will   have  endeared   herself  inex- 

78 


Homelessness  of  Married  Women 

pressibly  to  him  and  increased  his  pride  in  her 
tenfold.  Let  the  good  order  and  beauty  and 
contrivances  for  his  individual  comfort  be  suf- 
ficient to  make  his  friends  envious,  and  ready 
to  say  that  his  home  tempts  them  to  marry, 
and  the  wife  becomes  lovely  in  his  eyes,  in  a 
far  more  flattering  way  than  because  she  is 
pretty  and  well  dressed.  To  become  the 
source  of  a  husband's  comfort  and  rest  is  to 
have  placed  yourself  beyond  the  fear  of  losing 
your  complexion  or  ceasing  to  be  his  ideal  of 
a  pretty  girl.  It  is  also  to  rise  from  the  posi- 
tion of  a  dear  pet  to  a  useful,  important  part- 
ner, without  whose  clever  brains  and  wise 
direction  his  life  would  cease  to  be  a  success, 

I  do  not  claim  that  home-making  is  easy 
work,  nor  for  a  moment  attempt  to  say  that 
the  fine  art  of  good  housekeeping  is  easily  at- 
tained, but  I  do  say,  with  all  the  strength  I 
can  put  into  the  assertion,  that  the  married 
woman  who  sets  aside  her  kingdom  for  lack 
of  courage  and  energy  to  rule  it,  is  but  a  dis- 
inherited princess  who  has  lost  the  greatest 
joy  of  life  when  she  abdicated  her  throne. 
i    The  place  a  man  lives  in  should  surely  be 

79 


Home  Thoughts 


the  place  wherein  sorrow  and  iUness  and  death 
can  best  be  borne  and  suffered.  To  the  very 
young,  these  three  pregnant  words  mean  little, 
but  when  they  make  themselves  heard,  may 
they  find  the  sacredness  and  privacy  of  home 
about  you,  and  the  tender  surroundings  of 
your  own  family  life  soothing  your  pain.  To 
be  happy  in  or  to  grieve  in,  there  can  be  no 
place  like  the  shelter  which  love  and  care  have 
made  for  a  man  and  his  wife  to  abide  in  to- 
gether, with  the  children  God  has  given  them 
to  sweeten  and  hallow  their  inseparable  lives. 


80 


Mistresses  and  Maids 


IX 

MISTRESSES    AND    MAIDS 

THERE  seems  an  aggressive  and 
ungracious  assertiveness  in  saying 
that  one  has  found  the  problem 
which  has  proved  so  difficult  to 
many,  comparatively  easy  of  solution.  Per- 
haps the  point  of  view  may  seem  hardly  less 
trying  than  the  original  question,  yet  when 
one  sees  and  hears  the  almost  unbearable  ex- 
periences which  have  caused  so  many  homes 
to  be  abandoned  and  all  the  joy  and  hospit- 
able freedom  of  a  private  house  exchanged 
for  the  hotel  life  which  is  such  a  positive  loss 
to  any  family,  it  tempts  one  at  least  to  say  : 
"  Look  at  it  from  this  standpoint,  and  you 
will  see  one  way  to  smooth  out  the  tangle." 
First  of  all  the  factors  which  make  friction 
between  the  mistress  and  her  maid,  is  igno- 
rance on  the  part  of  the  mistress.  To  be  able 
to  give  sensible  directions  as  to  how  work  is 
to  be  done,  she  must  know  not  only  the  re- 
6  8i 


Home  Thoup-hts 


suit  she  wishes  to  attain,  but  every  step  in  the 
process  of  attainment ;  and  to  be  just  in  her 
judgment  whether  it  is  ill  or  well  done,  she 
must  know  how  long  the  work  ought  to  take, 
and  what  is  the  true  way  to  do  it  thoroughly. 
It  is  not  always  as  easy  to  see  the  funny  side 
of  certain  housekeeper's  directions,  as  in  the 
case  of  a  young  matron  who,  looking  very 
wise,  ordered  her  cook  to  "  be  very  careful 
about  skinning  the  fish ;  "  but  there  are  many 
households  in  which  just  as  extraordinary 
directions  are  given,  and  where  the  most 
careful  rules  are  laid  down  for  doing  work  the 
"  wrong  way  foremost." 

I  have  seen,  "  Remember  about  the  fire," 
meant  as  a  reminder  not  to  let  it  be  too  warm, 
result  in  a  blaze  only  endurable  in  zero 
weather.  The  maid  had  forgotten  her  mas- 
ter's complaints  of  the  previous  night,  or  per- 
haps never  really  understood  them,  and  was 
wholly  bent  on  showing  that  she  had  indeed 
"  remembered  about  the  fire." 

A  mistress  cannot  better  lay  a  ground- 
work of  bitter  disappointment  than  by  taking 
servants  who  have  had  their  training  in  the 

82 


Mistresses  and  Maids 


houses  of  those  who  are  conspicuously  wealthy 
and  live  in  a  manner  entirely  unlike  her  own. 
It  is  perfectly  easy  to  engage  a  waitress,  for 
instance,  who  has  been  at  service  in  a  family 
where  the  work  of  the  house  was  divided 
between  two  women,  and  where  the  require- 
ments of  the  dining-room  have  been  few,  and 
train  her  to  become  a  finished  dining-room 
maid.  Indeed,  it  is  generally  very  fruitful  of 
good  results  to  have  her  feel  that  she  is  taking 
a  step  upward  and  learning  something  and  be- 
coming familiar  with  new  forms,  which  repre- 
sent to  her  greater  elegance.  She  will  make 
earnest  efforts,  and,  if  she  is  ever  to  be  a  good 
servant,  will  do  her  best  to  acquire  any 
methods  which  stand  in  her  estimation  as 
indications  of  worldly  distinction.  But  take  a 
pantry-maid,  or  butler's  assistant  from  a  house 
where  ten  or  twelve  servants  are  employed, 
and  where  ideas  of  gentility  are  firmly  fixed 
upon  a  silver  service  and  elaborate  ceremo- 
nial, and  she  will  feel  wholly  indifferent  to 
all  your  pretty  decorations,  annoy  you  by 
asking  for  innumerable  things  you  neither 
own  nor  desire  to  use,  and,  as  long  as  she 

83 


Home  Thoughts 


lives  with  you,  will  have  her  own  private 
opinion  of  the  very  small  way  in  which  you 
entertain,  and  consider  your  table  bare  and 
unfinished  without  a  great  silver  vase  of  or- 
chids, a  regal  display  of  cut  glass,  and  a  free 
use  of  champagne. 

There  is  a  laxity  of  discipline,  a  freedom  of 
speech,  in  the  separate  world  created  in  the 
large  and  lavish  establishments,  which,  once 
acquired,  can  never  be  lost.  They  are  ser- 
vants in  a  different  sense  from  that  which 
appertains  to  homes,  such  as  we  think  of  in 
these  papers.  They  are  always  looking  for 
places,  which  is  an  entirely  different  thing 
from  trying  to  secure  a  permanent  position  as 
a  member  of  a  family. 

On  every  young  housekeeper  or  troubled 
older  matron  I  cannot  too  strongly  press  the 
advice  that,  having  ascertained,  by  seeing  her 
personally,  that  the  previous  employer  is  a 
woman  of  delicacy  and  refinement,  gladly  to 
choose  your  maid  where  she  has  known  less 
of  conventional  rule  than  she  will  with  you, 
rather  than  to  accept  one  who  may  seem  to 
have  had   large  opportunity  of  learning  the 

84 


Mistresses  and  Maids 


etiquette  of  her  position  in  some  "great 
establishment." 

How  shall  a  novice  judge  of  references  ? 
How  discover  the  standard  of  excellence  of 
the  last  employer  ? 

This  is  a  grave  question. 

The  mutability  of  fortune  in  the  United 
States  and  the  absence  of  any  defined  class 
distinction  to  which  certain  modes  of  living 
and  fixed  habits  of  life  pertain,  gives  rise  to 
one  of  the  most  potent  causes  of  trouble.  In 
all  other  civilized  countries  the  larger  portion 
of  the  inhabitants  belong  to  certain  distincdy 
marked  divisions  of  society,  in  which  the  new 
applicant  for  service  knows  precisely  what  will 
be  demanded  of  her,  and  can  at  once  decide 
whether  she  could  honestly  say  that  she 
understood  her  duties.  A  certain  fixed  wage 
is  expected  for  a  defined  species  of  service, 
and  obtains  with  small  variation  in  each  local- 
ity according  to  long  usage.  Here,  there  is 
nothing  to  guide  either  the  employer  or  the 
employed,  and  experiment  can  alone  deter- 
mine whether  the  service  is  worth  the  wages 
demanded,  or,  on  the  other  hand,  whether  the 

85 


Home  Thoughts 


work  is  what  the  appHcant  is  fitted  for.  The 
kitchen  maid  of  last  spring,  this  autumn  be- 
comes a  very  high-priced  cook,  and  can  usu- 
ally find  employers  only  too  glad  to  engage 
an  underling  from  some  great  establishment. 
Let  me  just  here,  though  it  is  a  repetition  and 
interrupts  my  argument,  again  say  that  to 
families  of  moderate  fortunes,  or  narrow  means, 
servants  from  the  households  of  the  very  rich 
are  most  undesirable.  They  are  imbued  with 
ideas  of  wild  extravagance,  they  have  had 
no  personal  or  helpful  contact  with  their  mis- 
tresses, and  generally  have  lived  under  a  rule 
which  virtually  declares  :  "  So  long  as  your 
work  is  done,  I  don't  care  what  else  you  do." 
They  despise  economies,  rebel  against  strictly 
kept  hours,  and  think  that  personal  super- 
vision is  indicative  of  low  breeding. 

Every  year  a  wider  space,  a  higher  barrier 
intervenes  between  the  mistress  and  the  ser- 
vants of  her  household  in  the  homes  of  what 
is  known  as  the  "  smart  set  "  in  our  great 
cities.  And  the  ways  of  our  great  cities,  with- 
out controversy,  are  the  vanes  which  show 
how  the    domestic  wind   blows   elsewhere  in 

86 


Mistresses  and  Maids 


our  country.  There  are  establishments  en- 
tirely supervised  by  impoverished  gentlewo- 
men, wholly  outside  the  family  life.  These 
"  visiting  housekeepers "  are  responsible  for 
everything  connected  with  the  management  of 
these  palaces. 

This  sort  of  thing  may  relieve  a  woman  of 
fashion  from  a  heavy  burden  of  care,  may 
keep  many  marks  of  tired  nerves  from  her 
fair  forehead,  may  take  from  her  all  sense  of 
responsibility  as  to  the  lives  and  souls  of  those 
who  sleep  beneath  her  roof:  but  all  the  same, 
the  burden  is  hers,  whoever  carries  it,  and  her 
accountability  remains.  Of  her  whose  virtues 
as  a  ruler  the  whole  world  has  sung  this  year, 
it  is  said :  "  She  knew  and  was  interested  in 
every  servant  who  ministered  to  her  comfort." 

To  talk  of  what  we  are  not  as  mistresses, 
and  what  we  cannot  obtain  from  servants, 
leads  to  little  practical  result  unless  we  can 
reach  some  helpful  point  of  union  between 
the  interests  of  both  the  employer  and  the 
employed.  Though  a  certain  interest  attaches 
to  "  how  the  other  half  live,"  the  princely 
organizations  of  our  millionaires  are  of  little 

87 


Home  Thoughts 


vital  importance  for  those  who  are  trying  to 
make  both  ends  meet  on  moderate  incomes, 
or  even  for  those  who,  with  ample  means,  yet 
desire  to  live  in  accordance  with  republican 
simplicity  and  on  the  bases  of  life  laid  down 
by  their  ancestors. 

Faithfulness  to  our  servants  is  rarely 
thought  or  spoken  of  in  comparison  with  the 
constant  querulous  complaint  of  their  unfaith- 
fulness to  us,  yet  experience  proves  that  de- 
spite all  the  exceptions  so  constantly  brought 
forward,  it  is  the  faithful  mistress  who  is  re- 
warded by  faithful  service.  By  this  word  of 
deep  and  beautiful  significance  I  do  not  mean 
indulgence,  or  pampering,  or  lack  of  reproof. 
We  certainly  have  some  clearly  defined  duties 
towards  those  who  for  the  time  form  parts  of 
our  families.  Any  earnest  woman  who  wants 
to  know  what  should  constitute  her  obligations 
to  the  women  whom  she  governs,  can  quickly 
make  a  definition  which  ought  to  be  both  true 
and  accurate,  but  I  venture  to  say  few  can 
abide  by  her  self-set  standard  without  much 
self-denial,  patience,  and  generosity. 

The  untrained  young  women  who  cross  the 

88 


Mistresses  and  Maids 


Adantic  huddled  in  the  steerages  of  our  big 
"  liners  "  can  scarcely  be  supposed  to  know 
much  of  the  requirements  of  the  ladies  and 
gentlemen  who  lounge  in  the  saloon  and  oc- 
cupy the  staterooms.  Years  of  contact  with 
the  lives  of  refined  and  fastidious  people  must 
be  passed  before  they  acquire  the  skill  and 
know  the  usages  of  cultivated  society.  If 
after  a  year  or  two  spent  in  changing  from 
families  of  ever-varying  grades  of  civilization 
and  modes  of  living,  one  of  these  immigrants 
finds  her  way  into  your  service,  think  of  your- 
self as  one  of  her  educators,  one  of  the  steps 
upward  towards  a  skilled,  competent,  trust- 
worthy workwoman,  to  become  which,  she  is 
toiling. 

To  be  faithful  to  yourself,  either  take  her 
from  the  first  arrival  and  teach  her  from  the 
beginning,  or  if  this  is  too  great  an  under- 
taking, see  that  she  comes  to  you  from  good 
surroundings  and  brings  you  the  real  and  per- 
sonal knowledge  of  her  employer  embodied  in 
her  recommendation,  and  then  give  her  at 
least  half  the  forbearance  and  patience  you 
bestow  on  the  mistakes  and  forgetfulness  of 

89 


Home  Thoughts 


your  children,  whom  you  have  carefully 
trained  since  their  births.  When  circum- 
stances and  antecedents  are  taken  into  con- 
sideration, the  wonder  is,  not  what  blunders 
our  servants  commit,  but  how  much  they  do 
well  and  after  the  manner  of  gentlefolk. 

Faithfulness  to  a  servant  includes  instruc- 
tion, reproof  in  gentle,  helpful  ways,  which 
not  only  point  out  the  fault,  but  show  her 
how  to  avoid  it;  oversight  of  her  health, 
provision  for  her  comfort  of  body,  and  con- 
cessions to  what  may  ameliorate  or  improve 
her  general  condition  ;  recognition  of  faithful 
service,  and  of  her  needs  as  a  woman.  It 
means  that  as  far  as  lies  in  the  employer's 
power  she  shall  bring  the  same  general  princi- 
ples to  bear  which  rule  in  a  well-governed 
nursery;  remembrance  of  imperfect  knowledge 
and  attainment,  readiness  to  think  that  igno- 
rance and  want  of  training  cause  more  trouble 
than  intentional  neglect,  and  to  forgive  omis- 
sions and  commissions  which  are  honestly 
confessed.  Taken  in  this  light  and  judiciously 
guided,  it  is  sincerely  to  be  doubted  whether 
servants  prove  on  the  whole  more  ungrateful 

90 


Mistresses  and  Maids 


and  unresponsive  than  the  children  on  whom 
we  lavish  love,  persuasion,  and  devotion  from 
the  day  they  are  born.  We  expect  refine- 
ment from  those  who  have  no  bn-thright  to 
this  helpful  gift ;  we  expect  unselfish  devotion 
from  those  who  owe  us  nothing  and  do  not 
love  us  ;  we  look  for  good  manners  from  the 
ignorant,  and  unfailing  memory  from  those 
whose  untrained  minds  and  careless,  undis- 
ciplined lives  have  done  nothing  to  system- 
atize their  thoughts  or  give  steadiness  to 
character.  Are  we  not  of  those  who  expect 
grapes  from  thorns  and  figs  from  thistles  ? 

If  we  will  but  justly  weigh  human  infirmity 
and  imperfect  training,  and  honestly  compare 
the  shortcomings  of  our  servants  with  those 
of  our  children  and  friends,  in  their  relative 
positions,  remembering  what  lies  behind  the 
former  in  the  years  of  their  humble  childhood, 
we  will  wonder  oftener  that  they  do  so  well 
rather  than  that  they  forget  so  often.  If  we 
realize  that  until  we  have  earned  the  precious 
tributes  of  love  and  reverence,  they  are  simply 
working  for  daily  bread,  without  any  special 
interest,  we  will  be  surprised  that  they  so  often 

91 


Home  Thoughts 


try  to  give  us  personal  comfort  and  pleasure. 
If  we  will  but  be  just,  and  patiently  first  learn 
and  then  teach,  I  can  almost  guarantee  that 
any  earnest  woman  can  have  not  only  good 
servants  but  loving  friends  to  perform  the 
duties  of  her  household. 


92 


The  Eldest  Born 


X 

THE    ELDEST    BORN 

THE  clever  and  observant  author  of 
"  The  Garden  of  Peace  "  speaks  of 
her  newborn  son  as  the  "  Heir  of  All 
the  Ages."  There  is  much  humor 
in  her  frequent  mention  of  this  important 
member  of  the  family,  whose  first  views  of 
life  were  taken  in  the  lovely  flowery  vicinage 
of  the  dear  place,  so  fertile  of  joy  that  its 
owner  had  to  let  her  cup  o'erflow  for  the  good 
of  mankind.  There  is  no  doubt  that  this 
new  "  heir"  of  the  tranquil  kingdom  asserted 
his  rights. 

The  whole  gamut  of  human  experience 
seems  to  be  needed  to  sing  the  song  of  wel- 
come to  the  first-born  child.  The  small, 
sleepy,  downy  head,  resting  on  its  happy 
mother's  arm  wears  an  unseen  crown  ;  the 
tiny  little  clenched  hand  holds  an  invisible 
sceptre.  No  one  attempts  to  rival  its  claims, 
no    one    pauses  if  its    inarticulate    cry   gives 

93 


Home  Thoughts 


utterance  to  a  want.  The  whole  Hfe  of  the 
family  is  altered,  the  revolution  is  complete. 
Yesterday,  the  master  of  the  house  was  a 
strong  man,  whose  preferences  were  the  law 
of  the  realm,  whose  very  lightest  wish  was 
studied,  and  whose  convenience  must  be 
awaited  by  old  and  young.  To-day,  he  treads 
softly  upon  his  own  stairway,  hushes  his  song 
or  cheery  whistle,  knocks  ere  he  enters,  and 
is  an  exile  under  his  own  roof.  That  all- 
conquering  hero  whose  soft  breathing  could 
be  stifled  with  one  rude  touch  controls  the 
field ;  the  kingdom  is  no  longer  his  who 
founded,  and  furnished,  and  walled  it  about 
with  loving  care. 

At  this  critical  epoch  in  the  life  of  a  man, 
much  of  the  future  of  his  home  and  happiness 
hangs  on  his  conception  of  his  share  in  the 
new  order  of  things.  Everything  depends  on 
the  view  he  takes  of  his  paternity,  and  on  his 
wife's  ability  to  convey  to  him  her  unchanged 
devotion,  even  though  helpless,  and  herself 
imperiously  governed  by  her  tiny  son.  We 
readily  enough  take  cognizance  of  the  mother's 
self-forgetful ness,  we    grow  tender    over    the 

94 


The  Eldest  Born 


cost  with  which  she  bought  her  boy,  and  we 
are  always  trying  to  make  cheerful  and  amus- 
ing the  separated  idle  days  in  which  she  tries 
to  restore  her  strength.  No  one  fails  to 
realize  that  she  has  won  her  joy  bravely,  or  to 
feel  that  however  dear,  and  lovely,  and  exalted 
this  new  path  is,  into  which  her  young  feet 
have  turned  themselves  so  courageously,  she 
has  left  the  rose  garden  of  life  and  come  to 
where  she  must  climb  steadfastly,  without 
dalliance  for  pleasure  by  the  way. 

But  apart  from  congratulations  to  a  "  proud 
father,"  the  world  holds  his  place  at  his  wife's 
side  to  be  devoid  of  much  room  for  heroism 
and  makes  little  comment  on  his  suddenly 
subversed  dominion.  If  he  be  a  man  who 
finds  horse,  or  club,  or  swift-flying  boat  a  sub- 
stitute for  the  fond  and  undisturbed  com- 
panionship which  hitherto  had  been  always  at 
his  command,  even  then  he  is  a  dethroned 
monarch  ;  but  if  he  is  one  to  whom  home 
means  his  rest  and  wife  means  his  happiness, 
his  first  experience  of  fatherhood  is  not  with- 
out demand  for  self-abnegation.  Perhaps  if 
young  hearts  looked  beyond  their  joy  that  "  a 

95 


Home  Thoughts 


man  is  born  into  the  world  "  and  saw  in  each 
demand  the  infant  ruler  makes  a  cipher  mes- 
sage by  which  life  is  transmitting  to  them 
instruction  for  the  readjustment  of  their  de- 
pendence on  each  other,  the  new  order  could 
be  made  more  inspiring  and  more  helpful. 
They  might  see  even  more  delightful  days 
ahead  than  those  earlier  ones  in  which  the 
only  question  was,  how  shall  we  find  most 
pleasure  ?  He  is  the  manliest  man  who  can 
best  rule  himself,  and  he  the  noblest  who  will 
use  his  strength  to  uphold  the  weak,  and 
there  never  was  a  better  opportunity  to  test 
such  power  to  rule,  or  such  willingness  to 
serve  the  feeble,  than  when  a  man  yields  his 
sweet  wife's  society,  at  every  summons  of  a 
baby's  cry,  and  has  to  give  up  his  most 
cherished  habits  that  mother  and  boy  may 
safely  take  up  the  first  steps  of  their  long 
journey. 

Last    year  the    ride,   the    drive,   the    little 
journey    here    or    there ;    the     uninterrupted 
hours    of   music,    or    reading,   or  study;  the 
pleasant  "  on  the  spur  of  the  minute"  expedi- 
tions   without    plan,   let,  or    hindrance.      No 

96 


The  Eldest  Born 


more  then  needed,  than:  "  Let  us  go,"  and 
together  an  adventure  full  of  zest.  Now, 
always  an  interest  prior  and  constraining, 
which  cannot  be  set  aside  and  in  which  ma- 
ternity has  the  intense  comfort  of  being  the 
sovereign  source  of  good  and  protection, 
while  to  the  father  is  left  only  loneliness,  need 
to  find  occupation  which  is  unshared,  and  an 
endeavor  to  fall  back  on  his  own  resources. 

Not  seldom  in  the  years  of  a  long  Hfe  can 
a  reflecting  observer  see  the  unconscious 
mother  wound  and  bitterly  hurt  a  sensitive 
husband's  heart  by  an  absorption  in  her  chil- 
dren that  leaves  her  independent  of  his  com- 
panionship. She  does  not  love  him  less,  she 
is  sorely  distressed  if  he  seems  absorbed  in 
his  affairs  and  is  eager  for  his  praise,  but  when 
he  comes,  one  theme  is  always  the  ground  of 
conversation :  the  children's  sayings,  doings, 
wants,  illnesses,  appearance.  Life  is  a  mere 
addendum  to  the  nursery.  Out  of  homes 
like  this,  surely  come  selfish  children,  de- 
manding, controlling,  and  inexpressibly  trying 
to  everybody  about  them.  The  infant  of 
days,  by  masterful  and  undeniable  right,  sits 
7  97 


Home  Thoughts 


on  the  household  throne ;  no  one  may  say 
him  "  Nay,"  but  by  every  wise  rule  of  gov- 
ernment and  every  exercise  of  judgment  and 
good  sense,  the  revolution  should  be  quelled 
when  the  young  life  has  become  suited  to  its 
environment,  and  the  rightful  king  should 
reign  in  his  own  name  again. 

It  is  not  an  easy  problem  to  solve ;  it  is 
not  a  light  task  to  accomplish,  this  discovery 
of  how  to  add  the  duties  of  a  devoted  mother 
to  those  of  a  devoted  wife,  but  the  problem 
cannot  be  left  undemonstrated,  the  task  un- 
executed. Left  to  chance,  happiness  will 
have  to  struggle  for  its  existence  and  love 
continually  have  to  fret  its  perfect  cord  against 
rough  abrading  places.  When  the  intelli- 
gence of  developing  childhood  can  respond 
to  a  father's  touch  and  word,  most  children 
show  a  marked  partiality  for  the  support  of 
a  strong  arm,  and  love  a  deep  and  cheerful 
voice.  I  am  reminded  here  of  the  dear  face 
of  a  little  blind  boy,  whose  sweet  look  of  con- 
tent was  beautiful  beyond  expression  as  he  lay 
on  his  father's  firm  arm.  He  was  delighted 
by   being   carried   about,   while  in  a  cheerful 

98 


The  Eldest  Born 


tone  the  strong  man  sang  soldier  songs  to 
him.  The  most  unmistakable  happiness  was 
visible  in  the  beloved  little  creature  whose 
eyes  could  not  see  his  father's  face,  and  whose 
mute  lips  could  not  speak.  The  strong  step 
had  kept  true  on  many  a  long  route,  but  the 
virile  dignity  of  the  man  was  highest  in  my 
eyes  while  this  frail  baby  enjoyed  his  mimic 
march. 

The  wonderful  bond  of  paternal  love  is 
only  to  be  known  by  the  experience  of  its 
immeasurable  strength.  The  childless  houses 
of  our  generation  are  built  on  foundations 
lacking  the  cementing  firmness  which  can 
only  be  tested  by  those  who  can  talk  together 
of  "  our  children."  To  analyze  it  is  as  im- 
possible as  to  discover  the  hidden  mystery  by 
which  a  divine  Creator  bids  the  soul  live,  and 
lights  in  its  frail  mortal  tenement  that  immortal 
intelligence  which  cannot  be  quenched.  Who 
shall  count  the  innumerable  host  of  querulous 
and  selfish  women  who  have  been  forgiven 
and  maintained  "  for  the  children's  sake  "  ? 
How  many  an  unworthy  and  debased  man 
has  been  patiently  cared  for  and  tenderly  for- 

99 


Home  Thoughts 


given,  because  young  voices  called  him  father  ? 
And  when  the  birth  of  an  heir  leads  a  man  to 
make  the  best  of  his  opportunities  and  the 
most  of  his  personal  endowment,  it  is  easily 
seen  that  the  upheaval  of  the  old  quiet  of  the 
initial  days  of  married  life  is  a  step  toward  the 
attainment  of  the  greatest  end,  a  revolution 
which  leads  to  the  better  government  of 
home. 

When  the  old  prophet  strove  to  find  words 
to  convey  the  uttermost  expression  of  human 
well-being  and  delight,  he  brought  to  his  aid 
a  picture  of  the  untamed  beasts  of  the  forest 
living  in  amity,  with  "  a  little  child  "  as  their 
leader.  This  vision  of  a  world  robbed  of 
savage  instincts  and  subject  to  innocence  and 
love,  is  as  fitting  an  illustration  of  the  perfect 
home  as  we  could  seek,  nor  is  it  an  exaggera- 
tion to  assert  that  many  a  man  would  rather 
that  his  bitterest  enemy  should  witness  his 
debasement,  than  that  his  boy  should  see  him 
stagger.  While  yet  a  child  is  too  young  for 
responsibility,  and  innocence  is  still  his  unim- 
paired birthright,  there  is  an  incentive  to  keep 
the  atmosphere  untainted  which  he  breathes. 

lOO 


The  Eldest  Born 


It  is  sweet  to  realize  that  something  unspotted 
from  the  world  sleeps  beneath  the  roof.  That 
we  daily  are  in  contact  with  a  heart  all  loving, 
in  which  hope  is  indigenous  and  full  of  force, 
is  a  source  of  great  delight,  and  a  strong  in- 
centive to  beware  of  gloom  and  discontent. 
To  meet  eyes  which  trust  us  without  question, 
to  receive  caresses  which  are  not  measured  by 
our  worthiness  but  are  the  spontaneous  fruit 
of  a  love  which  seeks  no  proofs  of  our  merit, 
cannot  be  a  light  matter  to  any  man.  These 
are  a  father's  guerdon  and  repay  many  an  hour 
of  patient  self-denial.  If  a  man  or  woman 
finds  the  greed  and  false  efforts  of  his  or  her 
world  are  infecting  the  spirit  with  the  lower- 
ing influences  they  exert,  God  has  left  no 
such  restraining  power  in  a  sinful  world  as 
the  fear  to  injure  a  child  or  lose  its  love. 

It  is  pleasant  to  think  of  the  many  homes 
to  which  children  are  daily  coming  on  their 
gentle  missions  of  discipline  and  elevation. 
Whether  with  sturdy  growth  they  quickly 
advance  to  vigorous,  companionable  child- 
hood and  bring  into  the  home  the  ministry 
of  joy,  or,  through  the  trial  of  their  pain  and 

lOI 


Home  Thoughts 


failure  to  advance,  call  forth  all  that  lovely 
train  of  maternal  characteristics  which  sanctify 
motherhood ;  the  patience  which  has  no  limit, 
the  tenderness  which  never  fails,  the  fortitude 
that  shrinks  from  nothing  which  might  bring 
rehef,  yet  do  they  come  to  each  household 
bearing  a  blessing  that  God  has  not  intrusted 
to  other  hands. 


102 


Disagreeable  Children 


XI 
DISAGREEABLE    CHILDREN 

THE  mother  of  three  darling  children 
told  me  of  her  trials  in  finding  an 
apartment  in  New  York  :  "  But, 
you  see,  my  dear  friend,  they  don't 
want  my  children."  I  heartily  wished  that  I 
might  have  gone  with  her  from  house  to 
house  to  explain  that  these  happy  little  ones 
were  acquisitions  who  might  be  gladly  wel- 
comed anywhere.  But  the  fact  that  they  were 
really  a  grave  impediment  to  finding  desirable 
lodgings  set  me  thinking  very  seriously,  and 
has  made  me  watchful  of  other  children  and 
their  mothers,  with  a  view  to  solving  the 
reasons. 

Lately  the  interest  then  aroused  has  been 
increased  by  hearing  the  members  of  a  sum- 
mer colony  congratulate  themselves  on  the 
discovery  that  there  was  not  a  child  within 
their  borders.  Yet  I  have  seen  ample  reasons 
to  justify   these   hard   sayings,  and   it   seems 

103 


Home  Thoughts 


little  short  of  cruelty  so  to  bring  up  children 
that  they  are  looked  upon  as  public  nuisances. 
If  there  is  anything  which  should  appeal  to 
the  best  side  of  human  nature  In  every  phase 
of  life,  it  is  the  beauty  and  sweetness  and  joy 
of  a  child,  and  to  have  them  debarred  from 
certain  comfortable  and  desirable  places  be- 
cause they  are  destructive  to  the  peace  of  the 
people  and  injurious  to  the  material  beauty 
of  the  dwelling,  tells  a  sad  story  of  neglect 
and  selfishness  on  the  part  of  their  mothers. 

The  three  jolly  little  ones  of  whom  I  spoke 
were  so  attractive  and  delightful  that  even 
neighboring  families  greived  to  have  them 
leave  a  country  place,  where  their  pretty  faces 
and  picturesque  little  figures  were  beauty  spots, 
as  they  trotted  about  trundling  their  wagons 
or  absorbed  in  quiet  merry  plays.  They  were 
saved  from  fretting  because  they  knew  that 
"  no  "  once  said  was  final,  and  that  no  end  of 
coaxing  or  crying  did  anything  towards  get- 
ting a  thing  once  denied  them  ;  they  caused  no 
disorder,  for  they  were  required  to  pick  up 
and  bring  home  their  playthings ;  they  were 
never  allowed  to  shriek  when  they  were  pleased 

104 


Disagreeable  Children 


nor  quarrel  when  they  were  vexed,  and  they 
were  required  to  obey  impHcitly  and  at  once. 
At  the  end  of  a  six-weeks  visit  to  a  relative 
even  the  servants  grieved  to  say  "  good-bye  " 
to  the  merry  little  souls  who  had  endeared 
themselves  to  every  one,  even  to  those  who 
only  watched  them  at  their  play.  Had  they 
found  entrance  where  they  were  ruled  out,  I 
believe  they  would  have  acted  as  missionaries 
in  behalf  of  their  kind. 

But  there  can  be  no  doubt  that  few  mothers 
have  so  endowed  their  children,  and  it  is  so 
much  easier  to  let  them  do  as  they  please, 
until  the  consequences  begin  to  show  them- 
selves in  their  developing  characters  that  in 
these  days  of  unending  occupation  and  diver- 
sion, in  which  so  little  time  is  spent  either  in 
the  nursery  by  the  mother  or  by  the  children 
at  her  knee  elsewhere,  an  obedient  and  there- 
fore happy  child  is  seldom  seen. 

Whenever  a  self-willed,  strong-minded  child 
learns  to  have  entire  confidence  in  his  mother's 
judgment  and  firmness,  and  learns  to  know 
that  she  always  tries  to  give  him  pleasures 
which  are  good  for  him  ;  when  he  sees  that  it 

105 


Home  Thoughts 


little  short  of  cruelty  so  to  bring  up  children 
that  they  are  looked  upon  as  public  nuisances. 
If  there  is  anything  which  should  appeal  to 
the  best  side  of  human  nature  in  every  phase 
of  life,  it  is  the  beauty  and  sweetness  and  joy 
of  a  child,  and  to  have  them  debarred  from 
certain  comfortable  and  desirable  places  be- 
cause they  are  destructive  to  the  peace  of  the 
people  and  injurious  to  the  material  beauty 
of  the  dwelling,  tells  a  sad  story  of  neglect 
and  selfishness  on  the  part  of  their  mothers. 

The  three  jolly  little  ones  of  whom  I  spoke 
were  so  attractive  and  delightful  that  even 
neighboring  families  greived  to  have  them 
leave  a  country  place,  where  their  pretty  faces 
and  picturesque  little  figures  were  beauty  spots, 
as  they  trotted  about  trundling  their  wagons 
or  absorbed  in  quiet  merry  plays.  They  were 
saved  from  fretting  because  they  knew  that 
"  no  "  once  said  was  final,  and  that  no  end  of 
coaxing  or  crying  did  anything  towards  get- 
ting a  thing  once  denied  them  ;  they  caused  no 
disorder,  for  they  were  required  to  pick  up 
and  bring  home  their  playthings;  they  were 
never  allowed  to  shriek  when  they  were  pleased 

104 


Disagreeable  Children 


nor  quarrel  when  they  were  vexed,  and  they 
were  required  to  obey  implicitly  and  at  once. 
At  the  end  of  a  six-weeks  visit  to  a  relative 
even  the  servants  grieved  to  say  "  good-bye  " 
to  the  merry  little  souls  who  had  endeared 
themselves  to  every  one,  even  to  those  who 
only  watched  them  at  their  play.  Had  they 
found  entrance  where  they  were  ruled  out,  I 
believe  they  would  have  acted  as  missionaries 
in  behalf  of  their  kind. 

But  there  can  be  no  doubt  that  few  mothers 
have  so  endowed  their  children,  and  it  is  so 
much  easier  to  let  them  do  as  they  please, 
until  the  consequences  begin  to  show  them- 
selves in  their  developing  characters  that  in 
these  days  of  unending  occupation  and  diver- 
sion, in  which  so  little  time  is  spent  either  in 
the  nursery  by  the  mother  or  by  the  children 
at  her  knee  elsewhere,  an  obedient  and  there- 
fore happy  child  is  seldom  seen. 

Whenever  a  self-willed,  strong-minded  child 
learns  to  have  entire  confidence  in  his  mother's 
judgment  and  firmness,  and  learns  to  know 
that  she  always  tries  to  give  him  pleasures 
which  are  good  for  him  ;  when  he  sees  that  it 

105 


Disagreeable  Children 


to  do  this.  How  many  a  pleasant  talk  has 
been  interrupted,  how  many  an  otherwise 
helpful  visit  has  been  lost  by  a  teasing,  pulling 
child,  tormenting  its  mother  either  to  listen 
to  its  demands  or  to  go  somewhere. 

The  whole  of  its  life  lies  in  what  the  child 
learns  of  these  things,  and  it  must  either  grow 
into  selfish  manhood  or  womanhood,  or  have 
the  evil  beaten  out  by  the  hard  and  bitter 
teaching  of  the  world  in  which  it  was  meant 
to  be  happy  and  useful,  rather  than  to  begin 
thus  late  to  learn  that  we  cannot  live  unto 
ourselves. 

The  nurse,  that  invaluable  lieutenant  to 
the  mother,  is  greatly  instrumental  in  making 
children  pleasant  inmates  of  a  house  and 
agreeable  companions.  Better  that  they 
never  knew  a  word  of  any  language  but  their 
own,  that  they  were  devoid  of  many  society 
accomplishments,  than  that  they  should  lack 
an  influence  always  supplementing  the  mo- 
ther's rule  of  faithful  obedience,  respect  for 
the  rights  of  others,  and  primary  self-restraint, 
which  is  the  foundation  of  all  pleasant  inter- 
course between  human  beings  of  every  age. 

107 


Home  Thoughts 


is  not  to  spare  herself  trouble,  but  to  save 
him  from  harm,  that  he  is  denied  his  wish,  he 
will  content  himself,  with  only  rare  exceptions, 
to  follow  her  guidance  without  murmuring. 
Whether  it  is  through  reasoning,  or  by  the 
quick  instinctive  conclusions  which  childhood 
comes  to,  the  result  is  the  same,  and  they 
are  admirable  judges  of  character  and  great 
respecters  of  consistent  government. 

It  is  the  child  whose  mother  says  "  No  " 
to-day,  and  "  Yes  "  to-morrow,  without  any 
reason  for  the  change,  or  who  refuses  utterly 
at  first,  and  then  is  teased  into  saying  "  Just  a 
little,"  who  whines  and  cries  and  argues  and 
rebels. 

To  learn  to  respect  the  perfection  of  things 
is  of  infinite  value  to  a  child.  If  it  is  a  flower, 
to  shelter  and  try  to  keep  it  alive,  never 
wantonly  to  pluck  and  fling  away  a  blossom ; 
if  it  is  a  book,  not  to  deface  or  mar  it ;  if  it  is 
a  wall,  not  to  mark  or  deface  it;  if  it  is  a 
smooth-rolled  lawn,  not  to  litter  it  with  rub- 
bish or  deface  it  with  wheel  marks.  To  learn 
to  wait  patiently  ;  all  their  lives  long  they 
will  give  thanks  for  having  been  taught  how 

io6 


Home  Thoughts 


obnoxious  child  owes  his  condition  to  his 
mother,  and  she  has  been  very  cruel  to  him. 

I  have  a  child  in  my  mind  now,  whose 
defiant  eyes  are  a  strange  study  to  a  child- 
lover,  and  whose  repellent  manner  leaves  you 
in  doubt  what  strategy  to  use  to  keep  her 
from  injuring  herself.  At  once  you  realize 
that  not  until  "  the  last  ditch  "  is  reached  will 
she  yield  a  jot  to  your  entreaties.  Already 
you  are  afraid  for  her  in  the  present,  and  in 
the  future  —  alas  !  how  will  she  ever  meet 
that? 

These  thoughts  are  home  thoughts  and 
woman's  thoughts,  and  both  these  combine 
against  places  where  a  little  child  is  unwel- 
come. It  is  a  pitiful  thing  to  know  that 
our  selfishness  and  unfaithfulness  can  daily 
strengthen  the  barriers  of  their  exclusion,  and 
so  add  to  the  loss  of  one  of  the  most  human- 
izing and  purifying  influences  God  has  sent 
into  the  world. 


no 


The  Unconquerable  "Ego" 


XII 

THE    UNCONQUERABLE 
"EGO" 

THE  proverbial  suffering  of  the  hen 
who  has  to  play  mother  to  a  brood 
of  ducklings  is  but  a  faint  type  of 
what  human  mothers  and  fathers 
endure  while  educating  and  guiding  children 
alien  in  nature  and  sometimes  incomprehen- 
sible through  mental  differences. 

The  laughing  watcher  beside  the  barnyard 
pond,  who  sees  the  ruffled  fowl  running  back- 
ward and  forward,  and  wildly  clucking  and 
calling,  while  with  infinite  zest  her  water- 
loving  flock  sail  off  in  proud  serenity,  may 
see  no  similarity  to  human  life  ;  but  it  is  there, 
true  even  to  that  crucial  point  in  the  hen's 
wretchedness  when,  lured  by  some  tempting 
bit  below  the  surface,  the  small  white  heads 
dip  deep  into  the  water,  and  in  their  greedy 
enjoyment  are  lost  to  her  sight.      Poor  mother, 

III 


Home  Thoughts 


to  whom  the  water  means  death,  and  who  has 
no  taste  for  aqueous  beetles  ! 

It  is  surely  too  late  to  question  heredity  or 
to  argue  about  what  share  we  have  in  the 
characteristics  of  our  children  ;  broad  family 
lines  are  too  plainly  seen  under  every  roof  to 
dispute  on  this  point.  But  the  variety  in 
unity  is  a  curious  and  interesting  study,  and 
one  that  makes  family  government  a  very 
coinplex  matter.  And  sometimes  one  child, 
born  under  the  same  roof,  nurtured  at  the 
same  breast,  guided  by  the  same  hand,  will 
stand  so  apart  from  its  brethren  that  one  is 
ready  to  believe  in  the  old  tales  of  fairy 
changelings. 

Physically,  children  are  less  variable — as 
to  constitutional  tendencies,  I  mean.  We 
often  see  the  sunny  locks  of  a  little  sister,  in 
sharp  and  pretty  contrast  with  the  dark  curls 
of  another,  but  they  will  nine  times  out  often 
have  a  tendency  to  the  same  disorders,  and 
prove  their  kinship  by  their  resistance  of 
others.  But  it  is  strangely  different  in  rela- 
tion to  their  hearts  and  minds.  The  strong 
and  selfish  go-ahead  boy  will  crowd  out  even 

I  12 


The  Unconquerable  "Ego" 

an  older  brother,  whose  quieter  nature  avoids 
the  rough  contact  he  cannot  combat. 

The  school-room  will  show  two  girls  sepa- 
rated in  age  only  by  a  couple  of  years,  taught 
from  the  beginning  by  the  same  persons,  and 
under  precisely  the  same  influences,  one  of 
whom  is  ambitious,  shrewd,  expressive,  alert, 
while  the  other  has  to  be  spurred  and  coaxed, 
and  even  coerced  to  accomplish  anything. 
The  teacher  calls  one  clever  and  industrious, 
and  the  other  lazy  and  dull,  but  the  mother's 
heart  looks  deeper,  seeking  the  springs  of 
action.  Why  should  the  offspring  of  her  own 
quick  sensitive  mind  be  so  listless  and  unob- 
servant? Why  should  their  generous  father 
see  in  one  of  his  own  little  girls  a  selfish 
keenness  which  will  have  precedence  over  her 
sister  at  any  cost  ? 

And  as  time  goes  on,  and  every  influence 
of  tender  care  and  steadfast,  gentle  discipline 
and  religious  guidance  is  brought  to  bear, 
strengthening  weakness  and  combating  evil, 
with  what  meek  discomfiture  do  mothers 
every  day  stand  before  their  developing  chil- 
dren and  see  the  dominant  self  in  them  break 

8  113 


Home  Thoughts 


away  from  rule  and  tradition,  and  stand  each 
for  itself,  ungovernable  by  any  power  but 
God's  and  the  force  of  their  own  determi- 
nation. 

In  the  choice  of  professions  among  young 
men,  it  is  intensely  interesting  to  try  to  trace 
the  germs  of  determining  decision.  The 
clever  physician,  at  the  head  of  a  large  and 
paying  practice,  watches  for  his  eldest  boy's 
maturity,  eager  to  have  him  share  his  scientific 
research,  happy  that  he  has  attained  an  emi- 
nence where  there  is  room  for  his  successor 
and  namesake  to  stand  also  ;  a  place  whence 
he  can  walk  forward  on  a  plane  of  success, 
from  which  all  the  rough  places  have  been 
made  smooth.  Some  day  the  youth  carelessly 
declares  that  he  has  determined  on  his  own 
career ;  he  is  going  to  be  a  mining  engineer 
or  an  electrician.  To  the  remonstrance  which 
points  out  that  in  these  fields  his  father  has 
neither  influence  nor  friends,  the  embryo  sci- 
entist counters  with  vehement  protest  against 
spending  his  life  "  in  sick-rooms,  looking  at 
tongues  and  feeling  pulses."  Deep  down  in 
the  successful  doctor's  heart  a  mine  has  ex- 

114 


The  Unconquerable  '*Ego" 

ploded.  What  is  all  the  world's  applause,  if 
to  one's  oldest  son,  life's  great  attainment  and 
the  recognition  of  his  fellows,  looks  like  this 
and  can  be  summed  up  in  a  few  contemptuous 
words  like  these  ? 

We  are  so  helpless  before  our  children  ! 
What  craving  is  like  it;  what  deep-rooted 
desire  exceeds  it,  this  yearning  for  the  admira- 
tion, the  confidence,  the  respect  of  our  sons 
and  daughters  ?  Lovers  are  all  very  well  in 
their  time-honored  role  ;  there  is  reason  that 
they  should  fall  captive  to  feminine  charm 
and  sweetness ;  the  husband's  fond  sympathetic 
praise  is  the  harvest  of  a  love  which  has 
endured  and  never  grown  critical.  But  the 
judgment  of  our  children  is  (a  woman  feels 
this  to  her  heart's  core)  the  true  tribunal 
before  which  to  set  one's  character  for  a  real 
test  of  its  worth.  If  the  father  is  a  hero  to 
his  sons,  and  the  daughters  are  eagerly  imita- 
tive of  their  mother,  their  characters  need  no 
other  eulogy.  And  for  a  mother  who,  leaning 
on  the  arm  of  a  son,  knows  that  he  is  proud 
and  glad  to  own  his  lineage,  life's  best  laurel 
has  been  won. 

115 


Home  Thoughts 


Perhaps  in  no  other  way  does  the  strange 
thing  which  we  call  individuality,  the  thing 
which  dwells  apart  in  the  heart  and  mind  and 
makes  the  real  man  or  woman,  show  itself 
so  vividly  as  in  the  marriages  our  children 
make.  For  what  reason  does  that  vigorous, 
athletic,  breezy  fellow  find  his  ideal  in  a 
feeble,  languid,  listless  girl,  whose  interests 
are  never  roused  by  anything  but  a  new 
bonnet,  and  whose  only  efforts  arise  from  a 
desire  to  show  that  she  is  beautiful  ?  Yet  he 
will  forget  everything  to  watch  her  cross  a 
room,  and  think  her  attitude,  as  her  tall 
gracefulness  poses  on  a  sofa,  something  on 
which  to  pin  the  happiness  of  a  life. 

Why  does  the  man  who  has  lived  from  his 
birth  in  an  atmosphere  pure  and  elevating 
and  fastidiously  refined,  find  charm  in  noisy 
vulgarity,  and  devote  himself  to  a  woman 
devoid  of  all  that  makes  home  lovely  or  life 
worth  living?  What  is  there  in  his  nature, 
which  his  mother  has  watched  since  first  his 
eves  showed  that  he  knew  her  (yet  hidden  all 
these    years),   which    gives   charm    to    coarse 

coquetry  and  brainless  folly  ? 

ii6 


The  Unconquerable  *'Ego'* 

And  the  daughters !  How  many  a  sad 
old  heart  has  beaten  feverishly  from  dread  and 
sorrow,  as  the  father,  helpless  to  hinder,  had  to 
lay  his  daughter's  hand  in  the  greedy  unclean 
grasp  of  a  man  he  despised  ?  The  worthy, 
the  generous,  the  chivalric  have  sought  her, 
but  here  is  her  choice.  That  integral  self, 
which  has  lived  through  education,  and  train- 
ing, and  force  of  example,  has  at  last  declared 
itself  There  is  something  in  the  hidden 
heart  which  makes  this  choice,  and  the  child 
has  been  all  along  a  stranger  to  him,  while  he 
thought  he  knew  her  inmost  thoughts. 

Yet  from  this  individual  expression  have 
come  the  forceful  natures  of  the  world,  and 
were  we  able  to  form  our  children  on  a  pattern 
shaped  by  ourselves,  neither  heroes,  nor  inven- 
tors, nor  discoverers,  nay,  not  even  poets, 
would  have  enriched  human  history.  Merci- 
fully, even  pain  and  mistakes  contribute  to 
men's  greatness  and  women's  larger  nobility. 
I  have  known  even  sin,  with  its  bitter  experi- 
ence and  after  deep  regret,  lift  a  man  into 
heroism,  and  there  is  a  time  in  the  develop- 
ment of  every  family  of  children  when  in  their 

117 


Home  Thoughts 


maturity  parents  must  stand  aside  and  let 
nature  assert  itself. 

Respect  for  what  is  a  child's  strongly  de- 
clared bent  is  too  little  thought  of.  If  your 
boy  was  meant  to  swim,  O  suffering  mother  ! 
let  him  launch  himself  upon  the  element 
God  fitted  him  for,  and  do  not  tie  him  to  the 
shore. 

Nothing  has  made  so  many  lives  abortive 
as  the  measuring  of  lines  along  which  they 
must  run.  The  weary  hours  spent  by  young 
girls  and  women  in  the  endeavor  to  acquire 
traditional  accomplishments  for  which  they 
have  neither  taste  nor  talent,  when  their  true 
vocation  has  been  active  participation  in  out- 
door life  while  children,  and  the  stirring  work 
of  social  and  civil  amelioration  in  their  woman- 
hood, can  never  be  numbered,  but  they  have 
swelled  the  record  of  lost  happiness. 

The  dedication  of  a  girl's  whole  life  to  the 
social  round  that  she  abhors,  because  her 
family  have  always  been  prominent  in  its 
festivities,  is  surely  as  warping  and  hardening 
as  real  yet  needless  suffering  always  is.  The 
pain  God  sends,  the  curb  He  fits  to  our  lives, 

ii8 


The  Unconquerable  **Ego" 

borne  patiently,  ennoble,  but  the  fret  of  use- 
less thwarting  ruins  character. 

I  am  far  from  advocating  that  our  children 
should  be  allowed  wilfully  to  make  themselves 
"  peculiar,"  that  barrier  to  sympathy  and 
hindrance  to  success,  nor  that  the  whims  of 
early  youth  should  be  taken  too  seriously,  but 
I  stand  as  the  sturdy  champion  of  heaven- 
given  tendency  and  purpose. 

No  more  pitiable  story  of  misgoverned 
ability  has  been  frankly  disclosed  to  us  than 
the  life  of  James  Russell  Lowell  confesses. 
The  struggle  he  made  to  accept  the  law  as  his 
profession,  the  miserable  efforts  of  his  eager, 
poetic  brain  either  to  master  it  technically  or 
use  it  as  an  instrument  for  earning  his  liveli- 
hood, are  laid  bare  for  us  with  sincere  fidelity. 
We  are  carried  along,  our  hearts  aching  beside 
him,  to  that  thirtieth  year  when  he  was  so 
sorely  tempted  to  blow  out  the  subtle  brain 
which  afterwards  charmed  all  English-speaking 
men,  and  served  his  country  with  such  great 
ability. 

And  this  illustrious  example,  only  of  greater 
force  because  of  the  greatness  of  the  subject, 

119 


Home  Thoughts 


has  its  companion  life  in  every  profession, 
every  avocation,  every  domestic  circle  in  the 
land  —  lives  which  stand  still,  minds  that  attain 
nothing,  but  are  like  engines,  whose  throttles 
are  for  ever  kept  closed. 

Times  of  great  pain,  incomprehensible  to 
any  other  phase  of  human  relationship,  come 
to  parents  who  see  their  children  deliberately 
make  an  evil  choice.  Such  subtly  balanced 
arguments  go  on  in  the  parental  mind  that 
none  but  fathers  and  mothers  can  follow  ! 
To  be  cold  and  hard  and  shut  the  door  of  the 
heart,  leave  the  child  alone  with  its  error  ;  to 
be  tender  and  caressing  is  to  set  a  premium 
on  disobedience  and  wrong-doing.  To  be 
silent  is  to  leave  the  plainest  duty  undone ;  to 
"  nag  "  and  keep  up  a  fret  of  argument  are  to 
kill  influence  and  weaken  affection. 

Then  comes  that  strange  questioning,  which 
never  can  be  answered :  Who  planted  this 
seed?  By  what  inheritance,  near  or  remote, 
did  this  distorted  view  of  life  take  root.^ 
When  did  the  young  soul  receive  this  smirch, 
which  has  proved  a  germ  of  loss  and  error  ? 
Ah !  at  these    times    the  mother    heart  cries 


1 20 


The  Unconquerable  **Ego" 

"  out  of  the  depths"  for  wisdom  to  compass 
the  problem  of  her  duty. 

Yet  to  the  observer  who  has  lived  long 
abundant  opportunities  have  come  to  see  the 
straightening  of  many  a  tangle,  once  looked 
on  as  hopeless,  and  watch  the  far-stretching 
happiness  and  influence  of  the  widening  circles 
from  a  parent  family.  In  the  midst,  on  days 
of  festival,  sit  serene  old  people  content  with 
the  rich  harvest  of  their  married  lives.  The 
child  about  whom  they  perhaps  felt  most  fear 
has  won  his  victory  over  self  and  wilfulness, 
and  with  the  marks  of  the  battle  upon  him 
comes  back  to  the  fountain-head  of  all  that  is 
good  in  his  nature.  The  sailor-lad,  once  so 
eager  for  roaming  and  the  restless  life  of  the 
sea,  is  the  one  to  whom  home  is  the  dearest. 
Each  nature,  finding  its  own  groove,  has 
proved  its  own  strength  or  weakness,  and 
learned  the  value  of  what  in  early  manhood 
was  held  to  mean  so  little. 

And  for  the  daughter,  it  may  be  set  down 
as  an  axiom  capable  of  perfect  proof  that  she 
loves  home  and  mother  best  when  she  holds 
her  own  child  in  her  arms.     The  most  wilful, 

121 


Home  Thoughts 


reckless  girl  that  ever  lived  looks  at  herself 
and  her  past  in  a  new  light  when  she  folds 
her  own  baby  to  her  heart,  and  her  joy  is 
never  full  until  her  mother  has  taken  the  little 
one  in  her  arms. 

If  it  be  true  that  we  none  of  us  can  read 
each  other's  hearts,  and  that  we  are  always  in 
some  way  engimas  to  each  other,  it  is  espe- 
cially so  in  the  relations  of  parent  and  child. 
The  great  difference  of  age,  the  sense  of 
authority,  the  fear  of  being  laughed  at,  make 
the  child  reticent  of  ideas  foreign  to  his  home 
circle ;  the  impossibility  of  realizing  full 
maturity  and  independent  mental  action  in 
the  parent,  to  whom  his  offspring  are  always 
children,  makes  serious  obstacles  to  perfect 
understanding.  To  look  at  the  families  of 
our  neighbors  sometimes  acts  as  a  helpful 
object-lesson  ;  we  can  see  the  true  proportion 
of  things  more  easily.  Hope  and  trust  are 
our  best  props ;  "  heart  within,  and  God 
o'erhead,"  let  us  try  to  let  our  children's 
natures  grow  in  the  paths  they  choose  for 
themselves  without  despair  of  good  results. 


122 


What  Constitutes  a  Dull  Child 


XIII 

WHAT   CONSTITUTES   A    DULL 

CHILD 

AT  the  close  of  the  school  year  there 
is  a  stir  of  excitement  in  every  home, 
and  unceasing  talk  of  diplomas  and 
medals,  and  intense  interest  in  the 
hearts  of  parents  and  children  as  to  graduation 
honors.  It  may  not  be  amiss  to  step  aside 
for  a  few  minutes  and  weigh  these  things  in  a 
scale  which  shall  give  their  real  value.  There 
can  be  no  question  as  to  the  joy  of  attainment ; 
the  gold  medal  of  the  great  school,  the  vale- 
dictory of  the  college  class,  are  not  to  be 
spoken  of  lightly  among  this  world's  joys,  but 
what  they  stand  for  in  the  man's  future  is 
quite  another  view  of  their  importance. 

To  the  possessor,  perhaps,  the  medal  brings 
the  most  unadulterated  delight.  The  young 
collegian  has  already  eaten  more  freely  of  the 
fruit  of  the  tree  of  knowledge,  and  knows 
himself  and  the  world  a  little  better,  but  the 

123 


Home  Thoughts 


proud  lad  who  walks  forward  to  receive  the 
distinguishing  mark  of  the  best  scholar  in 
his  school  is  pale  with  strong  emotion  and 
envies  no  young  heir  of  kingdoms.  The 
noisy  plaudits  of  his  schoolmates,  the  cheers 
of  his  form,  the  happy  tears  in  his  mother's 
eyes,  the  grasp  of  his  father's  hand,  are  like 
the  several  ingredients  which  make  up  an 
elixir  of  life,  fairly  intoxicating  to  his  young 
brain. 

Yet  I  have  in  my  memory  to-day  three 
such  lads,  who  are  now  as  commonplace  men, 
of  even  less  than  second-rate  attainment,  as  one 
could  meet  in  a  day's  walk.  Extraordinary 
facility  for  mathematics  or  fluent  imaginative 
power  of  translation  goes  far  in  obtaining  this 
sort  of  reward,  and  they  do  not,  by  themselves, 
stand  for  great  vigor  of  thought  or  the  finest 
combinations  of  intellectual  forces. 

There  can  be  little  question  as  to  the  harm 
done  by  too  urgently  requiring  that  a  child 
should  bring  home  reports  which  shall  show 
the  highest  marks.  The  father  who  tears  up 
a  paper  and  throws  it  down  in  disgust  because 
his   boy  has  gained  only  eighty-five  out  of  a 

i?4 


What  Constitutes  a  Dull  Child 


possible  hundred  marks,  has  done  one  of  two 
things  :  the  child  will  over-exert  himself  to 
attain,  or  he  will  grow  bitter  over  the  injustice 
which  underrates  conduct  in  the  scale,  or 
demands  what  he  cannot  give. 

There  are  minds  feminine  and  masculine  to 
which  "original  problems"  are  impossibilities, 
whose  grasp  of  facts  is  wonderfully  strong, 
and  in  which  deduction  of  rational  truths  is 
remarkable.  To  be  a  "  gold-medal  "  or  a 
school  leader,  requires  a  general  all-round 
capability,  a  power  to  turn  from  physical 
science  to  numbers,  from  poetry  to  prose, 
and  to  combine  quickness  of  thought  with 
quickness  of  expression,  not  often  joined  in 
the  very  highest  type  of  mind. 

If  we  could  take  up  the  school  records  of 
our  greatest  men,  even  those  in  which  the 
achievement  is  wholly  intellectual,  it  would 
be  a  source  of  surprise  to  us  to  see  how  few 
of  them  had  been  foremost  in  their  classes. 
How  often  in  these  days  do  we  hear  a  class- 
mate say  :  "  So-and-So  is  our  best  man, 
but  he  does  not  go  in  for  honors."  He  has 
found   his    bent,    his  "specialty,"   and   given 

125 


Home  Thoughts 


himself  to  sowing  what  he  may  reap  years 
hence. 

Many  a  discouraged  mother  and  many  a 
weary  puzzled  child  grow  sad  over  the  per- 
sistent mediocrity  in  school,  which  is  incon- 
sistent with  the  grave  thoughtfulness  of  home 
questions  and  the  aptitude  to  acquire  home 
instruction.  If  a  youngster  shows  a  reason- 
able alertness  in  getting  information  upon 
the  subjects  naturally  of  interest  to  him,  and 
evinces  that  immeasurably  great  gift,  common 
sense,  let  us  be  very  slow  to  lay  his  mind 
upon  any  scale  of  measurement  set  up  by  this 
or  that  school-master,  and  because  it  falls 
short  count  him  deficient. 

Facility  of  speech  or  with  the  pen  counts 
for  so  much  in  all  phases  of  school  compe- 
tition that  only  they  who  have  seen  and 
deeply  considered  its  influences  can  estimate 
them.  And  in  a  boy's  career  oratory  and  a 
talent  for  declamation  always  make  him  con- 
spicuous. The  graceful,  fluent  speaker  always 
finds  himself  prominent,  and  if  he  has  also 
quickness  of  perception  and  a  fair  verbal 
memory,  he  will  readily  pass  for  an  "  exceed- 

126 


What  Constitutes  a  Dull  Child 

ingly  brilliant  mind,"  that  stereotyped  phrase 
for  what  is  readily  in  evidence. 

Home  education  has  the  great  advantage 
of  developing  the  minds  of  children  far  more 
symmetrically  than  the  ordinary  school  dis- 
cipline, because  there  is  so  much  greater  op- 
portunity for  individual  observation  and  of 
strengthening  the  weak  places.  But,  in  the 
other  arm  of  the  scale  lies  the  serious  danger 
of  allowing  foibles  and  eccentricities  to  grow, 
unchecked  by  the  wholesome  friction  with  an 
indifferent  crowd  of  school-fellows,  and  there 
is  ever  present  the  demon  of  vanity  to  make 
the  clever  child  think  itself  a  genius  while  it 
has  no  one  to  struggle  against. 

There  is  something  very  touching  and 
thought-compelling  in  these  yearly  returning 
epochs,  when  doors  close  on  young  lives  and 
they  go  home  with  their  harvests.  And  I 
fear  me  that  many  will  be  underestimated 
who  have  done  good  if  not  showy  work,  be- 
cause they  carry  no  trophies  in  their  hands. 
Let  us  be  very  scrupulously  careful  how  we 
judge  of  results,  and  let  the  mother-heart  help 
the  mother's  ambition  to  sound  conclusions. 

127 


Home  Thoughts 


There  are    not  a  few  instances   where   ex- 
traordinary  verbal   memory   has   made  a    lad 
ready   for  college  long  before   his   legitimate 
time,   and   before   his   mind  could   grasp   the 
deeper  meaning  of  his  studies,  and  yet  in  the 
practical    use    of    his    faculties    he    has    been 
below    the     average     of    very    commonplace 
boys.     The  less  rapid  work  of  the  apparently 
duller  minds  is  for  all  the  nobler  uses  of  life 
worth   double  the    phenomenal   advancement 
of  the  abnormal  classmate.      It  is  a  great  help 
to  a  struggling  and  partially  discouraged  child 
to  understand  this,  and  not  to  be  allowed   to 
think  that  the  most  rapid  acquisition  is  always 
the  surest  and  best  means  of  advancing.     And 
let  us  be  especially  careful  to  nurse  every  little 
spark  of  pride  and  encourage  every  token  of 
effort. 

Do  not  let  the  home-coming  be  clouded  by 
rebuke  and  reproach,  which  endanger  some- 
thing far  more  precious  than  cultivation  of 
the  intellect.  Let  it  be  a  sure  thing  that 
home  is  dear,  and  the  first  meeting  with 
father  and  mother  a  joy  which  cannot  be 
dimmed.      If  a  child  offers  for  excuse  that  it 

128 


What  Constitutes  a  Dull  Child 

does  not  understand,  believe  it  implicitly,  and 
lay  at  least  half  the  weight  of  school  failures 
on  the  teacher's  shoulders ;  so  many  wonder- 
fully clever  men  and  women  cannot  teach. 
Imparting  knowledge  is  a  very  different 
matter  from  attaining  it,  and  thousands  of 
pupils  have  never  been  taught  how  to  study. 
Nor  is  every  well-intentioned  master  able  to 
arouse  purpose  or  ground  endeavor  upon 
principle. 

Sincerely  do  I  hope  that  Dux  will  not  carry 
off  all  the  honors  at  home  as  well  as  on  prize 
day,  and  that  modest  little  Tom,  who  has  so 
many  times  during  the  last  term  wiped  his 
eyes  over  his  Gallic  ware,  may  be  comforted 
by  an  acknowledgment  of  his  faithful  endeavor. 
Wait  long  enough  and  we  shall  hear  the 
trumpets  ring  out  for  him,  "  See  the  conquer- 
ing hero  comes,"  or  science  hold  its  breath 
over  the  discovery  he  has  made  by  patient 
plodding  in  his  laboratory. 


129 


Home  Thoughts 


XIV 
CHILDREN    AS    OUR    JUDGES 

OUR  sophisticated  minds  can  hardly 
realize  the  unprejudiced,  "  at  first 
hand"  impressions  of  young  chil- 
dren, and  it  would  doubtless  be  a 
book  of  amazing  revelation  which  should  re- 
cord in  any  ordinary  family  the  thoughts  of 
these  children  about  their  parents. 

A  busy  young  matron,  full  of  affairs,  run- 
ning hurriedly  back  to  her  interrupted  work, 
encountered  her  five-year-old  girlie  at  the 
head  of  the  stairs.  The  brown  eyes  were 
very  serious  and  inquiring.  "  So  you  forgave 
Mrs.  Timmins,  mamma;  I  saw  you  kiss  her 
good-by." 

Astonished  at  the  child's  evidently  anxious 

mood    and    solemn    little    address,    she    said 

hastily  :     "  What  in  the  world  do   you  mean, 

Rosa  ?      I     have    nothing    to    forgive     Mrs. 

mimms. 

"  Oh  !    but  you  were   so   angry   when  she 

130 


Children  as  Our  Judges 


came,  and  I  heard  you  tell  auntie  that  she 
was  tiresome  and  very  annoying,  and  that 
you  had  no  time  for  her  long  visits,  and  I 
heard  you  speak  so  nicely  when  she  went 
away  and  tell  her  to  come  in  whenever  she 
could,  and  then  when  you  kissed  her  I  knew 
you  were  not  angry  any  more." 

Kisses  in  nursery-land  meant  repentance 
accepted  and  the  seal  of  full  forgiveness, 
and  Rosy's  heart,  troubled  for  her  irritated 
mother,  felt  that  now  she  had  come  out  into 
the  "clear  shining"  of  peace,  and  that  her 
visitor  was  assoiled  of  all  her  sins.  Over 
the  nursery  mantelpiece  was  an  illumination  : 
"Truth  before  all  things." 

Mamma's  cheeks  glowed  with  an  unusual 
flush  as  she  reseated  herself  at  her  desk,  and 
she  said  to  her  sister :  "  Children  do  think 
the  most  extraordinary  things." 

The  whole  category  of  our  small  or  great 
inconsistencies  passes  before  this  unimpanelled 
jury.  They  listen  with  eagerness  to  what- 
ever reveals  to  them  the  realities  of  life ; 
they  are  intensely  interested  in  what  makes 
known  to  them  the    aims    and    purposes  of 

13' 


Home  Thoughts 


their  parents.  They  weigh  the  meaning  of 
words  and  turn  them  over  and  over  in  their 
strangely  acquisitive  minds,  trying  to  gather 
what  the  true  import  is. 

The  most  loving  and  careful  tuition  as  to 
what  is  true  or  cliaritable  or  honest,  is  as 
nothing  before  the  influence  of  our  petty 
treacheries  to  our  social  affiliations  and  our 
joy  over  a  keen  bargain.  The  triumph  of 
the  man  who  rehearses  to  his  wife  how  he 
"  got  the  best "  of  his  fellow-struggler  in  the 
transactions  of  the  day,  sets  a  fair-minded 
boy  wondering  in  a  very  curious  fashion  as  to 
what  that  sort  of  success  means,  and  if  he 
loves  his  father,  he  assures  himself  that  it 
must  be  right  and  a  fine  thing  to  take  advan- 
tage when  the  opportunity  arises.  No  need  to 
warn  Tom  Jones  that  the  arrow  he  has  chosen 
is  not  straight  nor  to  tell  him  of  the  danger  of 
a  stumble  on  the  track  :  "He  ought  to  use 
his  eyes  and  look  out  for  himself" 

Not  seldom  do  we  lose  that  love  which  is 
the  innermost  craving  of  our  lives,  that  half- 
adoring  love  which  some  few  mothers  win 
from  their  children,  because  they  have  uncon- 

132 


Children  as  Our  Judges 


sciously  tested  our  largeness  of  heart  and  sin- 
cerity of  word  and  deed  toward  others,  and 
found  us  wanting.  The  life  of  the  world,  the 
measureless  something  which  we  call  "  social 
obligation,"  so  tends  to  "  make-believes  "  of 
every  sort,  that  we  continually  offend  their 
unsophisticated  ideas  of  right  and  wrong,  and 
without  formulating  their  decisions,  they  no 
longer  look  to  us  as  fulfilling  their  ideas  of 
honor  and  truth. 

Especially  injurious  to  our  children's  re- 
spect for  us  is  the  detection  that  we  live 
beyond  our  means,  that  we  are  trying  to 
appear  to  have  what  we  have  not,  and  that 
to  do  this,  we  are  willing  to  buy  what  we 
cannot  pay  for.  The  boy  whose  eager  am- 
bition reaches  out  for  further  educational  ad- 
vantages which  he  is  told  that  his  father 
cannot  afford,  has  his  own  ideas  of  the  costly 
decoration  of  the  dinner-table  and  the  mag- 
nificent gowns  in  which  his  mother  sits  at  its 
head.  The  girl  who  knows  that  her  ball- 
dress  represents  a  merchant  and  a  dressmaker 
unpaid  is  not  satisfied  by  the  notice  its  pre- 
eminent beauty  won  from  the  reporters  in  the 

^33 


Home  Thoughts 


public  press,  nor  is  her  mother  as  dear  to  her 
as  if  she  had  denied  her  the  luxury  she  could 
not  afford. 

If  we  can  win  the  belief  of  our  children  in 
the  practical  reality  of  our  principles,  that 
the  laws  we  make  for  them  are  obeyed  by 
us  because  we  believe  they  are  right,  we  have 
done  more  to  win  a  lasting  affection  than  if 
we  indulged  their  wildest  whims  at  the  cost 
of  their  respect. 

I  doubt  if  anything  lowers  a  mother  more 
effectually  and  permanently  in  her  daughter's 
eyes  than  the  pursuit  of  so-called  "  social 
recognition "  by  aping  and  rivalling  those 
richer  and  more  prominently  before  the  pub- 
lic. The  dance  may  have  been  delightful, 
the  scene  a  dream  of  loveliness,  but  deep 
down  in  the  heart  of  the  girl,  who  knows  that 
her  admission  has  been  toiled  for  and  angled 
for  through  weary  days  of  joyless  visiting  and 
the  bestowal  of  unsought  attentions,  there  is 
something  left  which  makes  it  all  a  very  dear 
purchase  at  such  exceeding  cost. 

Manoeuvring  of  all  sorts  is  instinctively 
abhorrent    to  normal,   right-minded  children, 

134 


Children  as  Our  Judges 


and  they  are  very  shrewd  in  their  discernment 
of  it.  They  find  it  more  trying  to  have  been 
cajoled  than  to  have  been  obliged  to  do  a 
thing  because  it  is  right.  And  insincere 
speech  is  a  very  thin  disguise  to  their  clear- 
eyed  perception,  whether  addressed  to  them- 
selves or  to  others. 

Many  a  young  girl  of  twelve  or  fourteen, 
called  to  the  drawing-room  to  see  some  inter- 
ested visitor,  has  returned  to  the  school-room 
with  very  confused  thoughts  as  to  what  her 
mother  meant  by  saying  all  those  delightful 
things  to  the  ladies  she  had  just  met,  when 
she  had  so  often  heard  her  say  that  she  dis- 
liked or  disapproved  of  them.  The  sense  of 
weariness  often  precedes  emancipation  and 
"coming  out"  into  the  place  and  privileges 
of  the  world ;  already  it  seems  too  great  a 
toil  to  be  so  unreal  and  so  untrue  to  her  con- 
victions as  her  mother  has  to  be. 

Unloving  hospitality  is  also  a  source  of 
wonder  to  children.  What  is  it  all  for,  this 
beautiful  and  laboriously  prepared  entertain- 
ment of  folk  who  are  neither  friends  of  the 
heart  nor  closely  bound  in  any  way  ?     "  We 

135 


Home  Thoughts 


really  must  ask  those  people  to  dinner"  has 
a  strange  meaning  which  they  cannot  puzzle 
out.  The  discussion  of  the  weakness,  the 
folly,  and  the  bad  form  of  the  guests  so 
honored,  after  all  has  been  done  that  money 
and  skill  can  devise  to  gratify  their  eyes  and 
their  palates,  does  not  make  it  easier  for  an 
honest  boy  and  girl  to  understand  and  trust 
their  parents  implicitly. 

Our  children  ought  to  act  upon  us  as 
extraordinary  promoters  of  nobility  of  char- 
acter :  to  be,  as  it  were,  detected  by  them  in 
doubtful  purposes  and  unworthy  efforts  for 
unworthy  ambitions  is  a  terrible  loss  and 
humiliation.  To  have  them  dependent  upon 
us  for  amusements  and  enjoyments  and  in- 
dulgences may  give  us  a  certain  ephemeral 
hold  upon  them  ;  but  they  should  be  to  us  as 
an  infallible  test  of  the  purity  of  our  inten- 
tions and  the  spotlessness  of  our  endeavors. 
What  would  they  feel  toward  us  if  they 
realized  that  we  were  screwing  and  pinching 
and  turning  and  twisting  to  seem  to  spend 
|20,ooo  a  year  when  we  have  but  ten? 
What  would  they  say  in  their  hearts  if  they 

136 


Children  as  Our  Judges 


knew  that  we  were  toihng  day  and  night  to 
appear  intimate  with  this  or  that  milHonaire 
simply  because  of  his  millions  and  the  power  it 
gives  him  to  be  lavish  in  his  entertainments  ? 

"  Behold,  we  count  them  happy  who  en- 
dure," said  one  who  knew  the  joy  of  self-con- 
quest ;  and  children  brought  up  in  homes 
where  they  are  sharers  in  self-denial  because 
it  is  right  not  to  have  all  they  want,  get  ten 
times  more  pleasure  out  of  life  than  if  they 
were  shut  out  of  their  father's  struggles  and 
left  to  wonder  at  the  strange  incongruity 
between  their  indulgence  and  the  importunate 
calls  for  payment  at  the  door. 

Family  life  ought  to  be  one  of  open  con- 
fidence between  parents  and  children  on 
points  affecting  the  family  income  and  the 
general  good,  and  to  let  the  youngsters 
stumble  on  the  fact  that  they  have  no  right 
to  what  they  enjoy,  is  not  only  to  wound 
their  own  self-respect,  but  to  lower  father 
and  mother  to  a  place  from  whence  they 
must  needs  pity  them. 

The  definition  of  all  the  vital  points  of 
noble  character  is  puzzled  out  by  boys  and 

137 


Home  Thoughts 


girls  through  the  living  exempHfication  found 
in  the  conduct  and  the  speech  of  the  elders 
of  the  family.  If  small  deceptions  mark  the 
mother's  daily  life,  they  become  to  them  the 
standard  of  the  easily  sliding  scale  which  shall 
weigh  how  much  truth  is  required  in  their 
daily  lives.  If  the  laying  bare  of  our  neigh- 
bor's shortcomings  and  sins  is  the  theme  for 
piquant  conversation  at  the  dinner-table  or 
around  the  evening  fire,  respect  dies  in  their 
hearts  for  some  one,  it  may  be  for  the 
wounded  neighbor,  it  may  be  for  ourselves. 

The  dress  and  bearing  of  mature  women 
greatly  affect  their  sons  and  daughters ;  she 
has  lost  what  the  world's  wealth  cannot  buy 
back  whose  son  has  found  an  artificial  color 
on  her  cheek,  or  regretted  that  his  mother's 
dress  was  more  costly  and  fashionable  than 
decorous.  The  daughter  who  has  detected 
in  her  mother's  manner  the  craving  for  com- 
pliment and  admiration  from  any  other  man 
than  her  father,  has  been  robbed  of  more  than 
a  principality,  and  can  never  be  as  tender  or 
trustful  of  her  sex  as  before. 

Childless  men  and  women  are  to  be  honored 

138 


Children  as  Our  Judges 


in  unusual  degree  who,  for  one  another  and 
themselves,  hold  to  the  highest  standards  of 
life  and  character.  The  limpid,  steadfast  gaze 
of  a  child's  pure  eyes  is  as  a  defence  against 
the  lower  temptations  of  our  natures ;  the 
confiding  caress  of  a  proud  son  is  as  an  armor 
against  the  folly  to  which  thoughtless  vanity 
so  often  tempts  a  careless  pretty  woman. 

Beside  the  coffin  of  a  mother  who  had  lived 
out  more  than  ninety  noble  years,  her  children 
stood  and  looked  at  her  unwithered,  calm  face, 
and  "  called  her  blessed."  "  She  never  thought 
an  evil  thought,  nor  spoke  an  untruth  in  her 
whole  life,"  said  one,  with  trembling  lips,  as  he 
bent  over  her.  Looking  at  the  still  dignity  of 
her  fine  presence,  commanding  even  in  death's 
rigidity,  her  descendants  took  account  of 
themselves,  questioning  if  they  were  living 
up  to  her  standard.  It  must  be  a  terrible 
experience  to  see  the  last  of  father  and  mother 
and  long  to  blot  out  the  record  of  their  influ- 
ence !  To  have  the  light  of  a  home  go  out 
with  clouds  of  regret  and  sad  remembrance, 
hindering  love,  is  one  of  the  most  tragic  of 
human  vicissitudes. 

139 


Home  Thoughts 


XV 

OUR    FRIEND    THE    FAMILY 
DOCTOR 

DOM  BEY'S  weakness  before  Susan 
Nipper  is  as  nothing  to  the  utter 
helplessness  of  us  all  before  the 
doctor.  A  wife  may  plead  with  an 
obstinate  husband,  a  mother  argue  with  an 
imprudent  daughter  or  a  reckless  son,  and 
find  that  her  efforts  have  no  more  result  than 
that  which  spray  may  have  upon  a  New  Eng- 
land rock  ;  but  let  the  medical  man  get  his 
hand  upon  the  pulse  or  his  trained  ear  over 
the  lungs,  and  the  whole  face  of  things  is 
changed.  No  more  late  hours,  no  more 
dancing  in  thin  gowns,  no  more  nightly  re- 
velling. It  is  a  study  worth  pursuing,  this 
yielding  of  the  strong,  this  sobering  of  the 
frivolous,  this  checking  of  life's  waste,  at  the 
bidding  of  a  man  whose  only  authority  lies  in 
respect  for  his  profound  knowledge  and  con- 
fidence in  his  truthful  speech.     If  ever  one 

140 


Our  Friend  the  Family  Doctor 

needed  a  demonstration  that  knowledge  was 
power,  here  it  is. 

"  The  Son  of  Sirach  "  seems  to  have  had 
many  thoughts  upon  the  subject  of  physi- 
cians, as  he  put  his  shrewd  Hebraic  lessons 
into  shape.  "  Honor  the  physician  with  the 
honor  due  unto  him,"  he  says  emphatically, 
but  he  adds  with  grim  suggestion  that  he  had 
at  times  suffered  many  things  at  the  hands 
of  the  medical  men  of  his  time  :  "  He  that 
sinneth  against  his  Maker,  let  him  fall  into 
the  hand  of  the  physicians."  There  is  an 
inexpressible  force  in  these  last  words  which 
leave  many  possibilities  amusingly  open  to 
imagination,  and  I  fear  me  that  there  are 
American  nineteenth-century  affirmations  of 
the  preacher's  idea  of  condign  punishment 
easily  to  be  obtained. 

Eagerness  of  research  and  thirst  for  prov- 
ings  have  altered  somewhat  the  course  of 
medical  thought.  It  has  become  possible 
for  the  man  best  furnished  to  be  least  able 
to  take  the  duties  of  a  "family  physician." 
How  and  why,  rule  too  rigidly  his  con- 
tact with  disease ;    investigation  becomes  the 

141 


Home  Thoughts 


almost  absorbing  influence  of  his  Hfe.  Men 
become  specimens  in  his  eyes,  and  he  is  less 
eager  to  prolong  the  beating  of  a  laboring 
heart  than  to  know  why  it  threatens  to  stop 
its  work.  Experiment,  which  teaches,  is  too 
dear  to  the  discoverer,  the  opportunity  of  re- 
search too  precious  in  his  eyes,  to  leave  room 
for  ministry  to  the  agony  of  hearts  whose 
only  disease  is  grief.  But  my  bent  to-day  is 
far  from  critical ;  my  mind  turns  with  delight 
rather  to  the  expression  of  the  gratitude  we 
owe  to  the  men  whose  coming  is  the  harbin- 
ger of  comfort  if  it  cannot  be  of  cure,  and  of 
whom  we  may  say  without  irreverence  that 
"  their  compassions  fail  not." 

The  "  Hippocratic  oath  "  covers  as  with  a 
shield  the  laying  bare  of  the  secret  family 
histories  which  the  family  physician  knows 
as  no  one  else  but  God  can  know.  This 
solemn  promise  of  secrecy  is  unnecessary  to 
the  man  most  fitted  for  the  confidence  re- 
posed in  him,  but  it  binds  those  of  lower 
character  by  a  stern  repression.  Not  infre- 
quently the  doctor  knows  what  the  husband's 
love  is  guarding  from  his  wife's  anxious  eyes, 

142 


Our  Friend  the  Family  Doctor 

sparing  her  while  he  may ;  and  perhaps  at 
the  same  time  holds  her  secret  too.  No 
*'  skeleton  "  can  be  closed  in  a  locked  closet 
from  his  eyes.  If  the  mother's  strength  fails 
and  her  cheek  grows  pale  without  any  token 
of  disease,  he  has  to  know  that  wakeful,  tear- 
ful nights  over  a  child's  misdoings  are  sap- 
ping her  vitality.  If  a  business  man's  strength 
fails  and  his  hand  trembles,  he  has  to  find  out 
that  it  is  a  closed  mill  or  a  false  debtor  that 
is  shaking  his  nerve  power.  If  a  youth  is 
brought  to  him  for  cure,  he  must  learn 
whether  he  is  poisoning  himself  with  alco- 
hol, or  draining  his  strength  by  dissipation. 
Nothing  can  be  hidden.  Men  and  women 
come  and  go,  and  the  fair  surface  of  exterior 
life  is  as  beautiful  and  sparkling  in  the  world's 
eyes  as  if  nothing  was  wrong  beneath  ;  but 
if  the  doctor  should  chance  to  have  time  to 
mingle  with  the  other  guests,  he  wonders 
at  the  Spartan  courage  which  upholds  the 
harassed  man  and  half-despairing  woman  on 
whose  shoulders  the  order  of  the  home 
depends. 

Other  friends   and  other   professional   aids 

143 


Home  Thoughts 


have  their  special  duties  ;  the  doctor  is  in 
everything  that  stirs  the  family  life.  He  is 
the  first  to  welcome  the  newborn,  the  last  to 
leave  the  dying.  The  pale  young  mother, 
glad  with  the  first  cry  of  her  firstborn,  gives 
him  her  wan  smile,  and  the  widow  watches 
him  lay  his  kind  hand  over  the  eyes  that  can 
no  longer  see.  I  marvel  sometimes  how  men 
can  live  on,  going  their  way  day  by  day  and 
year  by  year,  from  house  to  house,  always  the 
centre  of  the  strongest  emotions  the  family 
life  is  capable  of;  how  they  can  endure  the 
strain  of  meting  out  life's    measure. 

We  count  it  heroic  to  nerve  ourselves  to 
"  break  "  (as  our  strange  phrase  is)  bad  news 
to  those  we  love,  though  we  do  it  for  love's 
sake;  but  these  brave  men  must  daily,  nay, 
in  some  cases  hourly,  quench  hope's  last  ray 
and  bid  men  set  "  their  houses  in  order." 
Nor  does  use  harden  those  best  endowed  for 
this  stern  duty.  I  have  seen  the  blood  leave 
a  great  doctor's  cheek  as  pale  as  that  of  his 
patient,  as  he  forced  himself  to  say  that  disease 
had  conquered  nature,  and  science  had  no 
remedy.      I  have  known  such  tidings  told  so 

144 


Our  Friend  the  Family  Doctor 

tenderly  that  the  first  instinct  of  the  fore- 
doomed man  was  to  grasp  the  doctor's  hand. 

Strange  burdens  are  laid  on  the  doctor's 
shoulders  ;  he  must  advise  where  one  is  to 
live,  what  school  will  best  suit  the  boys,  how 
much  exercise  the  girls  may  take,  how  much 
wine  the  father  must  drink,  where  the  family 
shall  travel.  When  you  come  to  analyze 
these  questions  they  have  a  professional  germ 
in  them,  but  if  they  are  honestly  thought  over 
and  seriously  answered,  a  great  deal  of  brain 
work  is  gotten  from  them  which  cannot  be 
put  into  the  bill. 

Nor  do  the  demands  stop  with  these  ques- 
tions which  do  remotely  bear  on  the  mutual 
relations  between  the  medical  adviser  and  the 
family.  Doctors  are  frequently  called  upon 
to  try  moral  suasion  on  troublesome  boys  and 
wayward  girls.  Many  times,  especially  if  the 
advice  comes  from  one  familiar  at  their  bed- 
sides from  infancy,  it  will  have  extraordinary 
influence  for  good,  and  succeed  where  the 
earnest  expostulation  of  a  clergyman  has  failed. 
There  is  a  certain  preliminary  acknowledg- 
ment, especially  in  a  young  man's  mind,  that 

lo  145 


Home  Thoughts 


"  the  doctor  knows  all  about  it,"  and  that  no 
disguise  or  prevarication  will  prevail. 

There  is  much  inveighing  against  doctors' 
bills  and  a  very  common  feeling  that  the 
grocer  and  butcher  must  be  paid,  but  that  the 
doctor  can  wait.  This  arises  unquestionably 
from  the  fact  that  we  are  already  burdened 
when  we  send  for  him,  and  that,  unlike  our 
other  needs,  we  cannot  control  how  much  or 
how  little  it  will  take  to  satisfy  them.  Die 
we  must  unless  the  doctor  can  aid  us,  and 
what  he  does  for  us  he  measures  himself 
With  people  living  on  small  salaries,  or  in 
any  way  under  the  restraint  of  narrow  means, 
days  of  illness  mean  always  added  expense  of 
every  sort,  and  if  it  be  the  head  of  the  house 
who  is  ill,  loss  of  income  also,  and  in  this 
way  the  doctor's  bill  becomes  part  of  the 
general  infliction. 

That  a  thousand-dollar  fee  seems  an  im- 
mense sum  to  pay  for  an  operation  which 
takes  only  an  hour  of  a  man's  time  is  surely 
true,  and  there  is  a  very  bitter  feeling  natural 
to  those  who  crave  the  utmost  skill  for  their 
dear  ones  that  such  a  demand  puts  the  relief 

146 


Our  Friend  the  Family  Doctor 

out  of  their  reach.  Yet,  who  shall  weigh  the 
strength  which  goes  out  of  a  man,  the  loss  of 
nerve-power  and  vitality  in  that  hour  for 
which  he  demands  so  much  ?  Who  shall 
measure  what  he  has  done  and  endured  to 
achieve  his  skill  ?  Who  shall  analyze  what 
he  has  to  bear  when  under  the  knife  a  patient 
dies?  In  the  making  and  the  working  of  a 
great  surgeon  there  are  experiences  which 
they  only  know,  which  no  money  can  repay. 

Those  who  grumble  most  over  the  dues 
demanded  by  doctors  are  least  aware  what  noble 
liberality  is  shown  by  the  profession  in  the  gift 
of  their  highest  skill  and  of  priceless  time  in 
which  they  might  refresh  themselves,  entirely 
"  without  money  and  without  price."  And 
this,  outside  the  walls  of  hospitals,  merely  in 
response  to  appeals  in  behalf  of  those  who 
were  not  able  to  come  to  them  as  paying 
patients. 

I  have  seen  a  great  specialist  gently  tear  a 
check  in  two  and  lay  it  on  a  convenient  table 
after  he  had  made  a  visit  which  involved  a 
journey  and  the  loss  of  half  his  day,  because 
he  knew  the  money  would  be  a  comfort  to 

147 


Home  Thoughts 


his  patient.  And  I  have  known  the  same 
man  to  treat  case  after  case  with  his  utmost 
skill  and  care,  without  a  thought  of  payment ; 
and,  if  his  purse  now  overflows,  he  could  have 
doubled  his  fortune  had  he  always  had  paying 
patients. 

That  there  are  many  grasping,  selfish,  and 
even  unjust  physicians  goes  without  saying ; 
they  are  of  our  common  humanity,  and  no 
profession,  business,  or  trade  is  without  men 
with  these  characteristics ;  but  that,  as  a  body, 
they  labor  more  for  the  relief  of  the  suffering 
of  the  world  without  adequate  reward  than 
any  other  class  of  educated  men,  I  sincerely 
believe  cannot  be  questioned. 

Their  opportunity  is  unique,  but  their 
influence  and  assistance  in  the  history  of  our 
households  is  a  great  testimony  to  the  sym- 
pathy and  patience  and  large-hearted  compre- 
hension of  man  with  and  for  his  fellow-man  in 
this  urgent,  crowded,  self-seeking  age  of  ours. 
Human  brotherhood  which  has  no  name  or 
guild  is  vitally  alive  among  our  doctors. 
Sleepless  nights  and  anxious  days,  hours  of 
tense   apprehension,   the    exertion    of  almost 

148 


Our  Friend  the  Family  Doctor 

superhuman  ingenuity  to  relieve  pain,  mark 
the  going  to  and  fro  of  many  a  quick-moving 
"  buggy"  in  our  busy  streets ;  and  if  one  in  a 
thousand  is  so  fortunate  as  to  acquire  wealth 
as  the  result  of  his  practice,  let  us  rejoice  for 
him. 

But  recently  has  Mr.  Watson,  in  the  "  Bon- 
nie Brier  Bush,"  given  us  a  picture  of  the 
noblest  type  of  a  physician  ;  he  who  with  a 
likeness  to  the  divine  "  Good  Shepherd " 
looked  upon  the  humble  cottages^'  scattered 
over  the  bleak  Scotch  hills  as  under  his  watch 
and  ward,  and  carried  the  joys  and  sorrows 
of  their  occupants  in  his  great  heart  as  part 
of  his  own  experiences  of  life.  One  reason 
why  his  story  has  taken  such  hold  on  our 
affections  is  the  knowledge  we  have  personally 
of  things  similar.  Few  ties  are  more  close, 
few  affections  more  enduring,  than  those  which 
attach  us  to  him  whom  we  summon  in  our 
time  of  greatest  need  ;  few  so  strong  to  help 
as  a  great  physician  who  is  also  a  good   man. 


X49 


Home  Thoughts 


XVI 

THE  SNARE  OF  USELESS 
REGRET 

'HEN  you  have  done  the  best 
your  circumstance  allows,  and 
acted  according  to  what  you 
thought  was  your  duty,  you 
have  nothing  to  do  with  unfortunate  results." 
This  was  the  fixed  and  cheerful  opinion  of 
a  wise  woman  who  had  a  full  share  of  disap- 
pointment to  contend  against  in  her  vigorous 
and  often  troubled  life.  It  had  a  most  en- 
couraging effect  upon  her  husband  and  her 
household,  and  totally  banished  from  the 
family  life  those  spirit-killing  hours  of  de- 
pressing retrospection,  in  which  men  and 
women  sit  with  folded  hands  and  wish  they 
had  left  something  undone,  or  regret  that 
they   have  not  done  what  was  omitted. 

Her  cheerful  voice  always  met  her  hus- 
band's protestations  of  regret  for  his  steps 
taken  too  hastily,  or  under  obstinately  main- 

150 


The  Snare  of  Useless  Regret 

tained  delusions,  with  the  tone  of  encourage- 
ment of  an  advancing  general.  "  It  is  done 
now,  dear,  let  us  set  to  work  to  make  the 
best  of  it  and  see  if  we  can  find  our  way  out." 
Her  pleasant  eyes  always  saw  some  hilltop  in 
the  distance  on  which  the  sunshine  lingered, 
and  she  pressed  forward  with  a  strong  heart. 

We  are  all  too  prone  to  make  sure  that 
our  own  or  our  neighbors'  mistakes  have 
caused  our  ills,  when  very  often  there  is  little 
real  relation  between  cause  and  effect,  and 
the  evil  would  have  cropped  up  as  surely  in 
another  atmosphere  as  in  the  one  we  have 
made  by  choice.  This  is  especially  so  in  re- 
gard to  our  children.  Their  shortcomings  or 
evil  tendencies  we  lay  to  the  school  we  chose 
for  them,  the  companionships  we  allowed ; 
the  habit  we  had  not  noticed  has  become 
fixed ;  the  blunted  sense  of  higher  moraHty 
is  dulled,  and  we  had  not  realized  that  ex- 
aggeration had  increased  to  untruth,  and  the 
endeavor  to  compass  an  end  had  fostered 
deception. 

We  often  encounter  a  sad-eyed  mother 
who,  while    seeking  advice    for   some    disap- 

151 


Home  Thoughts 


pointing  son,  will  tell,  with  deep  distress,  that 
it  was  because  he  had  learned  evil  in  places 
where  she  had  chosen  to  put  him,  and  self- 
accusation  and  a  quenchless  regret  make  her 
voice  pitifully  tremulous.  Yet  had  the  same 
child  remained  at  hfer  knee  through  all  his 
developing  years,  and  never  felt  the  friction 
of  schoolboy  influence,  nine  chances  out  of 
ten  he  would  have  turned  out  exactly  the 
same  untruthful  lad,  or  been  precisely  as  dead 
to  the  obligations  of  moneyed  responsibility. 

The  greatest  care  and  study  of  the  "  best 
possible  "  often  lands  a  family  in  a  home  un- 
suited  to  its  needs ;  the  world  outside  its 
walls  is  not  one  that  encourages  mental  or 
physical  health  and  growth,  the  interior 
arrangements  prove  inadequate  and  beget 
expense.  "  If  we  had  only  stayed  where  we 
were;  if  we  could  only  recall  this  false  step  !  " 
Alas  !  false  steps  of  this  sort  are  not  easily 
retraced,  and  it  is  the  waste  of  every  vital 
force  to  roll  the  error  and  its  results  per- 
petually in  the  dust  of  our  disappointed  way 
until  it  becomes  to  us  a  sort  of  monster  of 
iniquity.      In    one   variation    or  another,   the 

152 


The  Snare  of  Useless  Regret 

unconquerable  often  meets  the  housewife,  and 
there  is  nothing  to  be  done  but  to  make  our 
plans  of  life  fit  the  groove  in  which  they  must 
run  and  take  unto  ourselves  a  new  way  to 
live.  To  look  out  of  the  windows  of  our 
discontent  for  that  which  can  never  come,  is 
to  deprive  life  of  its  last  chance  of  happy 
development. 

But  there  is  a  deeper,  sterner  phase  of 
regret  which  comes  to  many  a  woman's  and 
to  many  a  man's  heart,  the  indulgence  in 
which  is  death  to  endeavor  and  a  slow  and 
sure  destruction  of  usefulness  and  character. 
The  gay  girl  who  plighted  her  troth  much 
after  the  fashion  in  which  she  accepted  a  part- 
ner for  a  dance ;  the  deeper-hearted  woman 
who  finds  she  has  loved  what  her  own  fancy 
created,  and  has  married  a  selfish  and  un- 
worthy man ;  the  man  who  has  mistaken  a 
fair  white  robe  for  a  pure  heart,  and  a  gracious 
manner  for  a  noble  nature,  —  these  and  their 
congeners  stand  face  to  face  with  terrible 
catastrophes,  which  threaten  their  own  lives, 
the  well-being  of  society,  and  the  mainte- 
nance of  home. 

153 


Home  Thoughts 


Here  regret  rises  to  the  force  of  despair 
and  threatens  not  only  to  kill  cheerfulness 
of  spirit  and  blind  our  judgment  of  our 
daily  affairs,  as  do  our  minor  missteps,  but 
holds  In  Its  snare,  engines  of  destruction  pow- 
erful to  wreck  principle  and  destroy  hope. 
Would  that  such  unfortunately  mated  lives 
could  take  refuge  in  the  energy  of  effort  to 
master  the  result  of  their  mistakes  and  re- 
solve to  endure  all  things,  strive  without  rest, 
work  without  ceasing,  in  determined  resolve 
to  go  forward  and  not  back,  and  find  that 
gleam  of  good  and  light  which  every  human 
situation  holds  hidden  in  some  unsuspected 
possibility.  To  "  act  in  the  living  present, 
heart  within  and  God  o'erhead,"  is  worth 
more  to  the  most  desperate  position  In  life 
than  all  the  deepest  meditation  of  nerveless  re- 
gret can  bring  to  bear  in  a  lifetime  of  gloomy 
passivity.  Nothing  can  persuade  me  that 
effort  of  this  sort  Is   ever  wholly   lost. 

That  we  failed  to  discover  this  symptom  of 
coming  disease ;  that  we  made  no  quicker 
effort  to  seek  advice ;  that,  being  absorbed  by 
the  whirl  and  stress  of  life,  we  did  not  mark 

154 


The  Snare  of  Useless  Regret 

the  growth  of  a  bad  habit  in  our  children,  — 
all  these  are  coils  in  that  fell  snare  which 
threatens  to  entrap  us  and  create  a  morbid 
self-centred  condition  of  mind,  which  leaves 
us  a  prey  to  one  of  the  worst  forms  of  misery. 
If  we  have  done  wrong,  if  we  have  been  neg- 
ligent, if  we  have  failed  to  judge  truly  of  the 
relative  importance  of  what  have  seemed  to  us 
paramount  duties,  we  have  erred  and  we  can- 
not restore  things  to  their  first  estate.  Only 
one  worthy  thing  remains  for  us  to  do ;  to 
be  and  give  our  best  to  alleviate,  and  help, 
and  cure,  and  gladden  all  who  are  affected  by 
our  misapprehension.  All  the  tears  our  eyes 
can  shed  will  do  no  good,  all  the  self-accusa- 
tions we  can  pile  up  will  heal  no  wounds,  all 
the  dark  counsels  we  can  take  with  our  sore 
hearts  will  relieve  no  pain.  We  have  to  treat 
ourselves  as  God  treats  the  world ;  the  sun 
arises  on  the  darkest  night,  and  its  beneficent 
warmth  and  light  are  not  diminished  by  the 
clouds  which  brooded  over  the  earth  at 
midnight. 

To  many,  nay  to  most  women,  comes  too 
often  the  realization   that  they  have  wilfully 

155 


Home  Thoughts 


done  their  dearest  ones  harm.  They  have 
followed  their  own  judgments  against  advice, 
they  have  been  bad  stewards  of  their  husbands' 
earnings,  they  have  maintained  a  standard  of 
living  beyond  their  means,  they  have  de- 
manded for  their  daughters  dresses  and  in- 
dulgences not  rightly  theirs,  they  have  added 
to  the  restricted  allowances  of  their  sons  the 
injudicious  gifts  which  make  dissipation  pos- 
sible. Here  comes  an  array  of  forces  to 
overshadow  home  life  and  bring  the  over- 
ruling spirit  of  the  wife  and  mother  into 
stupefying  inactivity  and  pain. 

All  the  gloomy  hours  of  the  day  and  night 
can  never  remedy  the  wrong.  The  trouble 
is  real  enough,  God  knows  !  We  do  not  have 
to  turn  it  inside  out  in  the  sunshine  or  spend 
the  nights  in  reading  our  own  indictments,  to 
convince  ourselves  that  we  are  in  the  wrong. 
Time  so  spent  does  little  more  than  weaken 
nerves  and  bewilder  judgment,  and  make  us  a 
shadow  projected  upon  an  already  cloudy  sky. 
The  wounded  can  never  be  without  a  scar, 
but  we  can  live  to  fight  many  a  strong  battle 
and  wear  the  laurel  of  many  a  happy  victory, 

'56 


The  Snare  of  Useless  Regret 

and  the  war  cry  has  to  be  "  forward  and  not 
back,  up  and  not  down,"  if  we  are  to  be  worth 
anything  in  the  world. 

"  I  see  it  all  now !  "  Those  terribly  de- 
pressing words,  which  so  often  end  the  story 
of  a  life's  trouble,  are  so  frequently  spoken 
in  a  tone  of  hopeless  dejection,  which  includes 
and  fosters  a  sinking  into  the  lifelessness  of 
effortless  regret.  The  mariner,  who,  chartless, 
finds  for  himself  the  cruel  reef  on  which  his 
ship  has  struck,  sails  no  more  above  that  spot. 
It  would  indeed  be  a  madman  who  dropped 
anchor  near  his  danger  and  gave  himself  up 
to  observation  of  what  had  caused  him  to  be 
so  nearly  shipwrecked.  Let  us,  like  ships 
warned  of  the  perils  of  the  sea,  press  on  with 
every  strenuous  power  we  have,  to  safer  and 
happier  harbors,  to  which  we  may  carry  the 
treasure  of  our  life's  endeavor. 


157 


Home  Thoughts 


XVII 

WIVES    AS    PARTNERS:    KEEP- 
ING   ACCOUNTS 

"  Dear,  it  is  twilight  time,  the  time  of  rest. 

Ah  !  cease  that  weary  pacing  to  and  fro  ; 
Sit  down  beside  me  in  this  cushioned  nest. 

Warm  with  the  brightness  of  our  ingle-glow. 
Dear,  thou  art  troubled.      Let  me  share  thy  lot 

Of  shadow,  as  I  shared  thy  sunshine  hours. 
I  am  no  child,  though  childhood,  half  forgot. 

Lies  close  behind  me,  with  its  toys  and  flowers  ; 
1 1  am  a  woman,  waked  by  happy  love        | 
I       To  keep  home's  sacred  altar-fire  alight. | 
Thou  hast  elected  me  to  stand  above 

All  others  in  thine  heart.      I  claim  my  right. 
Not  wife  alone,  but  mate,  and  comrade  true  ; 

I  shared  thy  roses,  let  me  share  thy  rue. 

"  Bitter  ?      I  know  it.      God  hath  made  it  so, 

But  from  His  hand  shall  we  take  good  alone. 
And  evil  never  ?      Let  the  world's  wealth  go. 

Life  hath  no  loss  that  love  cannot  atone. 
Show  me  the  new  hard  path  that  we  must  tread, 

I  shall  not  faint,  nor  falter  by  the  way  ; 
And  be  there  cloud  or  sunshine  overhead, 

I  shall  not  fail  thee  to  my  dying  day. 

158  ' 


Wives  as  Partners 


But  love  me,  love  me,  let  our  hearts  and  lips 

Cling  closer  in  our  sorrow  than  in  joy  ; 
Let  faith  outshine  our  fortunes  in  eclipse. 

And  love  deem  wealth  a  lost  and  broken  toy. 
Joy  made  us  glad,  let  sorrow  find  us  true  ; 

God  blessed  our  roses.  He  will  bless  our  rue." 

THESE  verses,  cut  from  a  number  of 
"All  the  Year  Round,"  when  Charles 
Dickens  edited  that  magazine,  came 
vividly  to  my  mind  while  trying  to 
encourage  a  suddenly  impoverished  woman. 
Alas  !  the  easy,  indulged  lives  of  American 
women  are  not  helpful  to  building  up  charac- 
ters fit  to  meet  sudden  reverses  ;  with  the  best 
intentions  they  may  be  wholly  incapable  of 
immediately  changing  their  long-established 
methods,  and  often  they  have  very  scant  con- 
ception of  what  they  spend  or  what  it  costs  to 
live. 

The  almost  universal  and  misleading  habit 
of  having  things  "  charged  "  permits  one  to 
spend  a  hundred  dollars  in  a  day  without  the 
least  realization  of  what  we  have  done.  We 
know  that  we  have  purchased  very  simple  and 
inexpensive    things ;  the    cashmere  was  only 

•59 


Home  Thoughts 


eighty  cents  a  yard,  the  silk  only  a  dollar  and 
a  quarter  ;  the  napkins  were  only  six  dollars  a 
dozen,  and  the  vase  which  tempted  us  at  the 
china  shop  was  only  five,  "  the  cheapest  thing 
anybody  ever  saw  !  "  Not  one  woman  in  ten 
adds  up  the  sum  total  as  she  leaves  a  shop  or 
multiplies  the  price  of  her  cheap  silk  by  the 
number  of  yards.  She  has  just  done  "  a  little 
very  needful  shopping,"  and  is  utterly  aston- 
ished to  hear  her  husband  say:  "Your  bill  at 
Taffeta's  is  very  large  this  month." 

Bills  in  very  many  instances  are  sent  directly 
to  the  husband's  office,  and  multitudes  of 
women,  wives  of  only  moderately  rich  men, 
are  wholly  unaware  of  what  they  really  spend 
on  themselves  and  their  children. 

It  seems,  on  the  face  of  it,  quite  an  im- 
possible thing  that  a  conscientious  woman, 
meaning  to  be  a  just  steward  of  her  hus- 
band's money,  and  above  all  things  desirous 
not  to  burden  him,  should  live  in  this 
dreamland  concerning  what  she  spends ;  yet 
I  am  sure  that  there  are  very  many  women 
who  would  indorse  the  truth  of  this  broad 
statement. 

1 60 


Wives  as  Partners 


Of  course  the  doctrine  of  partnership  which 
I  so  earnestly  uphold,  in  contravention  to  the 
general  custom  of  indulgent  supply  without 
laying  the  responsibility  of  copartnership  on 
the  wife,  precludes  this  one-sided  arrangement 
for  providing  for  personal  needs  and  house- 
hold necessities.  To  be  an  unenlightened 
consumer  tempts  the  feminine  nature,  almost 
universally  acquisitive  of  things  beautiful,  to 
possess  all  she  legitimately  can  which  shall 
either  adorn  herself  or  her  home.  "  Goods 
sent  to  No.  lo  North  Roland  Street,  bill  to 
No.  44  Traffic  Square,"  rolls  off  the  tongue 
with  astonishing  ease  and  volubility,  and  a 
large  debt  accumulates  with  a  rapidity  as 
amazing  as  the  growth  of  a  mushroom. 

Even  an  allowance  hardly  stops  the  evil,  so 
often  does  the  appearance  of  the  monthly  bill 
exceed  expectations,  and  the  wife,  have  with 
humiliation  to  ask  for  a  supplementary 
check. 

If  we  could  but  believe,  really  believe  (not 

theorize,  as  we  are  apt  to  do  about  all  that  is 

super-material),  that  the  delightful  aspect  of 

things  and  the  beauty  of  our  attire  are  not 

II  i6i 


Home  Thoughts 


essentials  to  happiness  when  men  and  women 
truly  love  each  other,  both  husband  and  wife 
would  lift  great  burdens  from  their  bent 
shoulders  and  aching  hearts.  Could  we  sin- 
cerely have  faith  in  the  trite  proverb  which 
tells  us  that  a  "  dinner  of  herbs  with  content- 
ment "  can  be  made  a  very  good  dinner  indeed, 
we  would  breathe  more  freely.  If  we  could, 
when  reverses  and  sore  straits  of  poverty  attack 
us,  see  with  clear  vision  what  it  means  to  a 
man  to  know  that  his  dinner  is  paid  for,  and 
that  he  can  afford  it,  the  trial  of  a  narrow 
purse  would  fade  into  insignificance. 

A  few  large-hearted,  clear-eyed  men  and 
women  whom  I  know,  have  set  fine  examples 
of  this  way  of  attacking  an  enemy,  which 
after  its  manner  was  as  formidable  to  them 
as  was  Goliath  to  the  ruddy-faced  David,  and 
I  have  seen  it  demonstrated  that  happiness 
was  ready  to  enter  the  homes  so  guarded  by 
honesty  and  cheerfulness,  and  stood  eager  to 
abide  with  them. 

One  especial  instance  stands  out  in  my 
catalogue  of  those  who  have  conquered  fate 
by  good   cheer   and  good   sense,  and   I   trust 

162 


Wives  as  Partners 


my  heroine  and  hero  will  forgive  me  for 
making  use  of  them  to  bolster  my  theory 
and  transform  it  into  a  fact.  Out  of  a  home 
of  singular  plenty  and  comfort  they  stepped 
across  a  chasm  into  the  simplest  country 
shelter  and  the  narrowest  limit  of  expendi- 
ture possible  to  gentle-folk.  No  merrier  jests 
ever  gave  "  Attic  salt  "  to  a  barely  sufficing 
meal,  no  more  cheerful  looks  ever  brightened 
a  home  of  which  even  the  material  illumination 
was  a  dreaded  item.  The  reality  of  their 
deprivations  can  be  measured  by  the  first 
use  of  a  fortune  which  came  like  the  fabled 
rewards  of  a  fairy  godmother:  "  What  shall 
I  buy  first  ?  I  shall  have  a  bath-room  and 
plenty  of  hot  water."  Yet  mutual  encour- 
agement, a  sense  of  proud  independence,  and 
hearts  rejoicing  in  finding  how  much  joy 
there  is  in  life  outside  of  material  posses- 
sions made  them  strong,  and  they  o\'erflowed 
with  a  healthful  mental  vitality  which  ill 
health  and  accident  and  a  long,  strong  pull 
up-hill  could  not  harm. 

But  mere  acquiescence  to  the  deprivations 
which  misfortune  brings  does  not  insure  the 

163 


Home  Thoughts 


result  aimed  at.  If  the  home-made  gown  is 
worn  with  a  dejected  manner  and  occasional 
allusion  to  the  trial  of  having  an  ill-fitting 
garment,  the  husband  will  not  smile  and 
think  how  well  his  wife  looks  in  anything, 
but  the  zest  of  his  simple  meal  will  be  taken 
away  and  he  will  sadly  ponder  on  the  cruel 
fate  that  robs  him  of  the  opportunity  and 
privilege  to  adorn  her  beauty.  If  the  nega- 
tive side,  the  story  of  what  we  have  not,  is 
always  uppermost,  it  will  cast  a  shadow  which 
our  utmost  effort  cannot  banish. 

It  must  be  all  or  nothing  with  us  as  co- 
adjutors ;  we  must  mean  exactly  what  we 
say  when  we  declare,  "  If  you  are  left  to  me, 
I  don't  care  what  else  is  taken."  Could  any 
stimulus  warm  the  blood  in  a  man's  chilled 
heart  like  these  few  words  ?  But  to  utter 
them  and  then  betray  every  hour  of  the  day 
that  we  are  mourning  and  craving  for  things 
we  covet  and  cannot  have,  is  but  to  torture 
him. 

No  matter  how  large  or  small  a  woman's 
income  or  limit  of  expenditure  is,  she  should 
keep  accurate  accounts.     Not  after  the  method 

164 


Wives  as  Partners 


of  one  dear  woman,   whose  entries  ran  like 
these : 

One  pound  of  candy $00.80 

Two  pairs  shoe-strings .10 

Sundries 35-00 

I  quote  literally  from  a  page  in  a  carefully 
balanced  and  regularly  kept  daily  expense 
book.  "  Sundries "  really  meant  that  she 
could  not  account  for  thirty-five  dollars,  but 
she  took  pleasure  and  pride  in  her  "  correct 
balance."  For  years  this  book  and  its  suc- 
cessors tell  the  same  story  of  conscientious 
habit  and  endeavor,  and  absolutely  entire 
ignorance  of  what  she  really  did  with  her 
money.  It  seems  on  the  first  glance  a  mere 
matter  of  common  sense  and  propriety  to 
understand  clearly  how  much  we  spend  and 
what  we  obtain  for  it. 

If  trouble  comes,  it  is  then  all  plain  what 
we  can  or  cannot  afford  and  what  it  will  cost 
to  do  any  proposed  thing  in  the  household. 
Does  such  a  thing  cost  so  much  ?  Then  we 
shall  have  to  do  without  it,  but  a  substitute 
is  easily  within  our  reach, 

165 


Home  Thoughts 


Women  touched  bv  the  sorrows  of  the 
very  poor,  or  the  grievous  pain  of  the  great, 
aching  world,  are  very  frequently  ardently 
anxious  for  a  field  in  which  to  suffer  and 
deny  themselves  in  behalf  of  their  fellow- 
creatures  ;  but  she  who  can  maintain  a  cheer- 
ful composure,  and  be  ready  with  artful  re- 
source of  feminine  alternative,  who  can  out 
of  the  bitter,  extract  a  sweet  which  shall  be  as 
nectar  to  her  husband's  thirst  for  peace,  has 
to  display  a  heroism  as  exalted  and  qualities 
as  noble  as  those  evinced  by  the  devoted 
women  who  stand  tireless  beside  the  dying 
or  stanch  the  flow  of  blood  from  gaping 
wounds. 

The  unselfishness  which  brings  a  wife  into 
true  co-operation,  the  love  which  makes  sac- 
rifice a  joy,  are  essential  to  the  success  of 
the  woman  who  means  to  prove  that  fortune 
is  not  all  that  makes  a  man  rich.  She  has 
to  rise  above  the  plane  of  duty  well  done, 
she  has  to  aspire  beyond  "making  the  best 
of  things,"  and  become  creative.  She  has 
to   produce    light  and   courage,   and    give    to 

the  faded  new  brightness,  and  gild  the  worn 

166 


Wives  as  Partners 


and  marred,  and  lend  to  all  they  possess  "  the 
magic  of  her  smile." 

Practical,  everyday,  work-a-day  effort  be- 
comes necessary  :  the  learning  how  to  do 
things  heretofore  left  to  skilled  hands,  and 
how  to  do  without  things  heretofore  con- 
sidered essentials.  Refinement,  decorum,  dig- 
nity, need  never  be  sacrificed ;  one  of  the 
most  queenly  women  I  ever  saw  received  me 
in  a  log-cabin  and  fed  me  with  a  dinner 
which  she  had  cooked  with  her  own  slender 
hands.  Her  appearance  at  the  head  of  her 
rudely  made  table  on  which  stood  old  silver 
that  had  been  buried  during  the  civil  war 
which  had  wrecked  her  fortunes,  was  so  pathetic 
that  tears  stood  in  the  eyes  of  her  guests,  but 
she  and  the  place  were  essentially  typical  of 
high  breeding  and  its  requirements. 

To  stand  shoulder  to  shoulder  in  the  long 
and  wearing  months,  and  oftener  years,  in 
which  a  man  and  wife  fight  against  the  hard 
pressure  of  broken  fortune,  sometimes,  alas  ! 
without  possible  recuperation,  endears  and 
binds  them  together  in  a  tenacious  fashion 
that  cannot    weaken.     Soldier-comrades  who 

167 


Home  Thoughts 


have  stood  side  by  side  in  the  trench  or  to- 
gether scaled  a  steep  height  are  hard  to  sepa- 
rate, and  a  husband  and  his  helpmeet  outrival 
them  a  hundred-fold,  when  the  strong  man 
has  found  feminine  weakness  transformed  to 
a  resistance  greater  than  his  own,  through 
love  and  faithfulness  in  which  self  died. 


i68 


Etiquette  of  Family  Life 


XVIII 

ETIQUETTE    OF   FAMILY 

LIFE 

F  a  fellow  can't  do  as  he  pleases  in  his 
own  home,  I  'd  like  to  know  what  it  is 
good  for,"  was  the  sincere  exclamation 
of  a  schoolboy,  whose  extreme  courtesy 
had  been  commented  on  by  a  lady  lately  his 
hostess.  His  gratified  mother,  in  repeating 
these  compliments  to  him,  said  that  she  was 
particularly  pleased,  because  his  careless  hab- 
its at  home  so  often  caused  her  regret  and 
anxiety.  The  above  quotation  was  his  candid 
expression  as  to  the  folly  of  exercising  po- 
liteness and  deference  in  family  life.  Nor 
was  he  at  all  an  exceptional  or  isolated  ex- 
ample of  those  who  are  scrupulously  care- 
ful of  every  conventional  decorum  among 
strangers,  gentle  to  the  aged,  kindly  to  chil- 
dren, thoughtful  of  the  comfort  and  conven- 
ience of  the  households  in  which  they  visit, 

i6q 


Home  Thoughts 


and  yet  steadfastly  ignore  every  one  of  these 
delightful  things  as  soon  as  the  home  door  is 
closed  upon  them. 

Nor  was  he  only  an  exponent  of  a  boy's 
ideas.  It  may  be  too  sweeping  an  assertion 
to  say  that  he  exemplifies  the  conduct  and 
belief  of  half  the  men  and  women  in  perhaps 
the  majority  of  families,  yet  surely  the  number 
is  not  small  who  think  as  he  did  and  Hve  as 
he  lived.  And  the  inconsideration,  the  rough 
speech,  the  readiness  to  give  trouble,  the  satis- 
fying of  self  and  personal  predilection,  "  harks 
back "  to  a  native  barbarism,  which  is  kept 
alive  in  the  heart,  however  perfect  the  veneer 
of  social  convention  may  appear. 

There  are  only  too  many  households  in 
which  a  perpetual  friction  brings  out  sparks 
of  irritation,  which  mar  the  whole  mutual 
existence  of  the  family  and  rob  home  of  any 
semblance  of  peace  and  rest.  There  are 
houses  in  which  order  and  beauty  would  be 
wholly  lost  if  it  were  not  for  the  patient  vigil- 
ance of  one,  on  whom  the  burden  of  restoring 
the  symmetry  of  things  falls  heavily,  while 
lending  helping  hands  to  the  servants,  whose 

170 


Etiquette  of  Family  Life 


work  is  doubled  by  the  careless  selfishness  of 
others. 

Much  influence  of  early  training  is  lost  by 
the  years  spent  in  colleges  and  schools,  where 
for  ten  months  out  of  the  twelve  the  idea  of 
the  mutual  ownership  and  responsibility  of 
home  is  set  aside.  To  young  men  this  is  es- 
pecially the  case,  but  girls  fall  largely  into  the 
same  way  of  looking  at  things,  though  their 
pursuits  do  not  bring  in  their  train  such  pal- 
pable disorder  and  disregard  for  rules  made  for 
the  benefit  of  all  concerned. 

On  a  summer  day  the  delicate  beauty  and 
reposeful  charm  of  a  country  house  can  be 
obliterated  in  halt  an  hour  by  the  arrival  ot 
the  young  people,  who  throw  hats,  caps,  sticks, 
capes,  bats,  hither  and  thither,  draw  up  the 
blinds,  let  in  the  sun,  throw  themselves  on 
the  louno;es,  order  o;lasses  and  pitchers  and 
whatever  thev  want  brought  hither  and 
thither,  regardless  of  the  quick-coming  meal 
or  the  daintv  neatness  of  their  surroundings. 

In  winter  the  cosev  den  to  which  the  tired 
fither  turns  for  his  hour's  rest  before  dinner 
may  be  made  to  resemble  the  dreary  result  of 

171 


Home  Thoughts 


a  dynamite  explosion  by  the  brief  occupancy 
of  his  boys,  who  never  cast  a  thought  toward 
his  comfort  or  his  home-coming. 

Where  a  sense  of  true  regret  and  mortifica- 
tion will  arise  over  the  slightest  delay  or  in- 
terruption caused  in  a  house  where  a  young 
man  or  woman  is  a  guest,  not  so  much  as  a 
word  of  apology  will  be  vouchsafed  at  home 
when  a  meal  has  either  been  spoiled  by  wait- 
ing, or  entirely  re-served  for  the  convenience 
of  those  who  could  have  made  the  meal  cheer- 
ful and  orderly  by  a  promptness  which  would 
have  cost  no  effort.  Just  a  remembrance  of 
mother  and  home  comfort,  which  would  as- 
suredly have  been  bestowed  on  a  stranger 
hostess,  would  have  saved  much  labor  and 
given  great  pleasure. 

To  take  the  most  comfortable  seat,  involv- 
ing the  pleasantest  light  whereby  to  read,  or 
the  coolest  breeze  on  a  hot  day,  and  keep  it 
unmoved  if  it  is  only  one  of  the  family  who 
enters;  to  alter  the  temperature  of  the  room 
without  an  appeal  to  others,  who  may  dread 
more  heat  or  cold,  seems  to  be  an  inherent 
right  in  certain  people's  minds. 

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Why  should  the  meal  prepared  in  a  parent's 
house,  perhaps  with  especial  thought  of  each 
individual  preference,  be  allowed  to  be  de- 
spised and  rudely  found  fault  with,  so  that  a 
sense  of  general  distaste  and  doubt  arises  in 
every  one's  mind  ?  Why  should  questions 
of  domestic  order  and  economy  be  argued 
across  the  board  which  is  meant  to  be  the 
rallying-place  of  the  family  for  physical  com- 
fort and  loving  intercourse?  The  simplest 
regard  to  natural  civility  should  lead  us  to 
spare  the  mother  and  provider  our  unpleasant 
comments  upon  the  food  set  before  us ;  and 
the  merest  recognition  of  what  makes  a  gath- 
ered family  dear  to  each  other  should  guide 
us  to  lend  the  aid  of  pleasant  chat  and  kindly 
speech  while  seated  at  a  dinner-table. 

It  would  be  hard  to  measure  what  good 
could  be  accomplished  by  agreeing  not  to 
find  fault  with  what  was  provided  until  some 
other  time,  and  a  sincere  determination  to 
make  our  meal-times  a  source  of  pleasure  to 
one  another.  We  gather  flowers  to  make  the 
material  board  beautiful,  and  count  it  a  legiti- 
mate use  of  our  money  to  buy  more  liberally 

•73 


Home  Thoughts 


of  what  adds  grace  and  attractiveness  to  our 
table  than  elsewhere  in  our  houses  ;  we  pre- 
pare in  vain  if  a  rude  fault-finding  spirit  rules 
our  family  and  differing  opinions  take  op- 
portunity to  prolong  discussion  and  increase 
irritation.  One  could  hardly  find  a  better 
bond  to  hold  together  the  home  circle  ;  one 
could  scarcely  hope  to  make  the  thought  of 
home  dearer;  there  could  be  no  cheerier 
memories  of  family  life  than  of  the  pleasant 
hours  spent  around  the  well-remembered 
table,  if  by  any  pressure  of  persuasion  or 
influence  of  affection  we  could  prevail  upon 
our  children  to  use  the  same  courtesy  at  home 
that  makes  them  delightful  guests  elsewhere, 
and  show  the  gracious  deference  to  father 
and  mother  that  they  would  surely  give  to 
any  other  host  or  hostess,  however  slightly 
regarded. 

It  is  unquestionably  true  that  we  are  so 
anxious  that  our  children  should  love  their 
homes  that  we  sometimes  allow  them  to  make 
them  very  disagreeable  places  wherein  to  live, 
and  in  the  endeavor  that  they  shall  be  thor- 
oughly comfortable  and  heirs  of  the  kingdom, 

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Etiquette  of  Family  Life 


let  them  subvert  all  the  sweet,  sound  founda- 
tions laid  for  its  endurance.  If  it  were  easy 
to  find  a  remedy  for  this  constantly  increasing 
trouble,  the  eager  mothers  of  the  land  would 
have  found  and  used  it,  but  the  difficulty  is  a 
grave  one  and  its  root  is  deep.  To  be  selfish 
is  as  natural  as  to  live,  and  our  well-bred 
young  people  in  society  are  seeking  success 
and  admiration  and  praise  while  they  grace- 
fully live  in  other  people's  houses,  but  in  their 
own  homes  they  realize  that  the  love  that 
governs  there,  cannot  be  quenched  and  will 
not  be  lost  to  them,  let  them  tax  its  faithful- 
ness as  they  may. 

Yet  certainly  much  can  be  done  by  persist- 
ent, patient  setting  fDrth  of  the  charm  of 
happy  family  intercourse  and  by  unfiiiling 
sweetness  of  temper  and  cheerfulness  on  the 
part  of  the  heads  of  the  house. 

It  has  seemed  to  the  writer  that  fathers  co- 
operate less  earnestly  than  they  might,  in 
demanding  a  more  chivalric  treatment  of  the 
mother  who  combines  so  many  offices  in  one. 
In  watching  with  increasing  admiration  the 
life  of  a   neighboring  family  where  courtesy 

'75 


Home  Thoughts 


marked  the  most  trivial  act  of  one  toward 
another,  it  gradually  became  apparent  that  the 
marked  deference  shown  the  lovely  mother 
sprang  from  direct  imitation  of  her  husband's 
unfailing  tenderness  toward  her. 

There  were  jolly  athletic  boys  in  patriarchal 
number  in  this  household,  and  their  home 
looked  down  a  highway  leading  by  a  steep 
grade  from  the  top  to  the  bottom  of  a  hill. 
Times  without  number  have  I  seen  this  merry 
clan  just  at  the  foot  of  the  hill  doff  all  their 
caps  and  make  the  most  gallant  salutation ; 
they  had  just  caught  sight  of  their  mother's 
pleasant  face  on  the  outlook  for  their  return. 
They  met  her  eagerly,  receiving  her  kiss  with 
uncovered  heads  and  standing  aside  that  she 
might  have  precedence  in  entering  her  own 
door.  They  were  boys  to  the  heart's  core, 
jubilant,  restless,  athletic,  and  merry,  but  in 
four  years'  close  neighborhood  I  never  heard 
a  word  of  fraternal  rudeness ;  I  never  saw  a 
mean  or  selfish  advantage  taken,  nor  did  any 
instance  occur  when  they  were  not  as  con- 
siderate of  each  other  and  of  home  as  if  they 
were  guests  who  tarried  but  a  night.     Some- 

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thing  besides  natural  tendencies  brought 
about  these  results,  and  beyond  the  ordinary 
training  of  an  educated  Christian  teaching, 
it  seemed  to  me  to  come  from  the  influence 
of  their  father's  gentle  courtesy  to  their 
mother. 

If  courtesy  of  manner  has  charm  and  most 
delightful  influences,  courtesy  of  speech  goes 
yet  further,  and,  alas  !  rudeness  of  the  tongue 
is  remembered  when  the  roughness  of  incon- 
sideration  is  forgotten.  The  jeering  laughter 
over  some  unavoidable  error ;  the  quick  un- 
gracious contradiction,  the  implied  ignorance, 
which  is  so  common  in  the  comments  of  the 
young  upon  their  elders  in  these  days,  remain 
like  the  poisoned  heads  of  arrows  and  cause  a 
lasting  sore.  The  sense  of  being  too  old- 
fashioned  to  seem  distinguished,  of  being  so 
little  up  to  the  innovations  of  the  time  as  to 
seem  ridiculous,  of  approaching  senile  demen- 
tia by  adherence  to  theories  and  manners  of 
their  youth,  are  mental  phases  only  too  famil- 
iar to  the  head  of  many  an  American  house- 
hold to-day,  where  the  "chafi-'"  or  graver 
criticism  at  her  own  dinner-table  have  made 

12  177 


Home  Thoughts 


wounds  in  a  mother's  heart  which  will  never 
entirely  heal. 

The  aids  against  these  sorrowful  conditions 
lie  in  the  parents'  hands.  First,  there  should 
be  a  rule  as  stern  as  any  Median  law  under 
which  rudeness  and  contradiction  and  dis- 
courtesy should  be  regarded  as  wrong  in  the 
same  sense  as  any  other  punishable  naughti- 
ness in  childhood,  and  by  other  fitting  dis- 
cipline as  years  go  on  —  a  rule  by  which  the 
etiquette  of  home  life  should  be  as  fixed  and 
as  necessary  as  in  any  other  possible  social 
relation,  and  its  violations  should  bring  results 
which  can  be  felt  and  remembered;  not  a 
formula  of  stiff  restrictions  alien  to  real  feeling, 
but  by  the  enforcement  of  the  rights  of  others 
and  the  adoption  of  that  great  law  from  which 
good  manners  form  their  own  details  —  the 
law  of  self-forgetfulness  and  endeavor  to  make 
others  happy.  Bad  manners  and  making 
things  unpleasant  at  home  come  from  pure 
selfishness,  and  it  is  cruel  to  let  a  child  grow 
up  selfishly. 

The  other  help  lies  in  the  tactful,  persistent 
showing  —  a  lifelong  demonstration  —  of  the 

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Etiquette  of  Family  Life 


happiness  which  comes  from  the  living  the 
life  of  a  gentleman  or  a  gentlewoman,  whose 
courtesy  and  thoughtfulness  in  the  world  is 
drawn  from  the  fountainhead  at  home  and  has 
ceased  to  be  a  polish  and  become  an  integral 
fibre  of  character. 


179 


Home  Thoughts 


XIX 

THE    LAMENTABLE    PUBLICITY 
OF    MODERN    LIFE 

WE  of  the  "  old  school"  have  long 
been  sorrowful  over  the  defence- 
less state  of  private  life  against 
the  invasion  of  the  world.  It  has 
seemed  to  us  a  grievous  loss  of  sweetness  and 
grace  that  our  fair  young  daughters  are,  with- 
out ceremony  or  permission,  described  in  the 
public  prints  ;  their  dress,  their  complexions, 
their  pursuits  and  accomplishments  made  the 
subject  of  amusement  to  the  world  at  large. 
It  becomes  intolerable  when  the  story  of  their 
gentle,  girlish  love  affairs  is  used  to  lengthen 
the  column  of  "society  notes,"  without  which 
a  newspaper  is  called  old-fashioned  and  un- 
interesting. 

The  mere  mention  of  the  names  of  women 
in  paragraphs  solely  printed  for  public  use, 
side  by  side  with  the  record  of  crime  or  the 
horror  of  disaster,  pushes  them  into  the  dusty 

i8o 


Lamentable  Publicity  of  Modern  Life 

arena  of  the  world's  strife,  and  changes  their 
position  from  the  sheltered  dwellers  in  protect- 
ing homes  to  that  of  amusers  of  the  vulgar 
crowd. 

Guided  by  detailed  descriptions,  which  are 
often  minute  enough  for  a  passport,  there  are 
men  and  women  whose  chief  delight  at  the 
opera  is  to  try  to  pick  out  the  pretty  debu- 
tantes about  whom  they  have  read  with  strange 
eagerness,  and  to  identify  their  mothers  by  the 
jewels  of  which  they  have  heard  with  covetous 
ears.  I  well  remember  how  the  quiet,  tender- 
hearted girls  of  that  time  pitied  the  lovely 
Alexandra  when  she  first  stepped  upon  British 
soil,  because  the  English  papers  told  of  the 
kiss  with  which  her  royal  lover  greeted  her, 
and  that  a  poet  made  it  the  subject  of  a  son- 
net. The  glory  of  marrying  the  heir  of  the 
English  crown  was  fully  appreciated,  and  the 
romance  of  her  coming  from  the  homely 
simplicity  of  her  Danish  court,  chosen  from 
out  the  royal  women  of  the  world  for  her 
loveliness  and  purity  and  unstained  record  to 
take  the  most  enviable  place  in  all  Europe, 
was  fascinating,  but  the  honor  seemed  dearly 

i8i 


Home  Thoughts 


bought  at  such  a  price.  That  even  the  tender 
caress  of  her  lover  could  not  be  her  own  was 
worse  than  to  have  been  robbed  of  title  and 
palace. 

The  "  fierce  light  that  beats  upon  a  throne  " 
was  a  thing  to  shrink  from  as  a  sort  of  torture, 
and  was  deemed  a  cause  for  kindly  regret,  as 
falling  on  one  so  fair  and  sweet,  by  girls  whose 
simple  lives  at  least  were  safe  from  the  staring 
crowd  and  the  rude  criticism  of  the  rabble. 
Of  whose  life  can  this  now  be  truly  said  ^ 
Who  is  sure  that  by  to-morrow  she  will  not 
see  that  the  friends  who  broke  bread  with  her 
to-day  are  discussed  as  freely  and  as  carelessly 
as  if  they  had  played  leading  roles  at  the 
theatres  where  men  and  women  paid  for  the 
privilege  of  seeing  them  ? 

What  the  fascination  is  in  personal  gossip 
about  people  unknown  to  us  is  a  problem. 
That  it  exists  in  great  strength  universally,  no 
one  can  doubt.  There  are  people  who  even 
entertain  one  with  items  of  intelligence  con- 
cerning the  wives  and  children  of  distinguished 
men,  as  one   naturalist  would  tell  another  of 

the  absurdities  or  the  wonders  of  new-found 

182 


Lamentable  Pablicity  of  Modern  Life 

animals.  What  is  there  in  the  fact  that 
Admiral  So-and-So's  wife  is  a  very  nervous 

woman,  or  Senator 's  daughter  has  a  fine 

voice,  which  makes  it  pleasant  to  tell  and  to 
hear  ?  It  will  remain  a  mystery  to  the  end 
of  time,  for  it  is  not  the  peculiarity  of  a  lower 
stratum  inspecting  a  higher,  or  of  the  uniniti- 
ated seeing  the  hidden  — women  of  the  same 
social  condition  are  quite  as  deeply  interested 
about  those  who  are  only  separated  from  them 
by  the  accident  of  place. 

Nor  are  men  outside  of  or  proof  against  the 
charm.  Many  a  husband  tells  with  animation 
to  his  highly  amused  wife,  the  story  of  family 
peculiarities  and  individual  errors  which  has 
served  to  kill  time  as  he  journeyed  home  in 
the  up-town  train.  It  is  a  universal  human 
trait,  which  does  not  tend  to  make  us  more 
proud  of  ourselves. 

Time  was  when  the  too  free  use  of  a  young 
girl's  name,  though  coupled  with  the  most 
ardent  praise,  called  forth  the  quick  resent- 
ment of  her  friend,  and  duels  have  been 
fought  because  a  toast  was  given  in  a  mess- 
room  or  a  public  gathering  of  men,  though  the 

183 


Home  Thoughts 


hearers  were  but  asked  to  pledge  her  health  or 
drink  to  the  supremacy  of  her  beauty. 

To-day,  if  they  will,  they  may  learn,  after 
the  stock  list  has  been  scanned  and  the 
market  understood,  what  the  bride  of  yester- 
day received  from  her  lover,  what  amount 
her  father  put  in  her  purse,  how  she  bought 
her  wedding  gown,  and  where  the  wine  at  the 
wedding-breakfast  came  from.  They  may 
even  learn  (I  quote)  "  that  the  fair  fiancee  has 
wisely  decided  not  to  longer  delay  her  mar- 
riage, for  her  younger  sister  will  be  a  far  more 
popular  and  beautiful  woman  than  she  ever 
was." 

So  far  we  have  only  thought  of  the  rude 
unveiling  of  what  is  lovable  and  beautiful  and 
happy  ;  but  there  is  a  far  deeper  and  more 
extraordinary  phase  of  publicity  which  is 
wounding  our  domestic  life  and  cruelly  ex- 
posing the  most  sacred  and  guarded  moments 
of  family  experience.  Recently  the  retired 
life  of  an  old  and  dignified  gentleman  has 
been  invaded  by  inquiries  from  nine  out  of 
every  ten  of  the  daily  newspapers  in  our  own 

and  adjacent  cities,  concerning  the  innocence 

184 


Lamentable  Publicity  of  Modern  Life 

or  guilt  of  an  erring  son.  Not  one  word  that 
was  wrung  from  him  has  been  concealed,  and 
not  one  word  was  printed  by  authority  or  with 
a  shadow  of  permission.  Where  is  the  weak 
point  in  our  civilization  through  which  such 
an  outrage  can  be  perpetrated  ? 

And  in  that  innermost  shrine,  where  the 
peace  and  stability  of  family  life  are  kept 
guarded  by  mutual  love  and  honor,  and  the 
strength  of  indissoluble  union  is  fed  at  the 
springs  of  undying  respect  —  is  there  no  force 
which  can  keep  its  golden  door  shut  ?  The 
hour  seems  at  hand  that  shall  even  tear  this 
open,  and  the  kiss  that  the  Prince  gave  Alex- 
andra be  no  longer  a  thing  to  talk  about. 
What  is  there  in  the  marital  happiness  or  un- 
happiness  of  any  American  citizen  which  needs 
to  be  "  announced  by  authority  "  ? 

Must  we,  while  living  in  palaces  and  en- 
larging our  retinues,  suffer  also  the  penalties 
of  rank  ?  And  when  the  —  alas  !  —  too  com- 
mon grief  of  disagreement  and  division,  born 
largely  of  our  artificial  and  superficial  lives, 
enters  men's  homes,  is  there  no  way  to  hide 
the   wound   and   to   keep   the  sore  from    the 

185 


Home  Thoughts 


shame  of  examination  under  the  many-lensed 
microscope  of  pubhc  curiosity  ?  Is  there  any 
far-off  reason  why  the  misery  of  unhappy  hus- 
bands and  wives  must  become  public  property  ? 
Is  there  no  means  by  which  the  law  of  a 
Christian  land  can  stretch  its  aegis  over  the 
unfortunate  children  of  such  sad  parents  and 
protect  them  from  the  declaration  of  parental 
shame  ?  Is  the  disease  so  deeply  rooted  that 
those  chiefly  concerned  in  these  broken  homes 
cannot  gather  strength  enough  to  say,  "My 
sorrow  is  my  own,"  and  to  save  the  young 
from  believing  that  the  vows  they  pledge  and 
the  hopes  they  cherish  are  but  like  other 
things  after  all,  "of  the  earth,  earthy,"  and  sub- 
ject to  a  ruin  of  which  they  daily  read  details 
which  would  be  heartrending  if  disgust  at  their 
public  revelation  did  not  quench  sympathy  ? 

Once  there  existed  an  unwritten  code  which 
made  the  mother  of  children  sacred,  even  in 
time  of  her  own  misconduct,  to  their  father. 
A  husband  might  eat  out  his  own  heart  in  the 
despair  of  his  bitter  disappointment  and  the 
defeat  of  his  life,  but  no  man  might  mention 
her  who  bore  his  name  in  his  presence  with 

186 


Lamentable  Publicity  of  Modern  Life 

disrespect.  In  times  and  conditions  of  early 
yet  barbarous  romanticism,  a  husband's  hand 
might  end  his  erring  wife's  life,  but  he  did  it 
secretly  and  with  silence.  Men  and  women 
have  waited  until  the  highest  point  of  refine- 
ment and  ultra-civilization  had  been  reached 
before  they  publish  the  record  of  family  dis- 
cord and  give  to  the  idle  reader  of  common 
news  the  zestful  morsel  of  their  private  wrongs 
as  a  tid-bit. 

And  what  has  become  of  the  enduring 
patience,  the  stern  self-suppression  with  which 
women  were  made  strong  to  live  silently 
under  great  wrongs,  rather  than  expose  their 
children  to  a  world's  pity,  and  risk  the  divi- 
sion of  their  young  lives  between  differing 
parents  ?  I  knew  a  woman  to  whom  her 
husband  never  spoke  except  officially  for 
twenty  terrible  years,  who  ruled  his  house  in 
lovely  dignity  and  kept  the  misery  in  her 
brave  heart  that  she  might  watch  over  her 
children,  and  let  them  go  forth  into  the  world 
without  opportunity  of  disgraceful  comment 
regarding  their  parents.  At  the  head  of  her 
well-ordered  table,  the  courtly  master  of  the 

187 


Home  Thoughts 


house  addressed  her  as  he  did  his  guests,  re- 
garding the  food  of  which  she  would  partake, 
and  in  other  places  gave  her  the  respectful  treat- 
ment due  any  stranger  under  his  protection, 
but  never  in  all  those  years  broke  the  silence 
otherwise.  Not  once  did  she  complain,  nor 
confide  the  truth  even  to  her  sisters.  If  she 
was  a  humiliated  and  deposed  wife,  she  carried 
her  burden  gallantly  and  took  no  one  into 
her  confidence.  To-day  her  butler  would 
have  sold  her  story  to  the  highest  bidder,  and 
she  would  have  sat  under  a  battery  of  staring 
eyes  whenever  she  took  her  beautiful  daughter 
into  public  places. 

O  !  for  some  power  to  rouse  in  those  who, 
being  gifted  with  influence  and  distinction, 
lead  the  public  mind,  a  revival  of  that  rever- 
ence for  the  sanctity  of  home  that  should 
cover  its  joys  and  sorrows  with  the  shields  of 
reticence  and  self-respect.  Surely  there  must 
be  some  way  to  find  protection  for  what  is 
dearer  than  life  to  any  man  or  woman,  and  to 
preserve  young  lives  from  being  subjected  to 
such  lowering  discussion.  Is  it  inevitable  that 
henceforth  a  man's  roof  must  lack  protection 

1 88 


Lamentable  Publicity  of  Modern  Life 

to  those  who  dwell  beneath  it  ?  Because  the 
populace  like  true  stories  of  real  lives,  are  we 
obliged  to  afford  them  amusement  ? 

Somewhere  deep  down  there  must  exist 
both  a  lack  of  reverence  for  the  sanctity  of 
family  life  and  an  indifference  to  what  makes 
a  home,  or  these  things  could  never  be. 
With  all  the  rest  of  the  great  struggle  to  live 
as  kings  and  princes  do,  there  must  abide  a 
desire  to  be  "  in  the  eye  of  the  public,"  as  the 
phrase  goes,  and  a  belief  that  in  some  way  it 
is  a  token  of  greatness.  And  if  this  be  true 
of  any  of  us,  we  have  found  a  root  hard  to 
eradicate.  From  it  will  continue  to  grow  an 
evil  influence  which  will  touch  even  the  simple 
lives  of  those  who  give  no  reason  for  this  hard 
treatment  except  that  they  are  fair,  and  bright, 
and  beautiful.  When  the  few  who  are  notable 
afford  no  "  news  "  (!)  the  simplest,  most 
modest  life  must  be  pressed  into  the  service 
of  the  "  society  column."  May  time  develop 
some  way  in  which  to  revive  the  old  traditions 
of  gentlemen  and  gentlewomen,  and  give 
refuge  to  those  whose  lives  are  too  sincerely 
simple  to  make  food  for  sensation  ! 

189 


Home  Thoughts 


XX 

MORAL    RESPONSIBILITY   OF 
ENTERTAINING 

BEYOND  the  scruples  of  some  care- 
ful mother  who  dreads  lest  there 
may  be  too  much  wine  for  her  young 
men  guests,  or  the  conscientious  cal- 
culation of  expense  on  the  part  of  a  young 
wife,  it  is  not  an  every-day  thing  to  have  any 
debate  in  the  minds  of  host  or  hostess  as 
to  the  moral  aspect  of  such  hospitality  as 
they  may  choose  to  offer. 

Yet  there  is  a  serious  responsibility  ap- 
pertaining to  every  opening  of  our  doors 
to  our  guests,  and  not  a  little  opportunity 
for  good  or  evil.  It  was  the  sad  verdict  of 
a  neighborhood  that  sat  in  judgment  upon 
the  household  of  a  public  man  gone  not 
long  since  to  his  account,  that  "  no  young 
man  was  ever  intimate  with  the  family  with- 
out being  the  worse  for  it."  The  card- 
table  emptied  their  purses,  the   well-stocked 

190 


Moral  Responsibility  of  Entertaining 


sideboard  fired  their  brains.  The  scattered 
and  disintegrated  family  circle  is  to-day  an 
object-lesson. 

And  there  is  also  a  fundamental  principle 
regarding  hospitality  which  we  are  all  very 
apt  to  lose  sight  of:  to  contribute  in  some 
sort  to  the  cheerfulness  of  our  community 
is  undoubtedly  a  duty,  and  a  house  closed 
against  its  neighbors  is  not  the  home  of  a 
good  citizen.  The  "  give  and  take  "  of  social 
bargaining  can  hardly  be  honored  with  the 
lovely  name  of  hospitality  ;  it  comes  rather 
under  the  head  of  a  pleasant  commercial  in- 
terchange. The  truly  hospitable  door  stands 
always  on  the  latch,  the  spirit  of  the  house 
is  the  generous  intention  to  welcome  with 
cordial  readiness  all  those  who  find  pleasure 
in  lifting  it. 

All  the  sweet  overflow  of  feeling,  which 
calls  friends  and  companions  in  to  congrat- 
ulate the  old  or  young  who  have  come  to 
some  "  red-letter  day "  of  rejoicing,  and  so 
cement  friendship  by  sympathy,  comes  from 
the  fountain-head  of  genuine  hospitality.  The 
making  of  a  family  anniversary  into  an  occa- 

191 


Home  Thoughts 


sion  of  joy  to  a  neighborhood  binds  our 
lives  one  to  another  with  great  and  beautiful 
strength.  The  brilliant,  benignant  gentle- 
woman whose  birthdays  became  fete-days  as 
her  honored  years  grew  greater  and  greater 
was  like  a  magnetic  current  drawing  her 
whole  social  circle  together  by  their  unity  in 
her. 

To  open  one's  own  doors,  or  the  wider 
ones  of  some  public  caravansary,  in  order 
to  give  a  great  display  of  wealth  that  shall 
dazzle  and  insure  supremacy,  is  wholly  out- 
side of  the  remotest  stretch  of  what  we  could 
fairly  designate  as  being  hospitable.  Doubt- 
less it  answers  its  purpose  famously  and 
attains  its  end ;  this  lavish  splendor  and  pro- 
fuse distribution  of  luxuries  rarely  fails  to 
gain  its  reward.  But  it  is  purely  a  means  of 
self-exploitation  for  a  purpose,  and  is  so  un- 
derstood by  all  the  social  world.  It  is  surely 
something  very  far  away  from  that  sweet  and 
noble  practice  which  we  define  as  the  "  recep- 
tion and  entertainment  of  strangers  and  guests 
without  reward,  in  a  spirit  of  liberality  and 
kindness."     What   responsibility  lies   on   the 

192 


Moral  Responsibility  of  Entertaining 

shoulders  of  these  lavish  hosts  in  their  ulti- 
mate influence  on  life  in  our  country,  time 
and  the  next  generation  can  better  tell  than 
we  may  at  present  decide. 

The  making  all  our  entertainments  centre 
in  some  material  advantage  to  the  guests 
lowers  the  tone  of  social  life.  That  we 
should  desire  to  provide  with  care  and  liber- 
ality for  those  whom  we  ask  to  come  to  our 
houses  is  a  matter  of  course,  but  that  we 
should  hesitate  to  bring  congenial  people 
together  because  we  can  be  neither  magnifi- 
cent nor  wonder-making  hosts,  robs  life  of 
much  of  its  good  cheer  and  sets  up  a  false 
standard  for  a  people  whose  intent  is  sup- 
posed to  be  the  maintenance  of  republican 
simplicity  and  the  exaltation  of  a  man  above 
his  belongings. 

Especially  is  there  a  grave  and  much-ne- 
glected duty  allied  to  what  we  do  in  this 
way  for  children  and  young  people.  A  child 
comes  from  manv,  nay  most,  parties  laden 
as  heavily  as  were  the  Hebrews  in  leaving 
Egypt  of  old.  His  first  words  on  reaching 
home  are  no  longer  the  formula  of  the  old 
»3  193 


Home  Thoughts 


days,  "Oh,  we  did  have  such  fun !  "  but  run- 
ning to  his  mother  he  cries,  "  Just  see  what 
r  ve  got ! " 

And  when  a  girl  standing  just  at  the  bor- 
derland of  womanhood  calls  together  her 
school  friends  to  lunch  with  her,  and  we 
look  in  upon  that  charming  sight,  a  bevy  of 
sweet,  fresh,  young  women  gathered  around 
a  delicately  ornamented  table,  it  startles  the 
eyes  which  with  the  century  are  growing  old 
to  see  two  or  three  wineglasses  at  each  dainty 
plate,  and  the  mind  nurtured  in  a  different 
atmosphere  is  alarmed  to  realize  that  the 
rosy  lips  of  girls  of  seventeen  part  with  ready 
familiarity  to  enjoy  good  wine,  and  find  an 
exhilaration  to  which  they  are  accustomed  in 
the  champagne  without  which  the  meal  to 
them  would  seem  niggardly.  Happily,  the 
sequence  of  early  dependence  on  such  stimu- 
lants does  not  come  within  our  province,  and 
yet,  more  happily,  this  custom  is  not  univer- 
sal, but  it  is  unquestionably  very  general,  and 
the  moral  aspect  of  this  part  of  such  enter- 
tainments is  a  thing  not  lightlv  to  be  passed 
by. 

194 


Moral  Responsibility  of  Entertaining 


Two  things  seem  quite  plain  to  us  students 
of  home  and  its  duties  and  pleasures  :  It  is 
not  a  true  home  out  of  which  no  influence 
goes  to  cheer  and  gladden  the  world,  and  it  is 
not  an  honorable  home  which  provides  any- 
thing that  can  hurt  the  body  or  souls  of  its 
guests,  or  which  fails  to  make  its  hospitality  a 
source  of  wholesome  joy  to  mind  as  well  as 
body. 

I  am  not  writing  a  disguised  lecture  on 
total  abstinence,  but  without  any  covering 
veil  whatever  I  would  desire  to  speak  of  the 
great  responsibility  laid  upon  us  as  to  the 
methods  and  times  of  serving  wines,  and  as 
to  the  unrestrained  freedom  with  which  it  is 
now  left  to  the  choice  of  very  young  people, 
or  served  in  fatally  large  quantities  at  the 
entertainments  of  the  rich. 

There  is  a  charming  unity  in  the  belief  and 
practice  of  mankind  in  regard  to  the  tie  en- 
gendered by  the  shelter  of  a  roof  and  the 
breaking  of  bread  in  a  man's  house.  The 
salt  of  the  Arab  cannot  be  tasted  without 
binding  him  to  become  your  protector  while 
you  abide  with  him,  and  in  the  most  civilized 

195 


Home  Thoughts 


countries  of  the  world,  he  who  partakes  of 
hospitality  and  afterwards  disregards  the  honor 
of  his  host  is  counted  unworthy  of  esteem 
among  his  fellows.  To  sit  at  a  man's  table 
and  later  use  his  weaknesses  or  ignorances  to 
point  a  jest  is  not  an  unheard-of  thing,  but  it 
is  a  shameful  one.  I  once  saw  a  courtly  old 
gentleman  suddenly  interrupt  a  conversation 
between  two  gay  young  men  who  were  laugh- 
ing noisily  over  the  lack  of  conventional 
"  good  form  "  in  a  certain  new-rich  man,  by 
asking  :  "  I  beg  your  pardon,  but  did  I  under- 
stand that  you  were  dining  with  this  man  last 
night  ?  "  Surprised,  they  answered  readily  : 
"Yes;  it  was  the  drollest  thing  you  ever 
saw  in  your  life."  "In  my  day,"  thundered 
out  the  elder  man,  "  to  ridicule  a  person  who 
had  extended  his  hospitality  to  you  was  con- 
sidered an  outrage  !  "  Two  more  astonished 
youngsters  never  lived. 

The  obverse  of  the  picture  shows  the  value 
of  the  genuine  exchange  of  such  courtesies  as 
effectually  bind  us  to  each  other.  It  is  well 
that  children  shall  look  upon  their  invitations 
to  their  comrades  not  alone  as  sources  of  grati- 

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Moral  Responsibility  of  Entertaining 

fication  to  themselves,  but  as  a  right  way  to 
express  their  affection,  and  even  be  induced 
to  use  some  self-denial  to  make  the  anticipated 
visit  pleasant  to  their  guests  ;  to  put  off  a 
promised  treat  until  it  can  be  shared,  or  save 
a  dainty  until  the  friend  arrives. 

We  make  at  once  too  great  and  too  little 
effort  in  entertaining  ;  we  strain  every  resource 
to  produce  beautiful  effects  and  set  delicacies 
upon  our  tables,  but  we  do  too  little  towards 
giving  any  lasting  pleasure.  We  use  too 
much  elaboration,  and  so  make  the  coming 
of  a  few  friends  to  dinner  a  troublesome 
matter,  and  stop  our  provision  for  them  too 
abruptly  with  the  item  of  their  food.  There 
is  a  model  club  in  our  city  which,  in  the 
private  homes  of  its  members,  gives  to  society 
at  large  an  ideal  of  what  constitutes  a  perfect 
form  of  entertainment.  Its  limited  number 
is  a  safeguard  to  its  continuity,  but  there  is  no 
reason  why  its  delightful,  reasonable  evenings 
might  not  be  imitated  in  every  neighborhood 
where  fifty  or  a  hundred  people  wish  at  once 
to  give  each  other  pleasure,  and  at  the  same 
time  provide  amusement  that  shall  leave  an 

197 


Home  Thoughts 


enduring  gratification  behind.  The  individ- 
ual stamp  of  each  host  is  upon  the  character 
of  what  he  offers  his  guests,  and  yet  in  this 
variety  there  is  the  unity  of  high  purpose  and 
deHghtful  cultivation. 

The  good  Book  bids  us  to  be  "  given  to 
hospitality "  ;  with  a  strange  perversity  I 
have  of  late,  under  pressure  of  certain  facts, 
kept  twisting  other  of  its  sacred  words  to  say, 
"  and  let  your  hospitality  be  without  dissimu- 
lation." It  would  be  better  for  my  argument 
if  these  words  were  really  to  be  found  in  a 
place  of  such  commanding  authority,  but  of 
the  need  of  such  persuasion  we  can  none  of 
us  be  doubtful.  Inviting  people  whom  we  do 
not  care  to  meet,  to  accept  a  welcome  we  dis- 
like to  give,  is  a  detriment  to  any  true  social 
life  and  a  dishonor  to  our  homes.  Social 
insincerity  is  said  to  be  a  social  necessity  ;  if 
this  be  so  it  were  well  that  we  should  take  to 
the  deserts  and  live  apart  from  men. 

There  is  a  sadly  neglected  point  in  the 
ordering  of  our  households  that  is  of  great 
importance  to  our  children.  They  should  be 
induced  to  take  a  cheerful  and  unselfish  share 

198 


Moral  Responsibility  of  Entertaining 

in  the  welcoming  and  caring  for  such  guests 
as  are  not  agreeable  additions  to  the  family 
circle  —  the  deaf,  to  whom  it  is  trying  to  talk; 
the  aged,  who  need  especial  care,  the  best 
seat  by  the  fireside,  and  a  thousand  small  at- 
tentions which  the  young  ought  properly  to 
pay;  the  semi-invalid,  for  whose  sake  the 
piano  must  be  closed  early  and  the  doors 
closed  gently  ;  even  the  irritable,  who  easily 
take  offence. 

There  are  very  few  young  hearts  which,  if 
properly  approached,  cannot  be  moved  to 
pity  for  those  who  are  infirm  and  made  to  feel 
a  sense  at  least  of  satisfaction  in  being  help- 
ful. It  is  a  droll  evidence  of  inherent  self- 
love  when  we  discover  how  being  important 
takes  away  the  sting  of  restraint.  As  soon 
as  a  child,  especially  a  girl,  can  feel  that 
she  is  of  use  and  can  do  anything  better 
than  some  one  else,  labor  is  light.  "Old  Mr. 
Jones  says  he  can  hear  you  more  easily  than 
he  can  any  one  else,"  will  suffice  to  keep  a 
clear  childish  voice  amusing  the  old  man  for 
an  hour.  If  these  yet  plastic  natures  gain  the 
idea  that  it  is  a  part  of  life's  pleasant  duty  to 

199 


Home  Thoughts 


make  their  homes  places  of  rest  and  good 
cheer,  and  that  the  dispensing  of  heartfelt  and 
inspiring  hospitality,  which  shall  enlarge  the 
world's  fountains  of  refreshment  and  pleasure, 
is  an  integral  quality  of  the  best  family  life, 
they  will  not  readily  lose  sight  of  these  funda- 
mental principles  in  later  years. 


200 


Friendship  and  Consolation  of  a  Garden 


XXI 

FRIENDSHIP    AND    CONSOLA- 
TION   OF    A    GARDEN 

I  HAVE  often  thought  what  a  beneficial 
effect  it  would  have  on  the  sum  of" 
human  experience  in  our  country  and 
latitude,  if  keepers  of  summer  refuges 
for  heat-driven  citizens  rented  small  gardens 
with  their  suites  of  rooms.  How  much  it 
would  relieve  the  tendency  to  talk  gossip  on 
the  verandas  and  relax  the  tension  when 
social  crises  were  at  hand  !  What  a  joyful 
change  from  the  routine  of  breakfast,  and 
seeing  the  stage  start,  and  settling  down  to 
fancy  work  and  unamusing  chat  with  uncon- 
genial people,  to  hurry  out  to  the  bit  of 
border  assigned  to  our  care  and  see  how  far 
the  rose-bud,  discovered  yesterday,  had  un- 
folded its  calyx,  or  the  stalk  of  pale  lilies  had 
progressed  toward  maturity. 

We  look  on  flowers  too  much  in  the  light 
of    their    sentimental    connections,    and    city 

20I 


Home  Thoughts 


folk  are  apt  to  love  them  as  gifts  from 
friends,  or  ornaments  to  their  feasts,  or 
decorative  additions  to  the  beauty  of  their 
homes,  or  even  as  the  crowning  touch  to  a 
perfect  toilette.  We  have  no  chance  to 
understand  the  close  friendship  a  heart,  inti- 
mate with  their  loveliness,  forms  for  them  ; 
nor  do  we  realize  the  comfort  which  they 
give  to  those  who  are  comfortless  from  other 
sources. 

In  some  sort  the  response  of  a  growing 
plant  to  the  tenderness  and  watchful  care 
of  its  owner  is  like  that  of  a  sweet-natured 
child  —  it  droops  and  we  give  it  shade  and 
water,  and  returning  at  evening  finds  its  head 
raised,  its  leaves  spread  out  eagerly  to  draw 
in  breath,  and,  perhaps,  can  see  a  perceptible 
increase  in  its  height.  Do  this  twice  or 
thrice,  and  you  will  begin  to  love  the  weak- 
ling, and  your  thoughts  will  recur  to  it  when 
you  are  away  from  it ;  if  it  is  sultry,  you  will 
fear  for  it ;  if  the  rain  falls  gently,  you  will 
remember  that  it  will  be  refreshed  and  be 
glad. 

The   incomparable    history  of  what  "  Pic- 

202 


Friendship  and  Consolation  of  a  Garden 

ciola  "  was  to  her  imprisoned  friend  is  in  no 
sense  an  exaggeration,  and  we  have  only  to 
take  our  lonely  and  burdened  hearts  to  any 
quiet  place,  or  even  to  a  window  in  which  we 
can  watch  and  personally  protect  and  care  for 
a  blossoming  plant,  to  learn  what  is  the  truth 
concerning  the  soul  of  man  and  the  life  of 
God's  mute  messengers. 

In  thinking  of  what  one  may  send  an 
invalid  or  those  shut  within  four  changeless 
walls,  it  is  of  infinitely  more  use  to  choose  an 
immature  and  budding  plant,  or  a  bulb  just 
ready  to  rise  from  its  time  of  germinating  in 
darkness,  than  to  expend  large  sums  in  cut 
flowers.  To  count  the  buds,  to  watch  the 
unfolding  leaves,  to  see  the  up-shooting  of  a 
flower  stalk,  is  not  only  a  new  delight  for 
every  morning,  but  is  a  daily  gospel  of  good 
cheer.  Growth,  expansion,  color,  life,  each 
speak  of  possibly  returning  health,  and  tell 
of  vitality  that  is  not  readily  quenched. 

Last  winter  a  few  lily-of-the-valley  roots 
planted  in  a  wide-mouthed  earthen  pot  were 
to  a  feeble  woman  like  a  visit  from  the  very 
"  Genius   of   Spring."     The  snow   lay   thick 

203 


Home  Thoughts 


and  white  outside,  the  roads  were  barely- 
broken  and  desolately  untrodden,  there  was 
illness  within  and  isolation  without ;  but  she 
of  the  lily-pot  carried  her  pets  from  window 
to  window,  following  the  sun,  and  could 
hardly  resist  caressing  the  frail  leaves,  which, 
pale  and  translucent,  almost  like  the  folded 
wings  of  a  katydid,  rose  from  the  dull  moss 
just  far  enough  to  shield  the  up-thrust  lily- 
stalk.  For  three  weeks  they  were  her  only 
guests,  and  satisfied  her  heart,  standing  at 
last  in  smiling  clusters  of  white,  while  the 
unfolding  leaves  hurried  to  reach  up  to  them, 
exhaling  the  subtle  wood-odor  peculiar  to 
their  tribe.  No  one  could  disbelieve  in  the 
return  of  all  delightful  out-of-door  joys  while 
he  stood  a  witness  of  what  warmth  and  light 
can  do. 

If  one  is  vigorous  enough  really  to  work 
in  a  garden  —  weed  and  straighten  and  trim 
and  cut  off  seed  vessels  and  stir  the  earth 
about  the  growing  plants  —  the  chief  danger 
lies  in  its  becoming  a  mild  form  of  mania, 
mind  and  body  refusing  to  perform  other 
duties.     There   is,    I  am  positive,  some  pri- 

204 


Friendship  and  Consolation  of  a  Garden 

maeval  affinity  between  the  hand  of  man  and 
Mother  Earth,  which  makes  it  a  delight  to 
touch  and  handle  it,  from  the  fascinating 
influence  of  mud  pies  upon  children,  to  the 
sense  of  supreme  satisfaction  in  patting  down 
some  good  potting  soil  about  a  favorite 
geranium. 

The  raising  of  a  few  seedlings  in  a  sunny 
window  and  then  "pricking  them  out"  in 
your  early  spring  border  is  accompanied  by 
the  same  keen  sense  of  pleasure  that  comes 
from  the  use  of  creative  power,  and  has  the 
added  charm  of  mystery.  What  will  they 
develop  ? 

I  have  elsewhere  urged  the  educational 
influence  of  gardening  upon  children's  char- 
acters —  not  the  possession  of  tools  and  a 
patch  of  soil,  but  the  systematic  regular  care 
of  growing  things.  Most  earnestly  would 
I  plead  that  mind-weary,  heart-heavy  women 
would  try  the  effect  of  the  same  discipline 
upon  themselves.  Half-a-dozen  tea-roses, 
with  their  need  of  care,  their  many  enemies 
to  combat,  their  generous  return  of  blossom 
and   fragrance,  the  uncertainty  whether   they 

20S 


Home  Thoughts 


will  yield  a  constant  or  a  remittent  crop,  the 
delight  of  seeing  the  soft  bronze  leaves  swiftly 
develop  and  lay  bare  the  long  graceful  buds, 
will  drive  away  a  thousand  "  blue  devils," 
give  you  an  opportunity  to  bless  your  friends 
with  always  welcome  gifts,  and  strengthen 
your  faith  in  the  final  triumph  of  all  good 
things.  By  the  time  the  season  is  over,  you 
will  have  found  that  these  slender  bushes 
have  exercised  patience,  roused  both  hope 
and  fear,  awakened  joy,  and  given  birth  to  an 
almost  ludicrous  sense  of  satisfaction. 

The  languid  interest  which  books  arouse 
in  minds  enfeebled  by  pain  or  exhausted  by 
emotion  is  as  nothing  in  comparison  with  this 
health-giving  tonic  derived  from  gardening. 
One  reason  of  the  efficacy  of  the  employment 
arises  from  its  being  one  in  which  the  experi- 
menter can  work  alone.  There  are  phases 
of  human  experience  when  doing  things  in 
common,  even  with  our  very  dearest  friends, 
is  practically  impossible,  and  when  talking 
proves  more  exhausting  than  breaking  stones. 
One  cannot  be  lonely  in  a  garden  which  is 
ours  to  cultivate  and  watch   over.     The  lilies 

206 


Friendship  and  Consolation  of  a  Garden 

call  us  to  enjoy  their  stately  beauty;  the 
mignonette  draws  us  down  to  its  hardy,  faith- 
ful delicacy  by  such  a  caressing,  wooing 
appeal  ;  the  asters  bristle  and  hold  up  their 
smart  heads  like  bright  scholars  awaiting 
their  prizes  ;  the  heliotrope  turns  its  sun- 
loving  leaves  toward  the  heat  and  bids  us 
expect  a  rich  banquet  to  our  senses. 

We  can  hardly  keep  from  calling  them  by 
name  as  we  pass  them  in  review.  Some  have 
seemed  so  ungrateful,  some  so  perverse  ;  the 
fiendish  worms  and  devouring  armies  of  lar- 
vae-laying creatures  are  so  defiantly  hurtful, 
and  we  have  to  work  so  hard  to  save  life,  that 
we  find  ourselves  all  at  once  maternal  in  ten- 
derness, skilful  as  surgeons  and  patient  as 
nurses,  and  all  the  while  the  fresh  air  blows 
about  our  tired  temples,  and  the  wonder  of 
divine  order  and  beauty  unveils  itself,  and  we 
have  neither  heard  a  disturbing  word,  nor 
felt  a  touch  upon  the  ever  sore  spot  which 
mistaken  human  kindness  strives  to  soothe, 
nor  been  forced  to  say  what  we  did  not  mean, 
nor  hide  anything.     And  we  go  back  to  our 

chamber  with  the  spicy  flavor  of  the  geranium 

207 


Home  Thoughts 


clinging  to  our  fingers  and  the  sweet  breath 
of  a  rose  exhaling  from  the  bud  on  our  breast. 
If  it  be  that  we  have  only  taken  a  choking 
weed  from  its  rude  grasp  of  some  little  strug- 
gling plant,  we  have  saved  a  life  and  done 
some  good  in  our  little  world. 

Stately  and  lordly  gardens  are  indeed  gifts 
to  the  world  wherewith  rich  men  are  wise  to 
enrich  the  general  wealth  of  joy  meant  for 
mankind  ;  but  the  friendly  garden,  the  garden 
of  consolation,  is  better  to  be  small  and  not 
splendid  in  any  way.  All  the  sources  of  real 
happiness  in  our  lives  tell  the  same  story  : 
size,  greatness,  immensity,  numbers,  millions, 
are  not  the  foundation  stones.  "  A  poor 
thing,"  it  may  seem,  "  but  mine  own  "  ex- 
plains its  value,  and  Touchstone  was  truly  an 
expositor  of  human  happiness  when  he  took 
Audrey  by  the  hand.  A  hundred  books  well 
read  ;  half-a-dozen  pictures  dearly  prized  ;  a 
home  so  small  and  simple  that  love  can  com- 
pass its  necessities  ;  a  garden  that  lies  easily 
under  the  hand  of  its  owner  and  yields  its 
fruit  and  blossom  to  the  one  fostering  hand, 
are  worth   all    the  great  collections,  and  gal- 

208 


Friendship  and  Consolation  of  a  Garden 

leries,  and  palaces,  and  gardener-ruled  conser- 
vatories which  the  earth  can  boast,  I  do  not 
think,  there  is  a  greater  humiliation  than  find- 
ing that  your  head-gardener,  proud  of  his 
apprenticeship  at  Charlottenberg,  has  locked 
your  rose-house  and  taken  off  the  keys. 
Whose  roses  are  they  that  are  behind  the 
glass,  waiting  to  be  perfect  enough  to  be 
exhibited  ?  No  friendliness  and  tender  com- 
radeship to  be  thus  found.  For  the  joy  of 
the  thing,  a  border  in  a  back-yard  beside  a 
city  wall  is  worth  all  Chatsworth,  with  Kew 
Gardens  thrown  in. 

If  a  country  home  pertains  to  a  family,  and 
things  can  be  planned  to  become  permanent 
sources  of  delight,  and  recurring  springtimes 
show  that  trees  and  shrubs,  roses  and  lilacs, 
are  growing  as  the  children  grow,  then  friend- 
ship ripens  into  love,  and  the  nature  must 
indeed  be  stolid  that  does  not  enter  into  the 
life  of  its  faithful,  embowering  dependents. 
But  since  this  is  the  privilege  of  the  few,  let 
us  make  for  ourselves  a  bit  of  garden  every- 
where we  go,  even  if  our  limitations  reach  the 
narrowness  of  a  window-box. 
14  209 


Home  Thoughts 


In  those  days  of  penance  which  household 
or  personal  necessities  force  us  to  spend  oc- 
casionally in  the  city,  the  mere  sight  of  a 
geranium  in  a  tomato-can  on  a  fire-escape 
makes  one  feel  a  sense  of  relief  regarding  the 
poor  dwellers  in  the  tenements  past  which  the 
elevated  railways  carry  us  so  swiftly.  As  row 
after  row  of  dingy,  distressing-looking  win- 
dows disclose  the  dirt  and  poverty  within,  a 
sinking  sensation  of  deep  pity  enters  the 
heart.  But  when  a  glimpse  of  green  appears 
—  a  few  "  scarlet  runners  "  on  parti-colored 
strings  climbing  by  the  sash,  a  feeble  morn- 
ing-glory opening  its  blue  eyes  amid  the 
grime — it  always  heralds  better  things;  the 
baby  looking  out  is  pale,  but  clean ;  the  pane 
has  been  washed  ;  often  a  bit  of  white,  really 
white,  curtain  screens  the  interior  family-life 
from  the  passing  eyes.  The  blossoming  plant 
has  done  its  work,  and  there  is  an  attempt  to 
live  up  to  its  beauty. 

There  are  many  doors  thrown  open  to 
those  from  whom  the  present  joy  of  life 
seems  to  have  gone  out.  "See  here  and 
here,"   cry   the    voices   of   the   happy,  "  here 

2IO 


Friendship  and  Consolation  of  a  Garden 

you  will  be  amused  and  learn  to  forget ;  here 
you  will  find  diversion."  I  would  fain  open 
the  gate  of  a  garden  and  say  enter  where 
beauty  and  peace  dwell,  under  the  divine 
protection  of  Him  who  in  the  beginning,  we 
are  told,  chose  such  a  place  as  the  best  en- 
vironment in  which  man  and  his  consort 
could  dwell. 


211 


Home  Thoughts 


XXII 
MUSIC    AS    A    FAMILY     BOND 

THERE  is  an  interesting  and  very 
suggestive  picture  representing  Se- 
bastian Bach's  family  at  morning 
prayer,  in  which,  after  reading  the 
title,  one  looks  about  vainly  for  kneeling 
figures  and  books  of  devotion.  Bach  sits  at 
the  piano  playing,  but  his  head  is  turned 
toward  a  group  of  young  children,  who,  dressed 
in  very  quaint  little  costumes,  are  standing 
near  and  singing.  There  is  no  solemnity, 
though  manifest  sincerity,  in  the  scene.  They 
are  singing  as  naturally  as  the  birds  sing,  and 
it  is  evidently  a  part  of  their  lives.  Their 
"  prayer  "  is  just  an  outburst  of  earnest,  hearty 
song,  and  there  is  a  genuineness  in  their  whole 
aspect  which  makes  you  realize  that  to  them 
music  is  as  spontaneous  as  speech. 

Even  where  there  is  no  great  talent  in  any 
individual  member  of  a  family,  the  general 
education  of  its  members    to    sight    reading 

212 


Music  as  a  Family  Bond 


affords  room  for  very  great  pleasure,  and 
makes  a  bond  of  peculiar  strength  between 
them.  The  time  and  trouble  of  learning  an 
instrument  is  in  no  way  essential  to  this  result, 
though,  of  course,  everything  that  enriches 
the  concert  and  adds  variety  tends  to  increase 
its  value.  There  are  very  few  people  who 
have  not  voice  enough  to  sing  in  a  glee  or 
join  in  any  form  of  chorus,  and  the  cost  either 
in  money  or  in  time  spent  in  learning  to  do 
so  correctly  is  very  small.  And  who  shall 
measure  the  pleasure  ? 

The  mother  who  allows  her  music  to  be 
lost  in  the  busy  early  years  of  her  children's 
lives  deprives  them  of  a  great  source  of  hap- 
piness. Even  in  babyhood  the  little  face 
lights  up,  and  the  feet,  unable  to  stand,  kick 
joyfully  in  response  to  any  marked  rhythmic 
measure  vigorously  played.  Better  than  much 
applause  of  her  girlhood  is  the  unity  and 
sympathy  a  mother's  musical  ability  enkindles 
in  her  household.  The  half-romping  dance  at 
twilight,  when  the  "  children's  hour "  closes 
the  day  ;  the  jolly  reel  or  waltz  which  enlivens 
the  children's  party  ;  the  life  and  animation 

213 


Home  Thoughts 


which  come  into  the  school  or  college  boys' 
chorus  as  a  cheery  mother  plays  a  vigorous 
accompaniment  to  their  noisy  song,  makes 
her  one  of  them  at  once.  I  hardly  know  a 
prettier  picture  than  that  of  a  mother,  bearing 
the  inevitable  mark  of  the  years  through 
which  she  has  watched  over  and  borne  them 
on  her  heart,  sitting  among  her  boys  and  their 
friends,  full  of  ready  sympathy  with  their 
college  associations,  and  merrily  keeping  them 
in  time  and  tune  by  her  skilled  fingers. 
There  is  an  insensibly  refining  influence,  no 
matter  how  loud  the  chorus  or  how  noisy  the 
pattering  of  the  time-keeping  feet,  in  her 
gentle  presence  among  their  stalwart  young 
figures,  and  if  she  wins  the  commendation  of 
being  "a  jolly  little  mother,"  she  has  them  in 
thraldom.  If  the  music  rises  to  a  higher 
plane,  and  there  be  any  real  talent  or  true 
appreciation  among  the  youngsters,  then,  of 
course,  comes  in  the  added  aid  of  the  innate 
elevation  which  is  inherent  in  the  music  itself. 
Then  the  mother  has  a  help  at  hand  second 
only  to  those  which  are  directly  appertaining 
to  religion. 

214 


Music  as  a  Family  Bond 


Large  hospitality  is,  of  course,  of  immense 
use  in  keeping  our  children  at  home  and  away 
from  unknown  temptations,  and  if  young 
people  reahze  that  in  a  certain  house  they  can 
always  find  music,  that  they  will  be  encouraged 
to  learn  any  new  popular  song,  to  practise 
any  pet  chorus  from  the  last  comic  opera,  to 
dance,  if  they  so  desire,  to  the  well-played 
measure  of  their  favorite  waltz,  they  will 
surely  come  often  to  its  hospitable  doors, 
and  rank  their  welcome  among  their  chief 
pleasures. 

It  seems  to  me  a  great  injury  to  close  the 
piano  in  houses  where  sorrow  and  bereavement 
have  come.  Youth  cannot  long  grieve,  at 
least  healthful,  buoyant  youth,  and  there  is  no 
reason  to  wish  that  it  should,  and  a  silent 
house  is  never  a  wholesome  one  to  live  in. 

Where,  as  in  most  German  households,  the 
children  learn,  without  much  coercion  or 
trouble,  various  instruments,  the  lovely  en- 
semble Is  inspiring  to  every  one  and  the 
interest  unending;  but  in  our  country  the 
shorter,  easier  way  of  learning  to  sing  together 
and  to  be  able  to  read  new  music  correctly  is 

215 


Home  Thoughts 


the  more  practical  way  of  obtaining  unity  of 
purpose  and  action.  This  attainment  is  so 
easy  and  so  inexpensive  that  it  ought  to  be  a 
part  of  every  child's  education.  It  is  to  give 
him  a  life-long  source  of  delight. 

Part-singing  has  also  the  great  advantage 
of  being  an  amusement  in  which  both  sexes 
can  join  with  equal  pleasure,  and  brings  them 
together  under  the  happiest  and  most  inno- 
cent influences. 

And  to  the  tired  and  the  weary  elders,  a 
favorite  song,  or  a  wordless  poem  just  suited 
to  their  needs,  is  sometimes  more  efficacious 
as  a  comforter  and  rest  than  any  other  form 
of  relaxation.  The  old  dream  of  their  youth; 
the  man  too  tired  to  think  receives  a  refresh- 
ment akin  to  that  which  nature  gives ;  and 
the  sorrowful  are  soothed  as  they  cannot  be 
by  the  tenderest  human  speech. 

And  to  the  often  weary-hearted  wife  and 
mother,  carrying  unspoken  her  burden  of 
heavy  care  and  anxiety,  it  is  well  worth  while 
to  keep  up  her  music  for  her  own  sake.  In 
it  she  has  always  a  responsive  friend,  sad 
when  she  is  sad,  merry  when  she  is  merry, 

216 


Music  as  a  Family  Bond 


always  of  her  own  especial  mood.  It  is  al- 
ways ready  for  her  confidence,  and  is  a  friend 
who  never  betrays  it. 

Where  there  is  an  unmusical  temperament 
at  the  head  of  the  house  a  little  considera- 
tion is  likely  soon  to  awaken  his  interest  and 
eventually  his  liking.  The  man  who  can- 
not tell  what  charm  musical  people  find  in 
their  art,  yet  thoroughly  enjoys  seeing  his 
children  happy  and  lovingly  content  at  their 
own  fireside,  laughs  with  his  boys  when  "  Old 
Nassau"  or  "Fair  Harvard's"  charms  are 
vociferously  praised,  and  delights  in  seeing 
his  graceful  little  daughters  dance.  If  he 
is  not  bored  by  hours  of  piano  practice,  or 
forced  to  keep  silence  while  enigmatic  com- 
positions are  played  to  his  uncomprehending 
ears,  he  soon  learns  to  enjoy  what  draws  the 
young  people  about  him  and  keeps  his  home 
cheerful  and  content. 

In  older  and  sterner  days,  nearer  the  times 
of  Puritan  rule,  I  have  heard  men  object 
to  their  sons  learning  to  play  any  instrument 
or  to  cultivate  their  voices,  on  the  ground 
that    it    led    a    young  man   to    neglect  other 

21  7 


Home  Thoughts 


studies,  and  made  him  too  popular  with  the 
gayer  men  at  college  or  in  his  social  set. 
But  in  our  present-day  world  surely  that 
cannot  be  reasonably  urged,  since  the  ten- 
dencies of  men's  amusements  are  to  so  much 
more  absorbing  and  more  dangerous  forms 
of  social  gayety  that  there  can  be  no  ground 
for  the  old  objection.  The  glee  or  the  banjo 
clubs  happily  displace  poker  playing  and 
pool  contests. 

In  country  homes  musical  families  have 
great  advantages  over  those  in  whose  draw- 
ing-rooms the  closed  piano  is  only  an  im- 
portant piece  of  furniture.  Especially  is  this 
so  on  the  long  and  often  restless  Sundays. 
It  has  become  an  exception  to  find  any  ob- 
jection made  to  good  music  as  a  part  of  the 
rest  and  enjoyment  of  the  seventh  day,  and 
it  keeps  in  quiet  good  humor  many  a  young 
party  who  find  no  pleasure  in  reading  and 
miss  the  active  sports  of  the  week. 

Rubinstein  said  that  America  was  afflicted 
with  the  "  piano  disease,"  and  surely  he  was 
not  harsh  in  his  judgment.  With  an  intense 
love  for  and  belief  in  music  and  its  influence 

218 


Music  as  a  Family  Bond 


for  good  in  our  home  lives,  I  deprecate  most 
earnestly  the  universal  and  irrational  teach- 
ing of  the  piano  to  children  who  have  no 
talent.  They  need  not  spend  one  fourth  of 
their  study  hours  and  hundreds  of  dollars  in 
the  study  of  an  instrument  in  the  use  of 
which  they  will  never  excel,  in  order  to  gain 
a  knowledge  of  and  love  for  the  art  of  music. 
Half  the  time  and  a  tenth  of  the  money 
will  give  them  the  power  to  read  vocally  at 
sight,  and  teach  them  how  to  listen  to  music 
so  as  to  have  their  senses  gratified  and  their 
minds  alive  to  the  technical  beauty  of  what 
they  hear.  The  world  would  receive  a  great 
gift  of  enjoyment  if  it  became  a  part  of  our 
school  education  to  learn  what  was  beautiful 
and  noble  and  great  in  music.  Many  a 
weary  hour  of  hopeless  scale-playing  would 
be  happily,  nay  mercifully,  changed  into  the 
practical  demonstration  of  the  loveliness  of  an 
art  unattainable  by  the  pupils  to  whom  nature 
had  denied  the  gift  of  manual  expression. 

The  brief  time  needed  to  learn  the  notes 
of  the  keyboard  and  sufficient  facility  to  play 
simple  dances  and  accompaniments  is  doubt- 

219 


Home  Thoughts 


less  well  spent,  as  it  renders  any  young  per- 
son so  helpful  in  all  informal  gatherings ; 
but  to  try  to  make  a  "performer"  of  every 
young  girl  who  is  receiving  a  liberal  educa- 
tion, simply  because  it  is  a  recognized  accom- 
plishment, is  to  put  her  through  a  mild  form 
of  useless  torture  to  no  possible  end.  Give 
the  world  all  the  music  possible,  and  fit 
every  young  ear  and  heart  to  enjoy  it,  but 
do  not  hope  that  one  in  five  hundred  can 
play  a  Beethoven  sonata  becauses  she  prac- 
tises it.  It  is  a  recognized  fact  that  a  knowl- 
edge of  color  and  the  use  of  a  brush  cannot 
make  a  painter,  but  it  is  not  generally  ad- 
mitted that  it  takes  more  than  patience  and 
familiarity  with  the  keyboard  to  make  a 
pianist. 

Every  home  can  be  "  bound  about  with 
golden  chains"  of  music,  without  its  inmates 
attempting  to  be  virtuosi. 


220 


Responsibility  for  Influence 


XXIII 

RESPONSIBILITY     FOR 
INFLUENCE 

MISS  AGNES  REPPLIER'S 
very  clever  essay  on  the  "Eternal 
Feminine "  is  a  unique  contri- 
bution to  the  philosophical  dis- 
cussion of  the  qualifications  of  woman  as 
distinctly  intended  to  make  her  mentally 
correlative  and  never  synonymous  with  man. 
In  these  days  our  daughters  are  launched 
into  the  world  much  as  professional  men 
would  be  did  their  outfit  consist  of  text-books 
of  which  they  had  not  learned  the  use.  Every 
embellishment,  every  accomplishment,  every 
mental  equipment,  every  bodily  skill  of  ath- 
letic play,  is  sedulously  made  familiar  to  them  ; 
they  are  indeed  "  splendidly  furnished;  "  but 
to  how  few  is  it  taught  that  they  are  to  be  the 
strongest  restraining  and  purifying  power  of 
the  social  world  ! 

221 


Home  Thoughts 


No  one  can  shut  out  from  a  young  girl's 
consciousness  that  she  is  beautiful  if  the 
wondrous  gift  is  really  hers.  Why  should 
she  not  be  made  to  understand  that  having 
it,  she  has  been  intrusted  with  that  which  has 
had  power  to  move  even  the  rulers  and  king- 
doms of  the  earth,  and  that  in  the  lowest 
estimate  possible  of  her  influence  she  has  "  a 
government  upon  her  shoulders  "  ? 

We  of  a  generation  passing  out  of  sight 
say  constantly  that  the  world  is  richer  in  art 
and  splendor,  in  luxury  and  resource,  than 
when  we  were  young ;  we  know  that  life  is 
fuller,  that  things  we  never  dreamed  of  glad- 
den and  make  life  easier  materially  and  more 
worth  living  intellectually.  Yes,  these  are 
trite  truths,  but  no  thoughtful  woman  believes 
that  the  general  aim  is  as  elevating,  as  conser- 
vative, that  the  influence  against  dissipation 
and  the  coarser  grain  of  life's  converse  and 
action  is  as  large,  or  as  strong,  as  it  was  in 
their  young  day.  There  is  no  desire  to  bring 
back  the  formality  and  stilted  stiffness  of  Miss 
Austen's  heroes  and  heroines  ;  it  takes  all  her 
charm  of  genius  and    humor  to  make  them 

222 


Responsibility  for  Influence 

real  men  and  women  to  us.  But  between 
these  and  the  unfortunate  freedom  of  to-day 
there  was  a  time  when  the  homage  paid  to 
loveliness  and  youth  and  beauty  meant  that  a 
man  should  come  with  clean  lips,  chivalric 
deference,  and  restrained  speech  into  the 
society  of  women  he  admired. 

Can  there  be  a  doubt  that  if  it  were  a  part 
of  every  girl's  preparation  for  her  life  in  the 
world  to  understand  that  she  could  help  men 
to  lead  better  lives,  to  have  higher  aims,  to 
think  nobler  thoughts,  she  would  not  respond 
to  her  calling,  and  be  proud  of  her  possibili- 
ties? Continually  girls  are  warned  that  this 
is  not  customary,  and  that  is  not  good  form, 
and  that  chaperones  and  various  conventional 
proprieties  are  indispensable ;  but  is  it  in- 
stilled into  them  that  far  above  conventions 
of  every  sort  there  is  an  unwritten  law  to 
which  they  are  bound  to  be  obedient,  a  law  that 
is  to  link  the  better  life  with  their  regard  ? 

Benevolence  and  philanthropy  are  at  high- 
water  mark ;  humanitarian  activity  is  really 
astonishing   among  women.      Their  work    is 

a  marvel  of  unselfishness,  and,  for  the  major 

223 


Home  Thoughts 


part,  of  steadfastness  to  self-imposed  duty. 
Tenement-house  darkness  and  dirt,  danger 
of  infection  or  rudeness,  fatigue  of  body,  or 
tax  upon  sympathy,  do  not  disturb  them  at 
their  work.  *'  What  the  girls  are  doing  "  is 
indeed  an  astonishing  record,  but  it  is  all 
directed  toward  a  lower  stratum,  and  in  large 
part  to  the  relief  of  poverty  and  its  attendant 
distresses. 

That  because  she  is  a  woman,  and  more 
especially  because  she  is  either  a  very  beau- 
tiful or  charming  woman,  she  has  a  mission 
attached  to  her  endowment  does  not  seem  to 
be  one  of  the  actively  accepted  beliefs  of  the 
new  era.  All  sorts  of  schemes,  some  of  them 
built  on  most  untenable  and  baseless  grounds, 
are  aired  in  every  varying  atmosphere  by 
which  women  are  to  help  each  other  to  power, 
to  "  recognition "  (word  of  truly  nineteenth 
century  growth)  ;  every  day  brings  to  light 
new  combinations  by  which,  shoulder  to 
shoulder,  women  are  to  fight  for  "rights," 
or  wrangle  for  privilege  and  make  endless 
endeavor  to  come  into  the  arena  with  men 
and  "  fight  it  out." 

224 


Responsibility  for  Influence 

All  this  time,  lying  neglected  and  forgotten 
alike  by  those  whom  we  call  the  "  butterfly 
class"  and  by  the  women  who  are  too 
"  deadly  in  earnest  "  to  pause  to  take  breath, 
lies  that  great  purpose  of  the  God  who  created 
them,  that  their  inalienable  power  should  be 
used  for  the  help  of  men  of  their  own  rank 
and  sphere. 

"  Eternal "  indeed  is  that  other  something, 
not  of  intellect,  or  fascination,  or  beauty,  which 
is  the  feminine  element  in  her  nature,  and 
toward  which  man  turns  for  inspiration  of 
better  things.  Chaff  about  lack  of  reasoning 
and  reasonableness,  about  the  exaltation  of 
trifles  and  trivial  interests,  about  the  soothing 
of  a  grief  with  a  new  bonnet,  and  the  putting 
out  of  wrathful  fires  with  a  check,  has  its  basis 
of  truth  ;  there  is  enough  such  fire  in  human 
homes  to  account  for  the  smoke.  But  let 
evidences  of  puerility  and  untrained  impulse 
pile  up  as  they  may,  man's  heart  turns  to 
woman  for  rest,  counsel,  uplifting  appeal,  and 
stirring  incentive  to  come  out  of  the  mire  and 
walk  in  ways  made  firm  by  truth  and  clean  by 
purity  and  single-heartedness. 
IS  225 


Home  Thoughts 


Words  may  multiply  concerning  the  exac- 
tions, the  biassed  judgments,  the  unseeing 
persistence  of  wives  and  mothers,  and  much 
bitterness  may  point  their  analysis  of  femi- 
nine character  among  young  men  wounded 
by  coquetry  or  maimed  by  the  falseness  of  a 
flirt ;  but  in  the  end,  as  surely  as  the  sea 
obeys  its  ordained  ebb  and  flow,  and  comes 
back  true  to  the  beach  it  has  some  time  left 
bare,  man's  heart  rests  not  until,  in  some  of 
its  varying  relations,  as  mother,  wife,  or  love, 
he  finds  the  strongest  influence  of  his  nature 
through  a  woman's  help. 

One  of  the  ways  in  which  this  influence  is 
profaned  in  these  last  days  of  our  strange, 
transforming  century,  is  the  liberty  of  con- 
versation. Weary  of  the  morning's  skim- 
ming of  the  journals  of  the  day,  in  which  to 
do  evil  seems  to  be  the  allotted  task  of  all 
humanity,  a  man  finds  the  latest  horror  the 
subject  of  the  family  chat  on  his  return  to 
his  home.  There  is  no  effort  made,  no 
trouble  taken  to  keep  one  place,  one  hour  of 
the  day  free  from  the  wretchedness  of  the 
world's  sin  and  misery.     The  room  must  be 

226 


Responsibility  for  Influence 

well  ventilated  ;  a  pure  air,  full  of  healthful 
oxygen,  must  be  free  to  vitalize  the  blood : 
but  for  the  mental  atmosphere,  what  occu- 
pies the  thronged  city,  and  stirs  the  passions 
and  horrors  of  men,  may  suffice  without 
disapproval. 

"  Ignorance  is  not  innocence,"  nor  yet  is 
the  knowledge  of  evil,  which  no  man  can 
hinder,  possibly  to  be  confounded  with  loss 
of  sensitive  delicacy  and  clear-eyed  purity 
of  thought ;  but  the  general  discussion  of 
subjects  involving  the  analysis  of  crime  and 
the  questions  of  morality,  common  to  present 
society,  lowers  the  tone  of  all  concerned. 

It  has  been  the  writer's  personal  experience 
during  the  past  year  to  hear  animated  argu- 
ments at  a  public  table,  between  young 
married  and  unmarried  men  and  women,  of 
excellent  social  standing,  as  to  the  morality 
or  immorality  of  books  and  plays  involving 
the  deepest  questions  of  life  and  the  relations 
of  the  sexes. 

"The  'jeune  fille'isa  forgotten  person- 
age. There  is  no  longer  any  one  answering 
to   her  whom   the    French  so   called,"  said  a 

227 


Home  Thoughts 


woman  of  the  world  to  me.  Perhaps  society 
is  not  impoverished  by  the  loss  of  her,  who, 
being  a  woman  in  years,  was  allowed  to  be  a 
child  in  simplicity.  Yet  it  would  be  refresh- 
ing occasionally,  to  old  eyes  at  least,  to  be  in 
'  the  company  of  one  whose  trust  in  honor 
and  sincerity  was  without  fear,  who  knew  not 
the  terrors  and  pitfalls  of  life,  and  who  had 
yet  the  lost  art  of  blushing  in  her  gentle  list 
of  accomplishments. 

Years  ago,  a  young  matron  heading  her 
own  table,  around  which  a  very  "  swell "  set 
of  men  were  gathered,  was  startled  by  the 
loud  statement  of  her  guest  of  honor  that 
he  had  spent  the  day  in  the  court-room 
where  a  scandalous  divorce  case,  involving 
the  honor  of  a  distinguished  man  and  a 
hitherto  much-loved  woman,  was  then  being 
tried.  The  hostess  caught,  in  the  uplifted 
voice  and  preparatory  clearing  the  throat, 
her  guest's  intention  to  narrate  what  he  had 
seen  and  heard.  She  gave  a  startled  glance 
toward  her  husband,  whose  answering  look 
was  one  of  serious  annoyance,  and  then,  with 
all    the    courteous    entreaty    of  a    voice    too 

228 


Responsibility  for  Influence 

pleading  to  be  offensive,  she  said :  "  Forgive 
me,  General,  but  it  is  sorrowful  enough  to 
know  it  is  going  on  ;  please  don't  talk  ot  it." 

Though  robbed  of  his  proposed  position 
of  authorized  reporter,  and  falling  back  to 
the  common  level  of  conversation,  the  Gen- 
eral, with  a  new  deference  in  his  manner, 
said :  "  I  beg  your  pardon ;  1  forgot  that 
you  might  not  be  interested." 

A  quick-witted  woman  need  never  be  at 
a  loss  for  the  means  by  which  to  carry  the 
conversation  into  whatsoever  channel  she 
will ;  no  gentlewoman  need  fear  that  she 
will  not  gain  personally  as  well  as  do  good 
by  a  steadfast  resistance  of  the  drift  of  un- 
wholesome talk  in  her  house,  and  especially 
about  her  table.  And  though  a  young  girl 
may  find  herself  in  an  uncomfortable  dilemma, 
being  harassed  by  dread  of  appearing  to  put 
on  "  superior  airs,"  she  will  in  the  end  have 
achieved  something  for  herself,  something 
for  her  fellow-women,  and  much  for  the 
young  men  about  her,  by  plainly  and  defi- 
nitely   showing    her    displeasure    when    it    is 

deserved. 

229 


Home  Thoughts 


A  revolutionizing  power  as  to  all  that 
changes  the  "  order  of  our  day  "  lies  in  femi- 
nine hands,  through  the  use  of  what  is  dis- 
tinctively hers.  Through  no  other  means 
can  amusement  be  kept  within  bounds,  com- 
pliment be  repressed  into  more  delicate  ex- 
pression, conversation  be  led  into  higher  yet 
not  less  lively  channels,  and  men  be  made  to 
know  that  to  win  favors  they  must  wear  the 
tokens  of  knightly  purity  and  courage.  It  is 
not  through  her  strong  arm,  nor  her  mathe- 
matical honors,  nor  her  admittance  to  the 
bar,  that  a  woman  can  elevate  her  race ;  by 
her  adherence  to  the  true,  the  spiritual,  and 
the  uplifting,  will  she  make  a  refuge  for  the 
men  of  her  time. 


230 


The  Education  of  the  Citizen 


XXIV 

THE     EDUCATION     OF    THE 
CITIZEN 

THE  instability  of  public  opinion, 
and  the  vehement  outbursts  of  crude 
ill-considered  speech  which  we  are 
growing  more  and  more  subject  to 
with  every  added  year  of  our  country's  exist- 
ence, are  evidences  which  cannot  be  misunder- 
stood of  the  ignorance  of  the  mass  of  our 
citizens  regarding  both  the  fundamental  prin- 
ciples underlying  our  government  and  of  the 
personal  obligation  laid  on  us  to  uphold  them. 
We,  and  especially  we  women,  if  interested  in 
public  events  and  changes,  talk  very  warmly 
and  fluently  about  "  our  country  and  other 
countries,"  yet  fail  to  grasp  the  important  and 
irreconcilable  difference  between  the  relations 
of  the  governed  to  the  government,  in  a 
monarchical  country  and  our  own. 

While    we    women    of  the    United    States 
have  at  present  little  desire  to  thrust  ourselves 

231 


Home  Thoughts 


into  the  arena  of  poHtical  strife  and  contro- 
versy, and  no  wish  to  emulate  those  famous 
disturbers  of  the  public  peace  for  whom 
blood-stained  France  created  the  title  of 
"  Citizeness,"  we  are  yet  gravely  responsible 
for  the  guiding  of  our  children's  minds  and  for 
the  unfolding  to  them  of  their  duty  toward 
their  country.  We  are  false  to  the  charge, 
intrusted  to  us  as  a  birthright,  and  both  dis- 
tinctly unfair  to  and  negligent  of  our  sons  and 
daughters  if  they  reach  maturity  without  a 
clear  knowledge  of  those  things  which  make 
them  to  differ  from  the  youth  of  foreign  lands. 
In  monarchies,  where  class  distinctions  are 
integral  and  defined,  and  where  every  infant 
begins  to  breathe  an  air  which  is  its  own  by 
long  inheritance,  and  not  at  all  the  atmosphere 
of  the  state  above  or  below  it,  tradition,  cus- 
tom, inflexible  usuage  hem  it  in.  Except  in 
the  rare  instances  of  men  born  to  be  heroes  or 
leaders,  the  child  has  a  path  hedged  in  for 
him.  If  he  errs,  his  class  may  upbraid,  his 
social  stratum  may  stare  and  reproach,  but 
his  country,  the  trend  and  formative  action  of 
his  native  land,  is  little  influenced. 

232 


The  Education  of  the  Citizen 

With  us,  distinctly  in  opposition  to  this 
state  of  affairs,  the  boy  born  not  only  in 
poverty,  but  amid  rude  surroundings  almost 
devoid  of  civilization,  may  emerge  with  a 
marvellous  aspiring  growth,  until  he  takes 
into  his  strong  hands  the  reins  of  government 
and  alters  the  destiny  of  his  people.  The 
child  of  a  citizen  of  the  United  States  ought 
to  understand  from  the  time  he  can  wave  his 
toy  flag  from  his  nursery  window,  that  he 
loves  his  country  not  because  he  chances  to 
have  been  born  there,  but  because  it  is  his 
individual  possession  which  he  cannot  fail  to 
injure  or  improve,  and  that  he  holds  one 
element  of  its  greatness  or  failure  in  his  own 
keeping. 

Reading  Lincoln's  life  as  a  typical  career, 
a  sort  of  awe  creeps  over  any  thoughful 
mother's  heart.  Here  was  one  of  the  clearest, 
simplest  cases,  what  a  scientist  or  surgeon 
would  call  a  demonstration  of  a  startling  fact. 
It  was  only  the  grasping  by  a  specially 
endowed  nature  of  the  opportunity  ofl^ered 
to  every  child  in  our  borders,  whose  thoughts 
should   turn  determinately  toward   the  possi- 

233 


Home  Thoughts 


bilities  in  the  life  of  a  citizen  of  the  United 
States.  Had  there  been  no  civil  war,  no  great 
questions  of  armies  or  manumission  of  slaves, 
this  gaunt,  semi-civilized  nature  would  have 
been  made  famous  in  the  annals  of  his  country 
simply  by  the  ardor  of  his  love  for  it,  the  in- 
tensity of  his  convictions,  and  his  crystal-like 
clearness  of  conception  of  the  responsibility  of 
republican  manhood.  He  would  have  had  to 
achieve  something  great  by  the  force  that  was 
inherent  in  him  and  his  absolute  faith  in  the 
duty  of  a  citizen  to  use  the  power  received  by 
birthright. 

What  is  to  prevent  your  son,  or  my  son, 
equipped  after  such  different  fashion,  with 
mind  well  stored,  with  mental  capacity  trained 
and  disciplined,  with  enlightenment  too  great 
to  leave  superstition  a  foothold,  with  the  body 
of  an  athlete,  and  the  civilization  of  the  ages 
for  a  guide,  from  being  a  standard-bearer  to 
his  people  and  upholding  the  great  theories 
of  freedom  and  unselfish  honor  for  which  his 
forefathers  died  ? 

Simply  this,  my  sisters,  he  has  neither  the 
desire  nor  the  ambition  to  be  a  defender  of 

234 


The  Education  of  the  Citizen 

the  republic's  faith,  nor  does  it  trouble  him 
enough  to  rouse  a  vigorous  thought  what 
destructive  changes  undermine  the  state,  so 
that  stocks  do  not  fluctuate,  commerce  is 
active,  wealth  flows  in,  and  his  life  of  easy 
idleness  or  well  paid  work,  feels  no  shock. 

The  outer  surface,  the  polishing  of  the 
smooth  way,  the  absorption  of  such  habits 
and  customs  as  minimize  fatigue,  keep  social 
serenity  from  abrasion,  and  beautify  selfish, 
self-absorbed  life,  is  what  our  children  seek 
and  crave.  They  may  —  nay,  have  —  be- 
come famous  on  every  sea  for  their  swift 
pleasure  boats,  in  every  mart  of  the  world  for 
their  wares,  in  every  court  in  Christendom 
for  their  eager  push  for  title  and  insignia  of 
rank.  What  have  they  to  do  with  the  main- 
tenance of  the  simple  dignity  of  republican 
citizenship  ?  It  is  of  inexpressible  impor- 
tance to  our  daughters  that  they,  wearing  the 
tokens  of  foreign  rank,  should  make  their 
courtesies  in  due  form  in  regal  presences ;  it 
is  of  primal  value  to  our  sons  that  they  have 
the  entree  to  aristocratic  English  clubs,  and 
belong  to  a  score  of  expensive   organizations 

235 


Home  Thoughts 


formed  for  whiling  away  unemployed  time 
and  expending  too  easily  obtained  wealth. 
This  is  not  too  harsh  an  outline  of  our  newly 
developed  social  class,  who  have  inherited 
fortune  without  that  balancing  weight  of  re- 
sponsibility which  comes  with  such  inheri- 
tances in  monarchical  countries.  This  is  a 
very  reasonable  detail  of  desire  among  that 
class  of  our  citizens  who  "  cannot  tell  their 
exact  incomes  by  perhaps  five  or  ten  millions 
per  annum  "  ! 

And  side  by  side  with  these,  stand  those 
whose  overmastering  effort  is  to  obtain  simi- 
lar immunity  from  the  restraints  of  any 
professional  or  other  labor,  and  the  attain- 
ment of  a  share  in  the  nearest  possible  degree 
of  this  luxury.  "  Not  this,  but  something 
greater,  larger,  richer,  grander,  more  princely 
than  we  possessed  last  year."  In  how  many 
such  homes  are  the  foundation  laws  of  our  re- 
public rehearsed  in  the  ears  of  the  children  ? 
How  many  fathers  and  mothers  instil  in  their 
sons'  hearts,  and  reiterate  in  their  daily  teach- 
ing, that  there  is  a  fair  heritage  left  to  them 
to    protect,  over   which    they   are    bound    to 

236 


The  Education  of  the  Citizen 

watch,   where  there   is   no   rightful   place   for 
these  transplanted  splendors  ? 

There  is  literally  next  to  no  effort  made  to 
inspire  interest  in  the  development  of  our 
resources,  no  trouble  is  taken  to  educate 
this  fast  coming  generation  on  such  great 
topics  as  the  status  of  immigrants,  the  grant- 
ing of  the  right  to  vote,  the  honor  of  fair 
elections,  the  extreme  value  of  national  credit. 
Not  once  in  a  hundred,  it  were  safe  to  say- 
not  once  in  a  thousand  times,  is  it  the  happy 
lot  of  a  boy  to  be  informed  by  his  parents 
as  to  his  constitutional  rights,  much  less 
about  his  personal  responsibility  as  a  pro- 
tector of  his  country. 

If  we  could  make,  by  faithful  teaching, 
such  impression  upon  our  children  as  to 
force  a  realization  of  their  individual  impor- 
tance as  citizens,  and  excite  a  longing  in 
our  boys'  minds  to  use  their  power  aright, 
surely  it  would  bear  large  fruit.  If  they 
could  learn  that  here  it  is  not  what  Lords  or 
Commons,  this  class  or  that  class,  do  and 
believe  that  insures  the  righteousness  of  law, 
the  unsullied    honor    and    the   normal,   mag- 

237 


Home  Thoughts 


nificent  development  of  their  country,  but 
the  acts,  and  opinions,  and  votes  of  the  sepa- 
rate individual  man,  there  must  result  a  final 
purity  in  politics,  a  future  honesty  of  legisla- 
tion, a  reasonable  and  decent  decorum  in 
the  passage  of  acts  of  government  bearing 
on  the  whole  nation. 

There  is  something  lost,  a  great  and  en- 
nobling influence  thrown  away,  when  a  whole 
generation  is  left,  as  is  that  now  maturing, 
devoid  of  all  sense  of  individual  duty  in  the 
government.  Cannot  any  intelligent  boy  be 
made  to  feel  a  keen  interest  in  such  a  ques- 
tion, for  instance,  as  the  future  status  of  the 
colored  race  or  of  the  Indians?  Can  he  not 
be  ready  to  see  the  right  and  wrong  of  any 
public  measure  under  present  discussion,  and 
acquire  a  clear  understanding  that  his  atti- 
tude, his  speech,  his  vote,  will  be  of  vital  use 
in  preventing  wrong  and  insuring  justice  ? 

All  that  is  lacking  is  conviction,  to  make 
all  our  young  people  eager  to  do  their  share 
in  keeping  the  right  in  its  place  and  guard- 
ing the  national  fold  from  those  who  would 
climb  over  the  wall  to  rob  and  destroy.      If 

238 


The  Education  of  the  Citizen 

we  could  reach  a  point  of  advancement  from 
whence  our  sons  would  be  eager  for  seats 
in  Congress,  not  to  get  their  hands  into  the 
public  treasury,  or  grasp  some  national  gift 
for  a  particular  state,  but  in  order  that  they 
might  act  as  sentries  on  the  lookout  for  foes 
and  dangers  to  the  commonwealth  and  stand 
as  protectors  of  those  rights  which  have  as 
their  chief  glory  that  they  are  common  to 
all  men,  we  might  challenge  the  world,  with 
a  smile  of  assurance,  to  find  a  blot  on  our 
national   'scutcheon. 

If  our  daughters  could,  by  any  aid  of  ex- 
ample or  persuasion,  be  made  to  see  that  their 
greed  of  money  and  luxury  is  like  the  gnaw- 
ing of  a  destructive  force  upon  the  strong 
sound  foundation  which  made  them,  as  women 
of  the  United  States,  of  greater  importance  in 
the  national  economy  than  are  the  women  of 
any  other  country,  would  it  not  help  to  mul- 
tiply homes  in  which  culture  stood  before 
splendor,  and  refined  dignity  held  higher  place 
than  display  of  wealth  ? 

If  they  could  discern  that  to  be  a  typical 
lady  of  the  republic  required  that  a  woman 

239 


Home  Thoughts 


should  be  finer  than  her  apparel,  and  that 
her  charm  should  lie  in  herself,  as  repre- 
sentative of  a  nation  whose  aim  is  to  equal- 
ize God's  gifts,  not  grasp  them  for  our  own 
embellishment,  would  there  not  be  a  hope  of 
a  new  birth  of  loveliness  at  our  firesides 
and  an  increase  of  blessing  among  those  who 
suffer  ? 

The  old  chivalric  cry  was,  "  Noblesse 
oblige";  with  us  an  equally  inspiring  and 
more  widely  obligatory  motive  belongs  to 
each  and  every  one  of  us.  We  are  either  one 
thing  or  the  other,  with  little  chance  of  being 
misunderstood  ;  we  are  clearly  only  greedy 
inhabitants  of  a  rich  land,  concerned  for 
nothing  but  our  individual  gain,  and  willing 
to  let  her  pose  as  the  unskilled  imitator  of 
alien  social  conditions,  or  we  stand  first  and 
last  as  proud  conservators  of  that  renovated 
civilization  which  took  for  its  watchword, 
*'  A  man  shall  not  live  unto  himself  alone." 

If  we  could  bring  into  our  children's  minds 
interest  and  eagerness  enough  to  have  them 
distinctly  formulate  wishes  concerning  their 
country's  attitude  toward  the  world,  and  the 

240 


The  Education  of  the  Citizen 

progress  and  elevation  of  mankind,  we  would 
have  done  her  good  service.  If  we  could 
bring  our  boys  to  the  point  where  they  were 
anxious  to  use  their  right  as  free  citizens  to 
vote  for  any  measure  of  national  good,  we 
would  have  given  her  what  is  of  more  worth 
than  a  thousand  regiments  of  bayonets.  If 
we  could,  as  households,  do  honor  to  our 
country  by  living  according  to  its  distinc- 
tive principles,  rather  than  by  a  display  of  its 
national  resources,  we  and  our  children  would 
better  deserve  our  privileges  as  descendants 
of  the  founders  of  the  repubhc. 


16  241 


Home  Thoughts 


XXV 

COMRADESHIP    OF    HUS- 
BANDS   AND    WIVES 

THIS  phase  of  married  life  is  rarely 
regarded  with  a  just  estimation  of 
its  importance.  One  looks  with 
deep  regret  at  the  lives  which  are 
thus  robbed  of  great  delight,  and  prophesies 
very  prosaic,  if  not  more  unhappy,  endings 
of  the  long  partnership,  when  the  first  flush 
of  young  love's  enthusiasm  is  superseded  by 
a  mere  division  of  the  necessary  household 
cares  and  family  responsibilities. 

As  the  husband  goes  "  forth  to  his  labor  " 
too  commonly  the  last  words  are  :  "  Remem- 
ber to  get  this  or  attend  to  that,"  and,  already 
full  of  anxious  thought  of  his  day's  work,  his 
parting  ideas  of  wife  and  home  are  solely  of 
added  care.  When  he  returns,  too  often  the 
mutual  part  of  their  conversation  turns  only 
on  the  vexations  or  trivial  details  of  the  family 
routine  and  there  ends.     He  has  left  a  busi- 

242 


Comradeship  of  Husbands  and  Wives 

ness  partner  behind  him ;  he  finds  another 
awaiting  him.  Naturally  his  mind  will  seek 
diversion  elsewhere,  or  look  for  rest  in  the 
silent  companionship  of  his  cigar  in  a  solitary 
corner. 

A  husband's  "  fads  "  are  often  most  per- 
plexing trials  to  a  wife.  What  can  he  find  to 
interest  him  in  these  incomprehensible  things, 
is  a  frequent  query.  Really  these  interests 
are  of  inestimable  value  to  him.  It  is  a  great 
blessing  to  any  tired  man  to  have  a  "  hobby," 
and  his  wife  should  be  earnestly  glad  of  the 
recreation  it  gives  his  mind  or  the  strength  it 
imparts  to  his  body.  True,  it  takes  great 
sympathy  with  her  husband  (the  true  appli- 
cation of  the  radical  meaning  of  this  rare  qual- 
ity) for  her  to  find  her  interest  and  joy  in  his, 
when,  perhaps,  he  spends  all  his  leisure  time 
for  a  week  in  preparing,  as  Ruskin  says,  to 
"  go  out  and  kill  something."  But  if  all  these 
examinations  of  guns  and  cartridges,  these 
sudden  demands  for  mislaid  hunting  caps  and 
hidden  boots,  lend  zest  to  all  these  hours  ;  if 
his  eye  kindles  and  his  step  grows  active,  it  is 
well  for  her  to  stop  wondering  why  it  pleases 

243 


Home  Thoughts 


him,  and  give  her  best  energies  to  being  very 
glad  of  this  diversion  to  his  thoughts,  and 
share  his  searches,  and  forget  her  annoyance 
at  the  wide-spread  confusion  he  creates  in  the 
realization  of  the  healthful  result. 

Sometimes  the  "  hobby  "  rides  in  quite 
another  path  :  he  is  a  fancier  of  costly  bind- 
ings and  rare  editions,  while  the  drawing- 
room  needs  a  new  rug  and  the  house  wants 
paint.  Nothing  is  insignificant  if  it  diverts 
him  from  the  state  of  the  market,  the  points 
of  his  difficult  brief,  or  the  destructive  routine 
of  whatever  his  profession  or  business  may 
be.  Learn  the  value  of  the  seemingly  useless 
things  that  are  dear  to  him,  make  yourself 
like  them  and  share  his  pleasure,  or  if  that  is 
impossible,  take  your  part  in  it  by  entering 
into  his  gratification  as  good  for  him  and 
therefore  surely  good  for  you. 

A  death-blow  to  married  good-fellowship 
comes  surely  to  the  wife  who  persistently 
antagonizes  her  husband's  natural  tastes  and 
inclinations  and  urges  him  to  take  his  pleas- 
ures in  her  way.     To   argue  and  insist   and 

perseveringly  to  ask  for  reasons,  simply  puts 

244 


Comradeship  of  Husbands  and  Wives 

her  outside  of  his  happiest  hours  and  shuts 
the  gate  against  her  of  the  place  where  he 
acts  spontaneously  and  freely  as  he  likes. 
No  measure  can  take  the  dimensions  of  the 
loss  she  has  so  incurred. 

Every  common  interest  the  wife  can  grasp, 
outside  of  those  to  which  family  care  is  a  part, 
is  a  buttress  against  a  weakening  of  that  too 
often  transient  intercourse  which  in  honey- 
moon days  makes  the  husband  delight  him- 
self in  being  always  in  his  wife's  society.  It 
is  better  worth  while  to  cultivate  a  knowledge 
of  anvthing  and  everything  that  interests  him 
than  it  was  in  the  beginning  to  wear  his 
favorite  dress  and  sing  his  pet  songs.  You 
may  cling  to  him  with  every  fibre  of  a  de- 
voted heart,  and  seek  only  his  good  in  all 
you  do  ;  and  yet,  if  you  cannot  see  with  his 
eyes,  and  hear  with  his  ears,  but  foolishly  try 
to  make  him  happy  by  perpetually  endeavor- 
ing to  draw  him  away  from  his  favorite 
pursuits  and  accept  your  ideas  of  rest  and 
enjoyment,  your  labor  is  in  vain,  and  your 
husband  will  never  say  of  you  :  "  Thou  art 
my  rest."  '-     ' 

•245 


Home  Thoughts 


It  seems  an  arbitrary  rule,  and  one  which 
does  not  work  both  ways  ;  yet  deeper  thought 
discovers  a  strong  and  beautiful  reason  for  its 
existence.  Your  feminine  nature,  which  bears 
its  burdens  of  maternity  and  all  the  multitude 
of  duties  by  which  we  grow  strong,  is  not 
mated  to  its  facsimile  ;  your  husband  is  that 
stronger,  different,  masculine  personality, 
without  which  your  existence  would  be  in- 
complete. You  do  not  want  to  lean  upon 
and  look  up  to  a  reproduction  of  yourself, 
and  your  share  of  the  perfect  union  is  to  find 
out  and  fit  into  your  life  the  pursuits  and 
tastes  which  make  him  different  from  you. 

Oh,   that   it  were   possible   to  exterminate^ 
nagging   from   domestic  life  !     So  often  with 
the   most   loving   intentions   a   wife   alienates 
and  irritates,  even  bitterly  wounds,  the  hus- 
band she  half  worships,  by  persistent  remon- 
strances or  entreaty,  or  by  starting  every  day 
a  fresh  argument  on  the  same  theme.     Half    , 
the  time  it  is  wholly  concerning  what  is  sup- 
posed to  be  either  for  his  good  or  his  chil-    , 
dren's ;    but    the    wife    cannot    give    up    her  7 
point.     All  the  symbolic  facts  in  nature,  the 

246 


Comradeship  of  Husbands  and  Wives 

drop  of  water  that  wears  away  the  stone,  the 
mouse  that  gnaws  the  rope,  the  crevice  that 
becomes  the  chasm,  are  weak  illustrations  of 
the  fatal  result  of  these  arguments  upon  mar- 
ried comradeship  and  good  fellowship.  "  As 
the  climbing  up  a  sandy  way  is  to  the  feet  of 
the  aged,  so  is  a  wife  full  of  words  to  a  quiet 
man."  Wise,  indeed,  was  the  old  philosopher 
who  found  this  quaint  similitude  ;  one  sees 
the  crumbling  sand  slide  and  fall  back,  and 
ever  draw  the  woman  of  many  arguments 
away  from   her  goal. 

There  is  also  a  deep  place  of  unity  in  the 
wifely  understanding  of  the  immense  impor- 
tance and  honorable  responsibilities  of  her 
husband's  business.  It  seems  so  hard  to  see 
strength  give  way,  youth  fade,  and  illness 
threaten  under  the  bondage  of  a  tyrannous 
profession  or  an  absorbing  business.  To  so 
order  your  living  that  you  are  sure  that  he  is 
not  dying  that  you  may  live  luxuriously  is  the 
only  help  you  can  give.  To  inveigh  against 
his  absorption,  to  entreat  him  to  let  go  what 
he  has  promised  to  perform,  to  fret  and 
worry    him   through   his  few   hours  at  home, 

247 


Home  Thoughts 


can  do  no  good,  and  sets  you  in  the  midst  of 
the  turmoil  already  in  possession  of  his  tired 
mind.  This  sort  of  thing  makes  men  treat 
their  wives  as  if  they  were  unreasonable 
children,  and  lowers  the  equality  of  the 
matrimonial  partnership. 

When  you  are  watching  with  an  aching 
heart  the  multiplying  gray  hairs  and  lines  of 
care  ;  when  you  see  with  grief  the  power  of 
enjoyment  growing  weak,  —  keep  your  trouble 
in  the  deep  of  your  heart ;  let  your  demands 
be  few,  and  let  his  home  be  his  peace.  Fight 
out  the  battles  of  your  own  realm  without 
disturbing  him  with  the  details ;  struggle 
through  your  vexations  in  silence,  but  give  to 
him  a  serene  atmosphere,  a  welcoming  smile, 
a  cheerful  response,  a  patient  endurance,  until, 
when  the  strain  is  over,  you  can  perhaps  find 
the  right  time  to  tenderly  point  out  the  dan- 
gers of  the  way.  Doubtless  an  aching  head, 
a  confused  memory,  and  a  dulled  perception 
have  told  it  all  to  him  most  vividly  already. 
From  you  he  wants  comfort  and  rest,  diver- 
sion from  himself,  the  tonic  of  new  thoughts, 

and  pleasant  change. 

248 


Comradeship  of  Husbands  and  Wives 

The  glow  and  fervor  of  a  husband's  all- 
else-forgetting  devotion  in  early  married  life 
cannot  remain  ;  the  man  must  labor,  and 
added  responsibility  takes  stern  thought ;  but 
the  tenderness  which  grows  deeper,  the  de- 
pendence which  increases  as  the  years  roll  on, 
are  better  things,  reserved  for  those  wives 
only  who  have  stood  shoulder  to  shoulder  all 
the  way,  not  dragging  him  back  or  pulling 
this  way  and  that,  but  bravely  planting  their 
feet  in  the  path  he  has  chosen,  and  in  hard 
places  whispering,  "Forget  me  ;  I  will  follow." 

It  is  to  women  like  these  that  the  sunset 
aftermath  comes  ;  to  wives  like  these  that  old 
men  turn  as  the  path  inclines  downward,  with 
a  beautiful  dependence.  It  is  to  couples  so 
united  that  God  gives  those  calm  years  which 
are  as  "  clear  shining  after  rain."  At  the 
doors  of  many  a  cottage,  at  the  firesides  of 
many  wealthy  homes,  sit  old  couples,  hand  in 
hand,  comrades  to  the  last.  The  gentle 
"don't  you  remember"  brings  back  memo- 
ries dear  to  both,  which  no  one  else  can 
share  ;  and  at  this  last  there  are  no  longer 
separate  tastes  and  desires  to  which  they  must 

249 


Home  Thoughts 


mutually  concede  ;  but  they  talk  softly  of  the 
swift  coming  time,  when 

"We'll  sleep  together  at  the  foot, 
John  Anderson,  my  Jo." 


250 


Purpose  and  Drift 


XXVI 
PURPOSE    AND    DRIFT 

A  HAND  on  the  helm,  a  course 
marked  out,  a  point  to  be  reached, 
—  these  things  are  worth  more  to  a 
woman  than  many  fortunes.  How 
readily  one  uses  nautical  similes  in  these 
days! 

How  many  thousand  women  are  "  settling 
down  for  the  winter  "  with  little  beyond  the 
routine  changes  of  house  and  clothes  to 
guide  them  through  the  coming  months  ! 
The  material  surroundings  of  house  and  per- 
son attended  to,  the  hangings  in  place,  and 
the  winter  costumes  ordered,  the  cards  sent 
out,  and  the  servants  at  their  posts,  what 
comes  next  ?  Like  Shamrock  and  Columbia, 
they  await  the  favoring  breeze,  and  like  these 
bird-winged  combatants,  they  are  sadly  apt 
to  encounter  disheartening  mists  and  the 
benumbing  influence  of  cloudy  calms,  which 
lead  only  to  disappointment. 

251 


Home  Thoughts 


Here  is  just  the  point  where  the  original 
intent  of  the  Creator  that  we  should  each 
"  fulfil  some  God-given  hest "  comes  plainly 
into  sight,  and  we  realize  that  we  were  meant 
to  work  with  these  nerve-tipped  fingers  and 
keenly  active  brains.  But  the  centuries  have 
so  shaped  and  moulded  us  and  our  lives  that 
multitudes  of  women  are  like  commanders 
of  great  armies  in  time  of  peace :  their  weap- 
ons rust  in  their  arsenals. 

The  varying  status  of  feminine  existence 
in  our  strangely  varying  social  life  makes 
it  hard  for  habit,  or  even  convention  —  that 
all-powerful  influence  —  to  establish  prece- 
dents or  set  in  motion  tides  of  opinion  re- 
garding the  ordering  of  our  daily  activities. 
The  very  rich  women  of  our  great  cities 
are  caught  in  violent  currents  which  bear 
them  on  with  bewildering  force.  Social 
duties  are  strong  duties,  not  to  be  set  aside 
if  society  is  to  'maintain  its  due  place  as  a 
ministry  for  good.  No  man  deprived  of 
social  diversion  and  social  broadening  is  a 
symmetrical  man,  or  fit  to  do  his  best  with 
his  powers  ;  no  woman   has  fulfilled  her  mis- 

252 


Purpose  and  Drift 


sion  if  she  does  not  exercise  some  beneficent 
and  beautifying  authority  over  the  circle  in 
which  she  moves.  But  these  things  do  not 
include  or  arise  from  an  abandonment  of 
time  and  money  and  all  one's  energies  to 
whatever  may  lay  its  clutches  upon  us,  and 
they  lie  far  and  away  outside  of  the  uplifting 
use  of  bringing  men  and  women  together  for 
the  delight  of  sharing  their  personal  gifts 
one  with  another.  A  struggle  to  outdo  our 
neighbors,  to  be  the  astonishing  inventor  of 
some  new  thing,  to  grasp  for  ourselves  all 
that  our  world  offers,  is  not  a  social  duty, 
nor  does  it  make  us  a  help  to  the  happiness 
of  our  fellow-beings. 

I  think,  or  rather  speak,  first  of  women 
who  are  very  rich  and  hold  a  place  that 
certainly  will  bring  to  them  endless  activities, 
whether  they  seek  them  or  not,  because  they 
are  continually  in  the  public  vision,  and  seem 
a  controlling  force  in  a  certain  not  small 
sense.  Yet  it  is  rarely  a  fact  that  out  of 
this  class  comes  one  who  deliberates  what 
she  will  do  with  the  enormous  power  which 
lies  waiting    her    orders.     Still    more    rare   is 

253 


Home  Thoughts 


it  for  any  such  endowed  woman  to  plan  out 
a  distinct,  well-considered  purpose  by  which 
she  shall  gladden  life  about  her,  and  rise 
herself  as  she  works  to  a  noble  end  by  the 
fair  steps  she  plants  for  others. 

But  there  is  a  far  larger  class  of  our 
country-women,  in  city,  and  town,  and  vil- 
lage all  over  the  land,  whose  lives  are  not 
burdened  with  the  responsibilities  of  wealth, 
yet  have  comfortable  incomes,  relieving  them 
from  labor  and  anxiety  ;  who  rise  and  sleep, 
give  orders,  shop,  visit,  "  see  to  the  chil- 
dren,"—  curious  phrase,  —  and  never  dream 
of  directing  the  course  of  their  gentle  lives, 
nor  of  saying  what  shall  be  the  next  step 
to  take. 

There  cannot  be  one  woman  in  such  cir- 
cumstances as  these  who  is  incapable  of  or 
unequal  to  the  attainment  of  something  good 
for  herself  and  her  neighborhood ;  all  that 
is  needed  is  a  will  to  carry  out  a  well-arranged 
purpose.  Each  of  us  has  a  preference,  a 
leaning  toward  some  special  activity.  The 
mind  may  be  athirst  for  stimulating,  energiz- 
ing   tonics  ;     the    fingers    may    be    eager    for 

254 


Purpose  and  Drift 


artistic  or  other  clever  uses  ;  the  heart  may 
yearn  to  heal  and  enrich  sad  lives  and  im- 
poverished bodies,  —  what  we  need  to  do  is  to 
choose  our  path  and  set  about  determinately 
to  keep  it  clear  and  walk  in  it. 

So  often  a  plaintive  voice  will  say  with  true 
sincerity  in  its  tone :  "  I  should  so  enjoy 
doing  something  of  that  sort,"  —  meaning 
one  or  other  form  of  womanly  advancement, 
— "  but  I  never  have  the  opportunity  offered 
me."  Opportunities  are  rarely  offered  us ; 
we  have  to  make  them  and  keep  them 
open  and  free,  and  bring  a  fleet  of  bristling 
protectors  to  warn  off  obstructing  interlo- 
pers. Says  the  old  Greek  hymn  of  St.  John 
of  Damascus,  "  I  will  be  crowned."  In 
this  spirit  only  can  we  obtain  the  control 
of  our  lives  and  cease  to  drift  with  wind 
and  tide  in  purposeless  dulness,  attaining 
nothing. 

A  veil  of  tenderness  dims  the  eyes  which 
strive  to  look  into  those  pathetic  lives  that 
are  led  by  women  detached  from  the  blessed 
service  of  wifehood.  Be  they  unmarried  or 
widowed,  they   have  to  live  without  the  en- 

255 


Home  Thoughts 


riching,  uplifting,  recompensing  duties  by 
which  their  more  favored  sisters  are  called 
daily  to  some  act  bringing  good  for  those 
they  love  best. 

At  times,  we  have,  within  a  narrow  radius 
close  under  our  observation,  not  a  few  of 
these,  perhaps  all  more  or  less  gifted,  each 
stationary  in  her  place,  delighted  when  some 
chance  arises  to  do  good,  or  help,  or  fill 
some  vacant  office.  A  thoughtful  invitation 
to  drive,  or  walk,  or  dine  diversifies  a  sadly 
monotonous  existence.  An  illness  gives 
them  the  happy  opportunity  to  read  to  an 
invalid,  or  sooth  a  restless  child,  or  tempo- 
rarily take  up  the  reins  of  government  which 
have  fallen  from  the  disabled  hands  of  sister 
or  friend.  These  are  to  them  like  the  visits 
of  "  the  angel  "  who  of  old  was  said  to  stir 
the  waters  of  healing  Bethesda.  New  life,  a 
ripple  of  joy  overflows  the  heart  which  finds 
itself  necessary  and  of  use  in  the  world. 

Not  one  such  life  need  to  lie  drifting  on 
the  uncertain  tide  of  daily  existence.  Given 
that  the  powers  are  few,  the  means  limited, 
the  field  circumscribed,  a  well-chosen  purpose 

256 


Purpose  and  Drift 


to  accomplish  something  for  one's  self  and 
one's  neighbors,  adhered  to  with  patient 
assiduity,  must  —  there  is  no  peradventure 
—  must  accomplish  an  end.  No  one  need 
be  without  an  interesting  activity  beneficent 
to  others,  and  of  untold  value  to  herself. 
But  it  will  never  come  and  thrust  its  hand 
in  ours  and  say,  "  Come,  use  me." 

The  trouble  is  that  we  do  not  like  to  do 
things  alone  ;  we  do  not  want  to  make  ven- 
tures, and  find  them  mistaken  in  their 
premises ;  we,  above  all,  do  not  wish  to 
seem  singular  or  pretentious.  Another  hin- 
drance is  that  beginnings  have  to  be  small. 
There  is  a  brave  old  proverb  that  applies 
vigorously  to  all  these  :  "  Nothing  venture, 
nothing  have."     Try  its  efficacy. 

Even  a  purely  self-seeking  purpose  is  far 
better  than  none.  If  it  be  only  so  much 
advance  on  pure  drift  as  planning  out  a 
course  of  reading,  or  the  study  of  a  language, 
or  even  to  make  a  daily  visit  where  art  holds 
some  teaching  court :  to  say  you  will  do  it, 
and  steadfastly  adhere  to  your  purpose, 
strengthens  every  sinew  of  character  and 
17  257 


Home  Thoughts 


makes  you  a  worthier  woman  and  a  pleas- 
anter  companion.  Your  "  shoulder  to  the 
wheel  of  progress  "  will  be  of  far  more  use 
than  if  you  sat  like  Marianna  at  your 
chamber  window,  and  said  of  longed-for 
opportunity,  "  It  cometh  not." 

And  still  further  within  the  projected 
shadow  of  sorrow's  widespread  wings  sit 
those  who  are  physically  feeble,  and  whose 
best  purposes  must  always  be  coupled  with 
a  submissive  "  if  I  am  able."  Yet  even  here 
purpose  gives  strength.  Though  we  may 
not  do  it  to-day,  to-morrow  will  come,  and 
if  our  faces  are  sincerely  set  to  reach  the  post 
of  victory  we  shall  at  some  time  reach  it. 

In  the  baleful  story  of"  Jude,"  Mr.  Hardy's 
exquisitely  poetic  picture  of  how  Oxford 
towers  looked  to  the  undeveloped  lad  as  he, 
gazing  afar,  saw  opalescent  gleams  through 
which  they  lured  him  on,  is  a  tragic  forecast 
of  the  fate  of  the  weak,  uncertain  man,  after- 
ward to  die  so  wretchedly  within  the  city's 
walls.  Mists,  though  irradiated  with  gold, 
are  illusive  :  we  want  to  see  our  destined  end 
clear-cut  and  strong,  a  thing  real  and  positive 

258 


Purpose  and  Drift 


standing  before  us,  before  we  have  any  good 
hope  of  success. 

If  the  degraded  lives  of  our  fellow-creatures, 
the  dark  spots  of  human  existence,  prove  the 
exciting  cause  of  strong  desire  in  us  ;  if  the 
"  cry  of  the  children  "  reaches  our  ears,  and 
stirs  our  hearts  ;  if  the  wish  to  brighten  lives 
near  our  hand,  and  heal  that  well-clothed 
Lazarus  who  sits  at  most  of  our  gates  asking 
for  aid  for  hidden  sores  ;  if  the  mere  craving 
for  use  of  our  own  intellectual  powers  is  the 
moving  influence  of  our  sometimes  thoughts, 
—  let  them  in  and  woo  them  to  take  root  and 
bring  forth  harvests. 

A  trifling  advance  day  by  day,  a  step  taken 
regularly  and  repeatedly  once  a  week,  a 
garment  made  by  long  endeavor,  an  hour 
given  with  fixed  perseverance  where  children 
lie  in  helpless  sufi^ering  —  the  smallest  thing 
"  done  with  a  will  "  and  persevered  in  against 
the  long  odds  of  interruption  and  disappoint- 
ing hindrances  and  the  disheartening  pressure 
of  disease,  ennoble  life  and  make  our  existence 
a  pleasure  and  a  benefit. 

A  perplexed,  aspiring  young  woman  once 

259 


Home  Thoughts 


took  counsel  of  a  very  important  and  suc- 
cessful matron,  asking  how  she  accomplished 
her  extraordinary  work.  "  I  have  taught  my- 
self to  say  no,"  she  said  promptly.  "When 
I  have  decided  to  do  a  certain  thing  at  a 
certain  time,  I  keep  to  my  purpose  though 
I  run  the  risk  of  being  thought  selfish  and 
ungracious.  My  friends  now  know  that  I 
am  only  too  glad  to  do  what  they  ask  when  1 
have  the  opportunity."  There  is  no  question 
as  to  the  practical  value  of  this  resolution  ;  if 
you  have  set  a  day  and  hour  for  doing  a  thing, 
and  especially  if  you  have  promised  to  co-oper- 
ate with  another,  the  only  way  to  succeed  is 
to  shake  off  all  that  calls  you  away  from  your 
purpose. 

There  is  an  irresistible  tendency  to  envy 
the  energetic  lives  of  the  young  women  whom 
we  see  every  morning  coming  like  a  small 
army  to  take  their  places  at  office,  desk,  and 
shop-counter,  each  speeding  to  the  work  on 
which  her  own  and  mayhap  many  another 
life  depends.  There  is  an  alert,  earnest, 
satisfied  look  in  even  the  faces  which  are 
otherwise  unattractive,  that  one   cannot   help 

260 


Purpose  and  Drift 


seeing  betrays  self-satisfaction.  We  have  a 
fair  "  fighting  chance  "  to  gain  that  same  air 
of  self-content  without  contending  with  what 
these  working  sisters  of  ours  have  to  endure. 
Ours  is  the  right  to  hope  for  and  win  the  cup 
that  life  holds  out,  brimful  of  satisfaction. 


a6i 


Home  Thoughts 


XXVII 

DISAPPOINTMENT    NOT 
FAILURE 

IF  there  is  an  experience  in  which  all  of 
us  have  a  common  and  a  certain  share, 
it  is  the  disheartening  one  of  disappoint- 
ment, and  yielding  to  its  influences,  either 
as  a  token  of  incapacity  in  ourselves,  or  as  an 
evidence  of  adverse  fate  hindering  our  lives, 
is  the  common  ruin  of  myriads  of  men  and 
women.  Sometimes  it  is  a  call  to  endurance 
without  which  half  our  strength  would  lie 
dormant ;  sometimes  it  is  a  summons  to 
heroic  endeavor  for  others  which  changes  our 
condition  from  selfish  lassitude  to  an  elevating 
energy  ;  sometimes  it  is  a  command  to  show 
forth  the  beauty  of  a  soul  which  makes  its 

•'  Own  light 
Through  darkness  far  to  go." 

It  is  an  open  question  which  of  life's  ex- 
tremes  suffers    most   from    the   vanishing  of 

262 


Disappointment  not  Failure 

some  bright  expectation,  or  the  closing  of 
some  door  of  hope  toward  which  our  ener- 
gies have  pressed.  Youth  has  in  itself  that 
dear  spring  of  vitality  which  allows  it  to 
rekindle  desire  after  one  dream  has  faded. 
But  there  is  something  wonderfully  pathetic 
in  the  surprise  with  which  the  young  heart 
first  learns  the  force  of  disappointment. 
Given  certain  premises,  it  had  seemed  so  sure, 
so  beyond  controversy,  that  success  must 
crown  effort.  The  first  shock  of  discovery 
that  human  endeavor  and  judgment  are  both 
wholly  untrustworthy,  and  that  "  there  is  a 
power  which  shapes  our  ends  "  against  which 
the  most  impetuous  and  well-directed  endeavor 
is  as  futile  as  the  spray  which  strikes  a  rock, 
is  to  the  undisciplined  nature  a  terrible  dis- 
closure ;  to  those  who  do  not  recognize  in 
this  commanding  power,  not  only  "  divinity," 
but  a  beneficent  Fatherhood  controlling  for 
good,  it  is  too  often  a  temptation  to  despair. 

And  to  the  old,  who  having  learned  the 
necessity  to  distrust  the  outcome  of  their 
most  promising  plans,  yet  in  late  life  see 
some  golden  gate  shining  through   the  mists 

263 


Home  Thoughts 


of  their  waning  years  with  such  a  lovely 
lustre  that  they  venture  to  think  :  "  At  last 
Elysium  is  in  sight,"  there  comes  a  bitterness 
unknown  to  youth.  For  these  there  comes 
no  to-morrow ;  their  day  is  past ;  their  force 
is  spent. 

To  both  stages  of  disillusion  there  is  but 
one  helper :  disappointment  never  can  be 
failure  except  within  the  narrow  limit  of  the 
endeavor  we  are  then  making.  If  it  controls 
all  of  a  man  or  woman's  life,  it  is  the  fault 
of  the  individual  and  not  due  to  the  actual 
force  of  the  circumstances  which  surround 
them.  No  life  was  ever  denuded  of  hope  or 
destined  to  the  destruction  of  aspiration  by 
its  Creator.  "  Up  Guards  and  at  them,"  is 
what  turns  the  tide  of  our  threatened  defeats  ; 
life's  battles  need  the  tactics  of  Wellington  at 
Waterloo.  There  is  always  something  else 
to  do ;  the  "  thin  red  line  "  may  seem  so 
attenuated  as  to  make  resistance  folly,  but  it 
is  the  heart  of  the  individual  which  leads  to 
victory. 

Despondency  is  not  only  a  folly,  but  a  sin  ! 
What  gives  it  opportunity  to  hold  us  in  its 

264 


Disappointment  not  Failure 

miserable  grasp  is  most  often  our  own  vanity. 
We  had  felt  sure  we  knew  what  was  best  for 
us ;  we  had  no  doubts  that  the  thing  we 
wanted  was  to  us  the  very  essence  of  life,  and 
we  cling  to  our  own  estimate  of  things  with 
such  tenacity  that,  being  turned  back  on  the 
high  road  we  had  chosen  to  travel,  we  will 
not  see  that  there  are  better  ways  for  us  to 
walk  in  and  that  our  short-sightedness  has 
been  unable  to  measure  the  future  which  is 
hidden. 

As  I  seek  illustration  for  my  argument  to 
what  an  array  of  forms  does  this  pregnant 
word  give  birth !  Disappointments :  that 
great  horde  which  is  synonymous  with  human- 
ity !  and  of  some,  how  hard  to  speak  with  a 
steady  voice  and  tearless  eyes,  or  write  with 
an  untrembling  hand  !  Yet  if  we  are  to 
enrich  the  world  by  any  influence  of  good 
courage  ;  if  we  are  to  be  helpers  and  not  hin- 
derers  of  our  generation  ;  if  we  are  to  lift  up 
the  fallen  and  dwell  in  homes  whose  windows 
send  out  light  of  good  cheer  into  the  world's 
night,  we  must  not  let  them  be  confounded 
with  failures  in   the  record  of  our  race.      Let 

265 


Home  Thoughts 


them  be  transformed  into  opportunities  by 
our  recognition  of  our  own  fallibility  and  the 
certainty  of  God's  wisdom. 

Perhaps  the  most  severe  form  of  human 
disappointment  comes  through  an  unworthy 
or  ungrateful  child.  Here  we  have  the  power 
of  hope  brought  to  its  minimum,  and  the  pos- 
sibility of  finding  ground  for  consolation 
reduced  to  its  smallest  power.  Yet  if  we  add 
to  the  weakness  and  selfishness  and  sin  of  our 
offspring  our  own  shipwreck,  and  make  of 
our  unhappiness  an  excuse  to  add  misery  to 
the  lives  about  us,  and  let  darkness  settle 
down  upon  all  of  life,  we  have  no  right  to 
say  that  we  were  justified  by  our  grief.  It  is 
simply  to  make  a  failure  for  ourselves  of  what 
might  have  been  a  chance  to  turn  from  our 
own  distress  to  lend  a  helping  hand  else- 
where. No  efforts  tell  with  such  force  as 
those  which  are  recognized  as  coming  from 
a  suffering  heart,  and  no  appeals  for  good  are 
as  eloquent  as  those  which  are  made  by  men 
and  women  who  forget  self  for  the  sake  of 
their  fellow-creatures. 

The  toil  of  years  is  futile ;  the  great  busl- 

266 


Disappointment  not  Failure 

ness  built  up  with  such  intense  labor  crumbles 
to  the  dust,  and  the  man  stands  dumb  before 
his  broken  hope.  The  boys  for  whose  sake 
he  strove  may  find  in  this  catastrophe  their 
salvation  from  useless  lives  of  foolish  luxury  ; 
his  daughters  be  kept  from  the  sorrow  of  love- 
less marriages.  There  is  always  room  for  a 
vigorous  perhaps,  that  all  moneyed  loss  is  a 
concealed  gain.  A  man  who  falls  with  his 
fortune  is  very  possibly  proving  that  he  was 
unfit  to  hold  and  use  it. 

Those  keenly  suffering  disappointments 
which  turn  the  bright  dreams  of  a  lover's 
heart  into  the  mocking  shadows  which  bid 
him  think  life  not  worth  the  guarding,  and 
attainment  robbed  of  the  guerdon  of  love  a 
valueless  possession,  too  often  succeed  in 
taking  from  a  man  his  best  incentives  and 
render  a  character  meant  to  be  great,  a  mere 
drudge  in  the  human  hive.  Who  shall  un- 
veil the  possible,  which  did  not  show  its  face  ? 
The  lost  love  so  coveted,  so  bitterly  grieved 
for,  might,  without  much  stretch  of  peradven- 
ture,  have  been  the  very  greatest  sorrow  which 
could  have  been   sent  to  him.      Many  a  man 

267 


Home  Thoughts 


who  has  clasped  a  hand  with  a  grasp  which  was 
strong  with  undying  devotion  and  the  deepest 
trust,  and  who  counted  his  wedding  his  tri- 
umph over  all  other  men,  has  in  after  years 
hidden  his  face  in  trembling  hands  and  carried 
his  grief  in  the  deep  of  his  heart.  This  disap- 
pointment which  he  says  in  his  bitterness  has 
"ruined  his  life,"  has  been  like  a  shield, 
thrust  between  him  and  the  failure  in  which 
he  falsely  counts  himself  to  have  fallen. 

And  far  within  the  limits  of  these  great 
trials,  which  stand  out  in  such  prominence 
among  the  throng,  are  those  every-day,  nay, 
hourly,  thwartings  of  our  honest,  earnest 
efforts,  which  seem  too  commonplace,  too 
evidently  to  belong  to  the  ordinary  lot  of  all 
men,  to  contain  germs  of  any  good.  We 
would  be  strong  to  do  and  labor ;  we  are 
weak  and  impotent.  We  would  make  a 
moderate,  reasonable  income,  and  we  cannot 
find  work.  We  seek  with  sedulous  care  a 
home  that  shall  be  at  once  a  wise  and  reason- 
able shelter;  we  find  our  judgment  has  been 
at  fault,  our  toil  in  vain.  We  set  before  our- 
selves a  task  for  the  good  of  our  fellow-men  ; 

268 


Disappointment  not  Failure 

our  knowledge  has  been  too  scant,  our  experi- 
ment has  been  tried  and  is  found  wanting. 
There  is  nothing  commonplace  in  any  or  all 
of  these.  However  they  touch  us,  in  whatso- 
ever measure  they  serve  to  control  our  lives, 
they  are  great  instruments  toward  great  ends. 
The  development  of  any  human  soul  is  not  a 
small  thing  ;  and  these  unnoticed,  unrecorded 
trials  are  each  like  constraining  moulds,  in 
which  some  individual  man  or  woman's  nature 
is  taking  shape. 

Let  us  neither  permit  ourselves  to  settle  into 
gloomy  belief  that  a  fate  is  working  against 
us,  nor  pass  even  seemingly  trivial  disappoint- 
ments by  as  things  to  be  pushed  aside  and 
forgotten.  Let  us  take  them  up  as  they 
come,  with  cheerful  seriousness,  and  see  what 
they  may  mean  to  us.  Were  we  too  confident 
in  ourselves,  too  eager  for  wealth,  too  self- 
absorbed,  too  unconscious  of  our  weaknesses, 
too  blind  to  those  of  others?  What  was 
there  in  this  might  have  been  ? 

And  as  for  failure,  "  let  it  not  so  much  as 
be  named  among  us."  That  man  only  is  a 
failure  who  makes  himself  one  !     In  one  sense, 

269 


Home  Thoughts 


and  that  not  a  narrow  one,  let  us  say  of  what 
has  disappointed  us,  "  let  the  dead  past  bury 
its  dead."  Not  by  fickle  change  of  purpose, 
nor  by  forgetfulness  of  life's  first  hopes  and 
loves,  much  less  by  putting  out  of  remem- 
brance our  mistakes  and  errors,  but  by 
summoning  these  all  together  as  our  treasure- 
house  of  experience,  through  which  we  shall 
learn  new  secrets  of  success.  Even  if  we 
should,  by  what  happily  is  a  rare  occurrence, 
fail  of  all  material  victories  despite  undaunted 
courage  and  perseverance,  we  shall  yet  be 
beyond  all  peril  of  failure  if  we  have  walked, 
as  men  should  walk,  upright  before  mankind, 
and  with  our  faces  turned  toward  heaven. 

Our  generation  seems  largely  separated  into 
two  great  divisions,  the  recklessly  confident 
and  the  sad  natures  who  shut  out  the  sun  and 
see  no  brightness  or  progress  in  the  world's 
advance.  Were  we  able  to  shape  our  des- 
tinies without  trial  of  disappointment,  the 
best  things  in  human  character  would  be  lost, 
and  unlimited  success,  surfeit  of  accomplished 
desire,  would  destroy  every  element  of  noble 

endeavor. 

270 


Disappointment  not  Failure 

Let  us  take  humble  ground  of  self-appre- 
ciation. We  are  amazingly  fallible,  we  are 
grievously  short-sighted  ;  let  us  be  quick  to 
look  into  our  spoiled  plans  and  vanished  ex- 
pectations for  our  own  mistakes,  and  see  if  we 
have  not  found  in  disappointment  a  true 
indication  of  our  fault. 

At  the  very  worst  point  of  trial  through 
unfulfilled  hope  we  have  left  to  us  the  power 
to  succeed  in  showing  the  very  noblest  traits 
which  characterize  the  truly  great. 


271 


Home  Thoughts 


XXVIII 

THE  ERA  OF  TOO  PLAIN 
SPEECH 

ALLING  a  spade  a  spade"  may 
have  its  advantages,  but  if  we  use 
the  respectable  name  of  this  useful 
domestic  implement  to  cover  a 
rough  and  merciless  discussion  of  all  nature's 
less  noble  processes,  and  the  laying  bare  of 
all  manner  of  evil  things,  it  is  seriously  to  be 
questioned  whether  humanity  at  large  gains 
by  this  modern   habit. 

If  by  "  spade  "  we  mean  the  bold  use  of 
speech  to  freely  talk  of  diseases,  and  every 
type  of  bodily  suffering,  we  are  surely  not 
enriching  the  thought,  nor  enlivening  the 
mind,  nor  adding  to  the  good  cheer  of  the 
world.  Time  was  when  it  was  considered 
the  extreme  of  ill-manners  to  talk  of  pains 
and  aches,  their  causes  and  results,  except  to 
the  physicians  and  those  to  whom  close  rela- 
tion gave  a  right  to  appeal  for  sympathy,  or 

272 


The  Era  of  too  Plain  Speech 

whose  love  or  friendship  demanded  a  true 
statement  of  conditions.  Nowadays  in  any 
public  place,  well-dressed  people  speaking  a 
cultivated  speech  will  while  away  the  ennui 
of  an  hour's  travel  by  minutely  comparing 
notes  on  digestive  processes,  or  describing 
with  careful  detail  the  horrors  of  a  surgical 
operation. 

I  have  to-day  an  impression  so  vivid  as 
to  seem  that  I  had  been  an  eye-witness,  of 
the  excision  of  a  diseased  bone,  which  came 
to  me  from  a  most  absorbed  and  eagerly 
interested  group,  describing  an  operation  per- 
formed upon  an  unhappy  football  player. 
Expletives  from  the  young  men  emphasized 
the  most  distressing  points  in  the  story,  while 
the  young  women  of  the  party  punctuated 
the  narrative  with  frequent  veiled,  high-voiced 
sounds,  as  if  they  were  themselves  in  pain. 
The  day  was  charming,  the  blue  waters  of 
the  bay  were  rippling  in  jewelled  brightness, 
the  passing  vessels  and  river-craft  were  flill 
of  suggestive  interest,  but  the  young  people 
preferred  the  operating  table  and  a  fellow- 
creature's  pain  as  a  source  of  mental  excite- 
is  273 


Home  Thoughts 


ment.  Worst  of  all,  they  were  speaking  of 
a  sensitive  man,  who  all  his  life  thereafter 
would  shrink  from  the  exposure  of  a  lame- 
ness which  marked  him  as  a  disabled  athlete. 
What  would  he  have  endured  had  he  known 
that  his  young  girl  friends  were  being  re- 
galed with  a  careful  account  of  his  suffering, 
the  expression  of  his  face,  the  exact  region 
of  the  injury,  and  the  amount  of  bone  re- 
moved ?  If  there  seems  a  lack  of  self-respect 
in  telling  all  our  bodily  ailments  to  an  in- 
different and  semi-public  audience,  there  is 
surely  the  worse  evil  of  lack  of  consideration 
and  regard  for  our  neighbor,  in  rehearsing 
what  we  may  know  of  his  disordered  system. 
It  is  very  noticeable  that  in  rural  towns, 
where  personal  interest  is  so  strong,  a  des- 
perate illness  robs  an  important  or  popular 
member  of  the  community  of  all   privacy. 

Some  truly  sincere  friend  calls  to  inquire, 
and  by  privilege  sees  and  catechises  the  nurse, 
and  goes  forth  to  tell,  without  a  thought 
of  doing  an  injury,  all  that  she  has  heard. 
"  The  pain  is  such  and  such,  the  remedies 
are  these,  the  cause  of  the  illness  is  no  doubt 

274 


The  Era  of  too  Plain  Speech 

the    great    anxiety    she    has    suffered.      It    is 

not  generally  known,  but   Mr.  's  affairs 

are  much   involved,  and   their  oldest  boy   is 
very  dissipated." 

Two  generations  ago,  not  one  person  in 
fifty,  belonging  to  what  was  then  called  "  the 
higher  walks  of  life,"  would  have  thought  it 
decorous  to  unveil  anything  physical  or 
mental  which  gave  pain  inside  a  friend's 
dwelling.  Being  disarmed  and  made  helpless 
by  illness,  did  not  make  life  free  to  public 
discussion. 

Certain  specific  or  hereditary  conditions 
of  disease,  either  in  mind  or  body,  used  to 
be  regarded  as  too  terrible  to  be  told  openly  ; 
friends  and  relatives  were  satisfied  by  the 
tender,  yet  guarded,  sympathy  which  reached 
them,  through  the  veil  of  their  reticence : 
I  had  almost  said  decent  reticence.  Now 
you  very  often  hear :  "  I  do  not  think  they 
speak  of  it,  but  I  really  believe  So-and-So 
is  showing  symptoms  of  insanity,"  and  the 
speaker  hears  no  echo  of  his  own  words, 
which  should  emphasize  that  the  family  desire 
to  avoid  publicity. 

275 


Home  Thoughts 


If  it  is  the  high  office  of  human  speech  to 
gladden  and  charm,  to  make  our  intercourse 
with  each  other  a  help  in  life's  journey,  what 
a  loss  it  is  to  admit  into  the  accepted  topics 
for  familiar  talk  the  miseries  and  diseased 
conditions  of  our  fellow  men  and  women. 
If,  of  all  our  possessions,  our  bodies  and 
minds  are  most  positively  our  own,  what 
can  be  a  greater  violation  of  the  golden  rule 
than  the  exploiting  of  the  failing  powers  of 
either  ?  What  does  the  world  gain  by  mak- 
ing free  discussion  of  the  most  unlovely 
aspects    of    physical    existence  a    fashionable 

fad? 

Laying  a  cautionary  hand  on  the  thought- 
less speaker's  arm,  the  writer  said :  "  Do  you 
think  he  would  desire  to  have  that  known  ?  " 
"Why,  there  is  nothing  to  be  ashamed  of 
in  being  ill,"  was  the  astonished  answer. 

Nor  does  the  plain  speech  of  our  day  stop 
short  with  the  discussion  of  disease  :  offences 
against  morality  are  now  considered  entirely 
open  topics  of  conversation.  The  "  touch- 
ing of  pitch  "  has  not  ceased  to  be  a  clinging 
defilement,  and   no  student  of  psychical  con- 

276 


The  Era  of  too  Plain  Speech 

editions  can  possibly  doubt  that  every  young 
mind  shrinks  with  less  horror  from  those 
forms  of  evil  which  he  or  she  are  allowed  to 
speak  of  freely  to  their  companions,  or  in  the 
family  circle. 

It  may  seem  the  assertion  of  a  mind  ham- 
pered by  bygone  beliefs  and  not  "  up  to 
date,"  but  whatever  the  argument  may  lose 
in  force  because  of  the  writer's  point  of  view, 
it  is  a  stern  and  lamentable  fact  that  many 
social  offences  have  ceased  to  have  the  awful 
significance  they  ought  to  wear  through  the 
habit  of  making  them  the  subject  of  familiar 
talk. 

Especially  is  this  noticeable  in  the  wretched 
details  of  divorce  suits  and  the  gossip  con- 
cerning the  marriages  of  the  divorced.  How- 
ever arbitrarily  and  unwisely  restricted  the 
opinions  of  our  forefathers  may  now  seem  to 
the  young  people  of  the  end  of  the  century, 
the  fact  that  the  home  was  more  sacred,  the 
reverence  for  marital  vows  and  obligations  a 
thousandfold  more  deep  and  binding  with 
them,  cannot  be  denied.  A  broken  marriage 
vow  was  an  appalling  thing,  a  divided  house- 

277 


Home  Thoughts 


hold,  a  public  sorrow,  and  the  shadows  lay 
deep  over  the  pathways  of  those  who  had 
forsaken   each   other. 

To-day  our  schoolgirls  do  not  shrink  from 
taking  partisan  interest  for  and  against  the 
separating  parties,  and  assert  their  beliefs  in 
the  rights  and  wrongs  of  the  case  as  they 
would  differ  about  the  merits  of  a  singer  or 
the  beauty  of  a  gown.  Nothing  awful  re- 
mains about  the  idea  of  a  dismembered 
household  and  disgraced  parents.  Lack  of 
religious  conception  and  of  hallowed  fervor 
in  the  marriage  vows  of  the  dominant  gen- 
eration is,  of  course,  to  be  held  guilty  for 
the  altered  views  of  the  gayer  world  ;  but  our 
fast  following  young  people,  nurtured  in 
better,  nay,  in  -the  best  and  purest  atmosphere 
our  times  afford,  are  distinctly  injured  by 
allowing  the  results  of  this  decadence  to 
be  an  admitted   theme   for   conversation. 

In  no  way  can  it  be  disguised  that  certain 
of  nature's  acts  and  labors  are  unlovely,  and 
natural  instinct  instructs  us  to  keep  them  in 
obscurity.  "It  is  a  perfectly  natural  thing" 
seems  to  mean  in  these  days  that  it  is  wise 

278 


The  Era  of  too  Plain  Speech 

to  talk  about  it.  This  theory  brushes  away 
a  veil  which  unwarped  nature  always  draws 
over  much  of  the  work  in  her  great  labora- 
tory. It  is  only  when  by  artificial  harden- 
ing of  primitive  sensibilities  men  and  women 
arrive  at  a  totally  unnatural  state  of  thought 
and  feeling  that  calling  "  a  spade  a  spade  " 
becomes  a  sort  of  mania,  and  delicacy  of 
speech  and  disclosure  cease  to  be  considered 
virtues. 

Carried  beyond  the  present  strained  at- 
tempt to  eliminate  all  "  that  old-fashioned 
affectation  of  refinement "  from  our  speech, 
the  common  usage  of  our  era  will  become 
"  brutally  sincere,"  to  quote  a  clever  man's 
verdict  on  the  trend  of  latter-day  conver- 
sation. 

Let  our  sorrow  for  our  neighbors'  ills  take 
the  form  of  defence  of  their  privacy  ;  let  our 
consciousness  of  evil  make  us  eager  to  rob  it 
of  progressive  force,  by  keeping  silence  about 
it  among  our  children,  except  when  in  earnest 
expostulation  we  bid  them  beware  of  it  and 
its  causes. 

Let  us  make  our  children  feel  a  responsi- 

279 


Home  Thoughts 


bility  as  to  what  they  talk  about ;  let  them 
be  taught  that  man  is  separated  from  the  rest 
of  the  animal  creation  by  his  power  of  speech, 
and  that  it  behooves  them  to  use  it  for  the 
disseminating  of  good  cheer,  the  distribution 
of  pleasant  and  hopeful  thoughts.  We  should 
remind  them  that  even  a  dying  animal  or  a 
wounded  savage  will  withdraw  into  some 
leafy  covert  where  he  may  hide  inevitable 
suffering.  Loss  of  a  stilted  high-flown  speech 
we  may  be  congratulated  upon,  but  with 
every  energy  we  have,  do  let  us  use  our 
emancipated  tongues  for  the  good  and  joy  of 
the  world  ! 

If  we  could  eliminate  personality  from  our 
ordinary  chat,  and  keep  its  disclosures  for 
the  few  whom  we  would  bind  to  us  with 
golden  chains,  it  would  do  a  great  deal 
toward  raising  the  level  of  our  verbal  inter- 
course. Not  only  this,  it  would  make  a  far 
more  marked  separation  between  friendship 
and  mere  acquaintance,  much  to  the  enhanc- 
ing of  the  value  of  the  first.  And  learning 
to  be  cautious  about  ourselves,  we  would 
naturally    be    more    careful    concerning    our 

280 


The  Era  of  too  Plain  Speech 

fellow-creatures.  How  dear  do  they  become 
to  whom  we  may  turn  with  the  glad  certainty 
that  it  is  of  import  to  them  that  we  remain 
well  and  happy ! 

There  are  so  many  delightful  things  to 
speak  of;  one  summer's  day's  experience 
shows  us  myriads  of  ways  to  diversify  our 
neighbor's  home-bound  thoughts ;  an  hour 
in  which  something  has  passed  before  our 
eyes  which  gives  a  grace  to  life  is  capital 
enough  to  work  on  in  order  to  brighten  an 
evening  at  home. 

It  is  wise  to  realize  that  our  thoughts  need 
clothing  before  they  venture  into  the  world's 
auditorium,  and  that  many  things  in  which 
there  is  no  harm  are  yet  not  meant  to  be 
talked  about. 


381 


Home  Thoughts 


XXIX 
DECLINE    OF    LIFE 

A  SINGULAR  dignity  encompasses 
the  death-beds  of  England's  great 
men.  Where  with  us  the  pubHc  hfe 
of  a  man  sinks  into  insignificance, 
and  the  family  circle  closes  about  him,  there  his 
great  associates,  his  beneficiaries,  his  pupils, 
sometimes  the  representatives  of  the  throne, 
come  with  reverent  fidelity  as  to  a  shrine,  and 
each  in  turn  thanks  him  for  the  labor  of  his 
life,  and  bids  him  God-speed  on  his  last  mys- 
terious journey,  from  which  he  cannot  return. 
It  makes  a  strange  and  fascinating  impression 
upon  one's  thoughts,  as  we  picture  the  debili- 
tated and  fast  dying  body  lying  in  expecta- 
tion of  the  mighty  summons,  and  the  noblest 
of  his  race  and  generation  coming  one  by  one 
to  say:  "  Hail  and  farewell." 

Recently  the  London  papers  have  given  us 
a  glimpse  into  Mr.  Gladstone's  bed-chamber. 
Rarely   does   so   clear  and   sharply    drawn    a 

282 


Decline  of  Life 


picture  reach  us  through  the  condensed  me- 
dium of  a  cabled  message.  "  His  windows 
overlook  a  field  in  which  a  cricket  match  is 
in  progress,  but  he  does  not  look  out;  the 
greater  part  of  the  time  he  lies  with  his  eyes 
closed,  only  opening  them  to  recognize  the 
friends  who  come  to  speak  a  last  word  with 
him."  What  thoughts  stir  in  that  large 
brain,  so  perseveringly  active  and  intense  in 
vitality,  we  can  faintly  discern:  "  '  Tell  them,' 
he  says  to  those  he  cannot  see,  '  that  I  shall 
never  forget  them.'  "  "  Grand  Old  Man," 
indeed,  ready  for  transition  and  for  that  fu- 
ture, the  nature  of  which  he  leaves  trustingly 
to  his  God,  in  which  he  has  no  fear  of  anni- 
hilation, but  anticipates  the  active  continu- 
ance even  of  his  affections.  "  Tell  them  I 
shall  never  forget  them  !  " 

Thinking  of  him  has  in  it  something  anal- 
ogous to  hearing  him  in  the  past  days  of  his 
eloquence ;  his  personality  acts  like  a  leaven. 
Those  of  us  who  have  passed  our  meridian 
may  well  consider  how  his  mental  force  has 
been  conserved,  and  by  what  means  the  last 
twenty  years  of  his  life   have  been   made  so 

2S3 


Home  Thoughts 


useful  to  the  world  and  so  pleasant  to  him- 
self. 

It  is  greatly  our  own  fault  that  we  so 
keenly  dread  to  grow  old,  and  so  quickly  give 
up  the  active  pursuits  of  life.  The  field  is  a 
different  field,  the  resources  are  not  the  same, 
but  there  is  a  definite  and  easily  attained  new 
area  of  usefulness  and  accomplishment,  if  we 
but  frankly  admit  to  ourselves  that  it  is  time 
to  enter  it.  "  To  those  who  have  no  re- 
sources in  themselves  for  living  well  and  hap- 
pily, every  age  is  burdensome,"  says  Marcus 
Cato. 

One  of  our  chief  difficulties  is  our  discon- 
tent with  nature  when  it  deprives  us  of  the 
employments  and  amusements  of  youth  for 
which  we  are  no  longer  fitted.  As  well 
might  the  young  strive  still  to  be  children 
after  maturity  has  opened  the  gate  of  life 
for  them  to  enter.  We  look  upon  age  as  a 
thing  to  be  resisted  and  combated  instead  of 
fitting  ourselves  to  enjoy  its  immunities,  and 
preparing  our  bodies  and  minds  for  a  new 
phase  of  activity  and  happiness.  Middle  life 
ought    properly    to    be    as    much    a   time    of 

284 


Decline  of  Life 


tutelage  for  the  coming  years  as  childhood 
for  manhood  and  womanhood. 

To  "  keep  one's  mind  intent  like  a  bow  "  is 
part  of  this  wise  preparation,  not  to  relax  or 
impair  our  habits  of  mental  alertness  and 
acquisition.  Why  should  we  cease  to  store 
up  honey  against  the  wintry  days  to  come? 
I  knew  a  woman  of  sixty-two  who  acquired 
the  German  language  so  perfectly  that  she 
even  wrote  the  Gothic  character  with  ease. 
Her  youngest  daughter,  having  married  a  Ger- 
man gentleman,  made  her  permanent  home 
among  his  people ;  the  gray-haired  mother 
acquired  the  means  of  endearing  herself  to 
her  son-in-law,  and  of  emphasizing  her  kin- 
ship with   her  grandchildren. 

The  sort  of  mercantile  way  in  which  we 
regard  mental  effort  after  a  certain  point  in 
life  is  passed  is  really  a  sad  mistake  even 
from  that  very  standpoint.  "  I  intended  to 
have  followed  such  a  subject  up,  but  I  am 
too  old  ;  it  will  be  of  no  use  to  me  now." 
This  generally  means  that  a  man's  activity 
in  his  profession  or  a  woman's  in  her  world 
is  drawing  to   a   close,  and  there  will  be   no 

285 


Home  Thoughts 


reward  commensurate  to  the  effort.  As  well 
say  we  would  let  our  limbs  shrivel  and  grow 
weak  because  we  no  longer  expected  to  run 
races. 

When  shall  we  need  greater  enrichment  for 
our  minds,  when  need  deeper  memories  to 
draw  upon,  when  require  larger  riches  of 
knowledge,  than  when  our  kingdom  is  nar- 
rowed to  our  firesides,  and  our  charm  for 
those  about  us  shall  consist  in  what  we  give 
to  them  from  within  ?  When  shall  we  re- 
quire more  for  ourselves  than  when  we  sit 
alone,  while  the  younger  lives  of  the  house- 
hold are  seeking  their  diversions  apart  from 
us  in  summer  fields  or  the  gayety  of  winter 
ball-rooms  ? 

Every  youthful  enjoyment  laid  aside  should 
be  quickly  replaced  with  one  suitable  to  the 
transition  stage  we  have  entered  upon  ;  every 
activity  abandoned  should  have  a  new  one, 
within  our  limitations,  to  fill  the  gap.  Solon 
said  that  he  grew  old  "  learning  something 
new  every  day,"  and  he  who  does  this  is 
never  without  a  certain  youthfulness  of  spirit 
which  binds  him  to  the  young. 

286 


Decline  of  Life 


A  gracious  dignity  beautifies  the  man  or 
woman  who  does  not  dissemble  concerning 
advancing  years,  but  seeks  to  develop  the 
beauty  and  influence  of  the  autumn  which 
may  bring  gray  hairs  and  wrinkles  but  need 
not  also  make  us  dull  or  uninteresting,  or 
take  away  our  influence. 

It  seems  as  if  it  ought  to  be  harder  for  a 
man  to  grow  old  cheerfully  than  for  a  woman, 
because  of  the  instinctive  delight  he  takes  in 
physical  strength  and  activity ;  but,  on  the 
whole,  men  bear  their  losses  in  these  matters 
with  composure,  and  in  any  large  assembly 
it  is  the  gray-heads  who  carry  off  the  honors. 
The  dignified  courtesy  and  fine  bearing  of  a 
cultivated  man  of  sixty  gives  him  immense 
advantage  over  his  son,  who  yet  wears  his 
manhood  as  a  garment  to  which  he  is  unused. 

To  women  the  loss  of  beauty  is  so  sharp  a 
trial,  the  change  from  the  grace  and  slender- 
ness  of  girlhood  so  severe  a  discipline,  that 
there  is  commonly  a  touch  of  acrimony  in  the 
phrase  with  which  she  sets  aside  some  pet 
decoration  or  some  fashion  which  it  would  be 
ridiculous   to  assume.      Unless  she    can    put 

287 


Home  Thoughts 


all  this  away  and  take  in  their  place  the  sweet 
calmness  of  later  life  to  render  her  face  lovely 
and  lovable,  and  for  the  rose  that  has  faded 
on  her  cheek  can  substitute  that  smile  which 
some  women  wear  who  have  conquered  and 
found  peace  in  their  victory,  she  will  lose  that 
rarest  beauty,  that  charm  which  no  one  can 
resist,  which  comes  with  happy  old  age. 

1  know  no  influence  more  potent,  no  fasci- 
nation more  irresistible,  than  that  which  ema- 
nates from  an  old  lady  full  of  experiences 
which  make  her  sympathetic  and  quick  to 
understand,  warmly  alive  to  the  love  affairs 
of  the  young,  tender  of  the  sorrows  she 
knows  only  too  well  how  to  comfort,  merry 
with  the  children,  reminiscent  with  her  own 
generation.  How  eagerly  the  youngsters 
listen  to  her  tales  of  times  gone  by,  how 
quickly  they  learn  to  take  her  unselfish  coun- 
sel !  When  a  good  and  clever  woman  has 
reached  that  beautiful  table-land  of  life,  from 
which  she  can  look  over  the  many  battles  on 
its  plains,  and  yet  feel  sure  that  life  is  worth 
living,  and  men  and  women  worth  loving, 
she  has  nothing  to  envy  in  those  beginning 

288 


Decline  of  Life 


the  struggle.      It  is  no  paradox  to  speak  of  a 
beautiful  old  age,  while  such  as  these  exist. 

No  degree  of  optimism  can  make  the 
ravages  of  time  upon  our  bodies  pleasant;  im- 
paired vision  and  hearing  are  bitter  trials.  But 
these  are  usually  the  slow  and  rarer  evidences 
of  increasing  years,  at  least  to  such  a  degree  as 
to  give  pain.  We  talk  of  these  too  much  and 
concentrate  our  minds  upon  kindred  evils  to  the 
exclusion  of  the  obverse  side  of  the  picture. 

The  regulating  the  habits  of  our  lives  so  as 
to  keep  health  as  the  handmaid  of  content  is 
no  small  art;  to  learn  the  use  of  gentle,  regu- 
lar exercise  and  sensible  and  invigorating  diet ; 
to  keep  every  power  at  its  utmost  output  of 
activity ;  to  keep  in  touch  with  the  day,  and 
temper  its  ardor  by  our  knowledge  and  ex- 
perience ;  to  be  a  balance  wheel  to  the  com- 
plex machinery  of  a  modern  household  ;  to 
strive  to  look  as  freshly  neat  and  as  fastidi- 
ously careful  as  in  the  days  of  youth  are  not 
easy  tasks,  but  when  a  woman  so  meets  her 
old  age  she  is  of  more  value  than  any  other 
member  of  her  family  circle,  and  need  not 
sigh  for  any  hour  of  past  importance. 
19  289 


Home  Thoughts 


Says  the  late  Master  of  Balliol :  "  Lady 
Airlie  rather  scoffs  at  me  when  I  tell  her  that 
old  age  is  the  best  part  of  life."  He  certainly, 
like  Mr.  Gladstone,  demonstrated  the  capa- 
bilities of  doing  good  and  acquiring  continu- 
ously new  power  to  the  end  of  his  vigorous 
and  intensely  industrious  life.  Reading  his 
frequent  assertions  of  the  gifts  which  age 
brings  in  its  hand,  and  especially  being  struck 
with  the  value  he  placed  on  the  activity  of 
mind  as  a  portion  of  its  duties,  caused  me  to 
think  of  the  homes  I  had  seen  gladdened,  nay, 
hallowed  by  those  who  like  him  found  in  their 
declining  years  "  the  largest  opportunity  to  do 
good  to  others."  And,  alas  !  I  remembered 
also  those  whose  added  days  were  but  as  added 
misery  to  themselves  and  their  families,  and  it 
seemed  a  legitimate  topic  for  Home  Thoughts, 
.to  ponder  a  little  upon  how  to  make  preparation 
for  that  new  phase  of  our  existence  which  so 
many  of  us  are  approaching.  The  youngest 
and  the  oldest  of  the  family  should  surely  be 
those  whose  lives  give  out  the  most  unalloyed 
delight  to  the  household. 

And  as  to  that  further  advance,  that  sure 

290 


Decline  of  Life 


transition,  to  which  the  sad-eyed  angel  we  call 
Death  leads  us,  the  old  heathen  said  :  "  If  our 
belief  is  true,  we  go  to  greater  happiness,  and 
if  we  are  mistaken,  we  are  sure  at  least  of  the 
surcease  of  every  pain."  The  great  Christian, 
sure  of  greater  and  unending  development, 
says  tenderly  :  "  I  shall  never  forget  them." 
Why  should  we  cloud  our  last  years  with  fear 
and  dread?  Rather  in  this  age  of  "  orders," 
let  us  create  a  new  guild :  "  The  Society  of 
Delightful  and  Happy  Old  People." 


291 


Home  Thoughts 


XXX 

CHRISTMAS   THOUGHTS 

1899 

THIS  year  especially,  with  the  sever- 
ity of  midwinter  standing  at  the 
very  threshold  of  the  cold  season, 
these  short,  dark  days  seem  preg- 
nant with  depressing  influences.  Visions  of 
sinking  ships  and  wreck-strewn  coasts,  of 
struggling  men  and  women  lost  in  snow ; 
of  frozen  cattle  and  forlorn  sheep  found 
huddled  in  death,  in  close-pressed  heaps, 
linger  about  us  after  the  day's  newspaper  is 
laid  down,  and  the  day  seems  scarcely  on  its 
way  before  the  level  beams  of  the  sun  slant 
in  from  the  west  and  we  have  to  seek  an 
artificial  light  to  finish  our  tasks.  The  death 
of  nature  this  year  seems  like  a  terrible  trag- 
edy ;  the  loveliness  of  a  resigned  and  beau- 
tiful decline  has  been  lost  to  us ;  the  growth 
and  glory  of  the  fields  and  hills  seem  to  have 
been  strangled  and  choked  before  our  eyes. 

292 


Christmas  Thoughts 


That  kind  of  introspection  which  numbers 
our  losses  and  fails  to  count  our  gains,  that 
sense  of  impotence  which  creeps  over  the 
boldest  hearts  in  the  face  of  the  furious 
aspect  of  storm  and  tempest,  stills  the  ambi- 
tions of  men  and  the  frivolities  of  women. 
What  are  the  boasted  forces  of  steam  and 
electricity,  and  all  the  long  catalogue  of 
mighty  things  which  we  have  trammelled 
and  tamed  and  put  in  harness,  before  the 
wrath  of  the  sea  which  tosses  our  great 
ships  as  if  they  were  cockle-shells,  and  the 
majesty  of  a  gale  blowing  eighty  miles  an 
hour  ? 

Even  the  small  aggravations  of  discomfort 
which  slush  and  mud  and  biting  cold  pro- 
duce send  a  man  home  in  a  bad  humor,  and 
make  a  woman  feel  that  all  her  plans  are 
futile.  As  the  father  turns  his  latch-key  in 
the  lock  and  stamps  his  chilled  feet  upon  the 
soiled  mat,  he  is  rarely  a  joyous  figure  ;  nor 
is  the  face  a  cheerful  one  which  he  turns  to 
the  world  as  he  tries  to  shake  off  the  snow 
from  his  umbrella.  But  let  him  hear  the 
rush  of  his  children's  feet  as  they  come  down 

293 


Home  Thoughts 


the  stair  to  meet  him,  and  feel  their  young 
arms  about  his  neck,  and  he  is  an  altered 
man.  In  ten  minutes  he  is  smiling  over 
their  excited  account  of  the  figure  of  Santa 
Claus  which  they  have  seen  in  the  window 
of  their  favorite  toy-shop. 

Nothing  daunts  their  childish  ardor,  noth- 
ing robs  their  visions  of  the  glory  which  is 
born  in  them  ;  the  material  has  no  influence 
on  what  is  made  up  of  imagination  and 
desire.  What  is  it  to  Alice  that  the  snow 
lies  heaped  in  sodden,  disfigured  piles  before 
the  door  ?  It  is  bright  and  pure  and  spark- 
ling in  the  country  where  Kris  Kringle  dwells, 
and  just  what  he  needs  to  make  his  sleigh 
run  easily  and  animate  his  reindeer.  What 
does  "laughing  Allegra"  care  about  signals 
of  distress  and  great  hulls  grinding  upon 
rocks  ?  Her  world  is  bounded  by  the  meas- 
ure of  a  "  baby-house  "  which  she  covets  and 
furnishes  in  her  eager  mind  a  dozen  times 
a  day.  Little  thought  has  "  Edith  with 
golden  hair"  about  the  long  hours  in  dull 
offices,  into  which  the  hurrying  sun  scarcely 
peeps,    while    clerks    are    summing    up    the 

294 


Christmas  Thoughts 


product  of  a  losing  business  year.  Radiant 
images  of  dream-dolls  dance  before  her  eyes, 
and  her  father  leans  back  in  his  arm-chair 
and  forgets  it  all,  —  stress  of  weather  and 
strain  of  tightening  markets,  —  and  laughs 
and  grows   young. 

The  sense  of  expectation,  of  something 
sweet  and  tender  and  lovely  and  embellish- 
ing to  our  lives,  enters  into  our  hearts  ; 
whether  we  will  or  whether  we  resist,  in  some 
way  Christmas  is  bound  to  bring  us  some 
joy.  The  fond,  clearly  materialized  wish  of 
the  child's  heart  is  not  ours.  We  may  even 
know  that  our  share  of  the  festival  will  not 
take  the  form  of  gifts  of  any  sort.  Yet  there 
is  light  ahead  which  we  cannot  shut  out,  and 
if  it  is  only  an  added  warmth  of  caress,  a 
more  than  ordinary  lingering  in  a  greeting 
kiss  which  enriches  us,  they  do  their  work, 
and  the  knowledge  that  they  lie  before  us 
acts  as  an  illumination  to  the  dull  atmos- 
phere of  the  dying  year. 

There  is  a  strange,  subde  force  in  the  far- 
reaching  spirit  of  Christmas  which  is  inex- 
pressibly touching   and   delightful ;    it   tarries 

295 


Home  Thoughts 


not  alone  in  the  dwelling  of  the  rich  or  the 
happy,  but  finds  its  cheerful  way  into  the 
dreariest  places,  and  creeps  into  the  narrow 
entrances  of  sunless  alleys,  and  brightens  the 
eyes  of  hungry  children  who  somehow  be- 
lieve good  is  on  its  way,  though  they  know 
of  no  full  hand  from  which  to  look  for 
blessing.  It  is  delightful  to  realize  that  the 
small  bare  feet  which  traverse  the  slippery 
pavements  are  less  tired  because  of  this  an- 
ticipation, and  that  scantily  covered  little 
ones  hug  close  together  on  cold  nights  and 
forget  to  complain  while  they  talk  of  the 
possibilities  of  light  and  warmth  and  feasting 
of  eyes  and  mouths  on  the  way  to  them  in 
these  dark  days.  I  doubt  if  there  is  a 
"  slum "  in  our  great  town  in  which  the 
children  are  not  acting  as  torch-bearers  in 
these  gloomy  days  and  nights,  and  waking  in 
the  dull  brains  of  their  parents  thoughts  of 
something  hidden  in  the  future  which  shall 
bring  joy. 

A  truck  loaded  with  the  cruelly-lopped, 
fast-bound  young  trees  which  will  soon  be  so 
gayly  dressed   will   kindle  whole  settlements 

296 


Christmas  Thoughts 


of  grimy  children  into  enthusiasm,  and  they 
catch  up  the  broken  bits  about  the  markets 
as  precious  treasures  and  wave  them  in 
triumph  as  they  run  toward  home.  No 
Hosanna  is  famihar  to  their  tongues;  but 
they  are  the  heralds  of  "  good  will  on  earth  " 
toward  suffering  men,  and  are  happier  than 
at  any  other  time  in  the  whole  year. 

We  cannot  be  cynical  or  cross  even  in  the 
pandemonium  of  the  toy-shops  which  at  any 
other  time  would  be  unbearable,  and  unless 
in  what  a  good  German  friend  calls  "  the  last 
despair,"  we  will  not  be  infuriated  even  by 
the  rudeness  which  snatches  the  thing  we 
hesitate  over  from  under  our  nearly  closing 
hands,  or  pushes  between  us  and  a  long- 
fought-for  goal.  If  our  pet  loses  that  especial 
curly  white-woolled  dog,  some  other  brown- 
eyed  little  one  will  hug  it  to  sleep  on  Christ- 
mas night ;  it  is  all  for  the  children. 

And  when,  in  houses  whence  the  minstrels 
are  banished,  and  in  which  the  yearning  of 
sorrow  grows  more  intense  with  remembrance 
of  "  happier  things,"  the  spirit  of  Christmas 
stands  hesitating  at  the  door,  let  him  but  find 

297 


Home  Thoughts 


a  child  to  lead  him  by  the  hand,  and  shadows 
will  fly  before  him.  To  how  many  a  grand- 
mother and  grandfather  the  sudden  entrance 
of  a  jolly  boy  or  girl  is  like  the  coming  of  a 
deliverance  from  bondage!  The  droll  little 
figures,  muffled  and  leggined  and  bundled 
and  "  happed,"  rushing  in  with  glowing 
cheeks  and  noisy  voices,  bring  back  the  days 
of  long  ago,  the  dear  memories  of  the  de- 
parted, the  missing,  the  separated,  and  the 
old  warmth  kindles  in  their  hearts  and  the 
old  delight  in  "  making  the  children  happy  " 
asserts  itself,  and  they  also  see  visions  of 
drums  and  rocking-horses  and  dolls  and  baby- 
houses,  and  forget  that  an  hour  ago  life  had 
seemed  narrowed  to  a  restrospect. 

For  the  dreams  and  longings  of  the  grown 
folk  we  may  have  misgivings  ;  they  are  rarely 
realized,  and  to  the  young  girls  and  lads  on 
the  threshold  of  manhood  such  intense  reality 
appertains  to  their  desires  that  no  "  almost 
the  same  thing "  fills  their  need.  What  im- 
possible wishes  sometimes  enter  the  unreflect- 
ing minds  of  girls  of  sixteen  and  seventeen  ! 
But   the   child-heart  is  so  easily,  uncritically 

298 


Christmas  Thoughts 


happy  over  so  little  that  we  can  never  fear 
that  we  cannot  make  at  least  one  little  soul 
blissfully  satisfied.  The  blessedness  of  caring 
for  little  things,  of  treasuring  trifles,  is  one 
of  the  joyous  qualities  of  childhood.  Our 
youngsters  may  all  shout  for  joy,  and  yet 
leave  us  something  to  carry  down  into  the 
dark  places  where  their  less  fortunate  brothers 
and  sisters  find  ecstasy  in  the  discarded  bit  of 
gilt  paper  from  last  year's  tree,  and  clap  their 
hands  over  a  string  of  colored  glass  balls. 

If  the  children's  expectation  of  receiving 
and  dreams  of  acquisition  are  delightful  to 
their  dear  hearts  and  keep  them  on  a  sort  of 
mental  tip-toe  through  these  gloomy  weeks, 
surely  the  making  ready  to  gratify  them, 
which  is  our  share,  is  the  better  half  of  all 
this  vivifying,  cheering  preparation. 

There  are  old  women,  I  know  one  very 
intimately,  who  absolutely  enjoy  the  beauty 
of  a  sweet-faced  doll,  and  take  the  keenest 
pleasure  in  examining  the  dainty  clothing  and 
delicate  fineness  of  detail  which  should  always 
enhance  its  charm.  An  instinctive  gesture 
of  protection    and   care  will    arise   in   even   a 

299 


Home  Thoughts 


grandame's  heart  as  she  fancies  how  her 
namesake  of  the  second  generation  will  cuddle 
her  baby  in  her  round  arms,  and  sees  a  vision 
of  the  soft  cheek  laid  against  dolly's  flaxen 
curls. 

I  remember  well  seeing  two  fathers,  men 
of  affairs,  known  well  in  New  York's  busiest 
places  of  struggle,  who,  after  a  happy  hour 
spent  in  dressing  a  tree  for  a  family  of  boys, 
sat  down  upon  the  floor  of  a  stately  hall  and 
played  marbles  with  many  a  reminiscent  word 
about  "  alleys  "  and  long-forgotten  terms  of 
the  game.  Something  so  vital  had  come  to 
them  in  handling  and  admiring  and  labelling 
these  toys  that  they  were  children  again  for 
the  moment  and  believed  in  Santa  Claus  in 
the  old  heart-warming  way.  Keen  sportsmen 
both,  they  raised  air-guns  to  their  shoulders, 
and  ran  a  sharp  glance  down  the  barrels,  and 
smacked  whips  and  admired  toy  soldiers,  and 
were  wholly  at  the  mercy  of  the  ruling  spirit 
of  the  night. 

What  shall  take  us  out  of  ourselves  ?  Alas ! 
how  seldom  does  such  a  blessed  power  arise 
and  control  us.      Here  it  is  now  coming  fast 

300 


Christmas  Thoughts 


upon  us,  though  the  heavens  are  dark,  and 
the  wind  is  cold,  and  the  sun  comes  late  and 
leaves  early ;  there  must  be  a  hard  crust  of 
selfishness  and  a  bitter  spirit  of  discontent  to 
build  a  barrier  that  can  stay  its  progress.  To 
one  who  is  not  absolutely  world-hardened 
there  is  this  one  chance  in  the  year  to  be 
"  out  of  it  all  "  and  in  touch  with  joy  and 
gratitude,  and  to  kindle  by  the  flame  of  the 
Christmas  candles  warm  fires  of  happiness 
and  comfort  in  strange  places  where  they 
were  never  felt  before. 

It  was  said  of  old  in  a  vision  of  perfect 
peace  that  "  a  little  child  should  lead  them," 
and  if  we  would  feel  the  essence  of  the 
Christmas  joy  it  must  be  through  the  touch 
of  children's  hands  and  in  unison  with  their 
happy  hearts.  Perhaps  the  radiance  of  the 
face  of  Him  who  was  "  in  a  manger  laid  "  is 
yet  reflected  in  their  innocent  eyes. 


301 


Home  Thoughts 


XXXI 

FASCINATION     OF     THE 
UNKNOWN    FUTURE 

AMONG  the  influences  which  men 
universally  feel  is  that  which  arises 
from  the  unalterable,  arbitrary  divi- 
sions of  time.  We  cannot  logically 
account  for  it,  but  it  is  an  hour  of  mysterious 
charm  which  closes  the  last  day  of  the  old 
year  and  opens  the  gate  for  its  successor. 

The  quaint  custom,  of  Scandinavian  origin, 
which  bids  the  master  of  the  house  open  his 
door  at  five  minutes  before  midnight  and  wait 
in  silence  until  the  last  stroke  of  twelve 
announces  that  one  year  is  dead  and  another 
born,  is  full  of  the  feeling  of  expectation  which 
rises  forcibly  in  every  heart  and  mind  alive  to 
hope  and  fear.  The  vigil  of  the  dying  year 
is  very  far  away  in  its  purport  from  the 
benevolent,   cheery  watch   before  the   fire  on 

Christmas  Eve. 

302 


Fascination  of  the  Unknown  Future 

Inward,  unsaid,  go  our  thoughts,  and  the 
past  holds  us  with  detaining  strong  hands, 
saying  imploringly,  "Do  not  forget"  —  the 
unrecallable,  irrevocable  past,  out  of  whose 
clutch  we  can  wrest  nothing  and  which  has 
taken  away  so  much.  Let  the  dead  year 
have  given  what  it  may,  at  its  death-bed  we 
think  most  and  longest  of  what  it  has  taken 
from  us. 

And  when  the  clock  above  our  hearthstone, 
or  the  tall  old  timekeeper  which  has  measured 
many  lives  to  their  end,  or  the  deep  voice 
from  the  church  spire,  utters  the  final  sound 
and  the  last  moment  has  come,  how  few  there 
are  whose  hail  to  the  new-born  is  one  of 
genuine  joy  or  of  ardent  hope.  To-morrow 
in  the  sunshine,  with  friendly  hands  in  ours, 
we  shall  believe  good  days  await  us ;  at  mid- 
night we  would  fain  keep  the  old  year  yet  a 
little  longer,  afraid  before  the  hidden  secrets 
of  his  successor. 

And  what  possibilities  arise  to  fascinate  us 
either  with  joy  or  fear  !  Each  of  us  sees  that 
which  lies  hidden  away  in  the  deep  of  the 
heart,  growing  into  vigorous  life  or  fading  as 

3°3 


Home  Thoughts 


the  year  that  has  gone  has  done,  while  he  or 
she  peers  into  that  shadowed  future  which 
no  man  can  shape  or  control.  How  this 
scrutiny,  this  yearning  gaze  into  the  unre- 
vealed,  covers  all  life's  varying  schemes  and 
dreams  ! 

The  father  and  mother  to  whom  the  time 
has  come  when  their  children  have  grown 
into  men's  and  women's  estate,  and  for  whom 
they  can  no  longer  build  protecting  walls  :  in 
this  new  year  the  eldest  son  will  say  farewell 
to  "  alma  mater  "  and  take  up  the  burden  of 
his  self-support ;  the  daughter  is  only  waiting 
that  the  roses  shall  bloom  to  grace  her  wed- 
ding, to  take  her  sweet  presence  for  ever  away 
from  the  old  home ;  the  youngest  son  will  be 
launched  into  the  strife  and  struggle  of  a  great 
boys'  school.  None  left  to  need  the  guiding 
hand ;  what  will  the  new  year  bring  to  these 
emancipated  lives  ? 

The  young  wife  and  husband  greeting  the 
new  year  for  the  first  time  in  their  own  home : 
Out  of  the  unknown  of  the  coming  months 
will  a  little  life  come,  and  the  next  new  year 
find  a  third  loving  heart  under  the  roof  they 

304 


Fascination  of  the  Unknown  Future 


have  builded  ?  When  these  months  have 
run  their  course,  will  their  lives  be  thus  per- 
fected and  the  cup  of  joy  be  full  to  the  brim  ? 

Will  the  man  who  spends  this  last  hour 
brooding  and  pondering  over  great  schemes, 
his  wife  shadowed  by  his  sombre  look  of 
thought  and  troubled  by  the  absorbed  gaze 
which  sees  what  is  invisible  to  her,  be  as  rich 
and  powerful  as  he  now  hopes  when  this  new 
year  has  fulfilled  its  destiny?  Or  will  it  bring 
failure  and  defeat  and  bitter  humiliation  ? 
He  is  glad  when  the  loving  voice  beside  him 
says  tenderly,  "  A  Happy  New  Year,  dear 
heart,"  and  thrusts  the  dreadful  possibility 
back  into  the  darkness. 

The  aged  hearts  sitting  in  the  midst  of  the 
generations  descended  from  their  parentage  : 
how  they  scan  the  veiled  horizon  asking  for 
their  fate.  Is  this  to  them  the  last  New 
Year  ?  Has  the  beginning  of  the  end  come 
for  them  ? 

No  wonder  that  the  majority  of  religious 

people  keep  the  vigil  of  New  Year's  eve  with 

prayer.     No    wonder    that    whisperings    are 

heard  outside  the  windows  from  which   men 

-°  305 


Home  Thoughts 


look,  that  in  the  chimney  corners  seem  to 
lurk  spirits  of  good  and  evil  destiny,  alert  to 
seize  the  first  moment  of  the  new  day. 

None  who  think  or  feel,  come  to  this 
"parting  of  the  ways"  unmoved,  and  happily 
in  most  breasts  arises  a  spirit  of  resolution  at 
least  to  shape  their  own  conduct,  that  which 
alone  they  can  control,  on  better  models 
than  heretofore,  and  to  determine  on  some 
achievement  worthy  of  performance.  If  we 
could  but  take  counsel  with  the  lost  past, 
how  often  would  we  aim  more  humbly  and 
therefore  come  nearer  success ;  not  trying  to 
make  a  general  attack  all  along  the  lines  of 
our  mistaken  lives,  but  deliberately  to  take 
one  weak  point  and  carry  it  by  storm,  and 
hold  it  impregnable  against  all  the  assaults 
with  which  the  past  fights  to  retain  its  hold. 
The  making  one  well-considered  resolution 
and  holding  to  it  is  like  turning  the  enemy's 
flank  in  a  battle,  —  the  whole  opposing  force 
feels  the  shock  and  weakens.  To  grasp  little 
and  hold  hard  seem  elements  of  success  too 
little  considered. 

The  past  year  lies  before  you,"  says  a 

306 


(C 


Fascination  of  the  Unknown  Future 

wise  man  with  an  awful  verity  which  I  think 
few  realize  as  mothers  do.  "  The  results  of 
the  past  are  the  future.  We  go  on  to  meet 
them.  There  are  evolutions  downward  as 
well  as  upward,  and  the  past  years  ever  lie 
before  us."  How  this  verifies  and  attests 
itself  in  the  lives  of  our  children  !  What 
vigilance  it  incites  in  a  mother's  heart  to  con- 
trol the  temptation  to  over-indulgence,  to 
quell  deceitful  inclinations  in  their  inception, 
to  put  bit  and  bridle  on  the  varying  ten- 
dencies which,  hardening  into  habits,  become 
in  the  future  true  rocks  of  offence !  How 
often  would  it  nerve  a  tired  parent  to  perse- 
vere and  win  a  victory  could  the  error  of 
to-day  take  the  guise  of  next  year's  evil  habit ! 
And  in  our  households  how  this  truth 
stands  up  and  confronts  us.  If  we  have 
lived  beyond  our  means  this  year,  how  ter- 
ribly hard  it  will  be  to  live  within  them  in 
the  next.  How  much  harder  to  retrench 
than  to  go  forward  ;  how  mortifying  the 
reduction  of  a  manner  of  living  which  we 
should  never  have  attempted  !  The  past  year 
lies  before  us. 

307 


Home  Thoughts 


If  want  of  due  authority  and  neglect  of 
that  self-denying,  trying  duty  of  ruling  our 
households,  our  children  and  servants,  as  we 
ought,  in  order  to  insure  that  their  rectitude 
and  fidelity  are  at  the  proper  level,  has  given 
us  now  a  dominion  corrupted  by  eye-service 
and  untruth,  it  is  the  bequest  of  that  past  in 
which  lies  our  future  ;  all  we  can  do  is  to 
fight  it  where  it  stands,  and  look  to  it  that 
the  new  year  grows  no  more  such  harvests  for 
our  reaping. 

Courage  and  confidence  in  the  sure  results 
of  those  things  which  cannot  fail  must  be  the 
two  upholders  of  our  life  as  we  cross  the 
mysterious  midnight  barrier  beyond  which 
lies  the  path  we  shall  have  to  tread,  let  our 
wills  say  what  they  may.  No  trouble  but 
will  take  on  a  new  shape  under  the  pressure 
of  determination  to  make  the  best  of  things 
as  they  are,  and  to  be  undaunted  in  the  face 
of  fear  means  that  the  soul  and  mind  are 
nourished  by  a  sustenance  stronger  than  the 
world. 

To  look  forward  and  be  afraid  is  to  be 
defeated    before    the    battle ;    to    seize    every 

308 


Fascination  of  the  Unknown  Future 

vantage  point  of  hope  and  joy,  to  conserve 
every  ray  of  light,  to  make  much  of  every 
passing  pleasure,  is  to  lay  up  stores  of  am- 
munition for  whatever  combat  taxes  our 
strength. 

There  is  an  especial  pleasure  in  believing 
that  a  new  spirit  is  astir  in  the  land  which 
promises  a  widespread  increase  of  real  happi- 
ness to  our  young  people,  and  it  is  delightful 
to  think  that  the  generation  just  forming  their 
plans  for  their  new  homes  are  largely  pre- 
paring to  seek  their  happiness  in  simpler, 
healthier  ways  than  has  been  the  fashion 
among  the  last.  Men  are  more  ready  to 
begin  to  live  on  moderate  incomes ;  there  is 
more  talk  of  the  home  than  of  its  plenishing. 
The  children  of  wealthy  families  are  less 
averse  to  begin  modestly  and  demand  little 
from  the  resources  of  their  parents.  Very 
happy  beginnings  have  been  made,  and  are  in 
prospect,  where  a  small  apartment  forms  the 
domain,  and  one  efficient  woman  the  sole 
servant. 

Where  the  homes  are  suburban,  a  large 
proportion  of  the  newly  married  can  and  do 

309 


Home  Thoughts 


own  their  pretty,  simple  cottages,  by  help  of 
the  building  and  loan  associations,  and  a  few 
years  hence  this  past  will  "  lie  before  "  in  such 
a  smooth,  self-respecting  position  of  dignified 
ownership  as  makes  a  man  able  to  write  the 
word  Home  in  large  capitals.  It  is  not  alone 
the  place  where  he  lives  ;  it  is  a  part  of  him- 
self, available  for  all  the  improvement  he  can 
afford  to  put  upon  it,  and  subject  to  no  man's 
will  but  his  own. 

If  the  mothers  and  wives  of  this  portion  of 
our  country,  in  which  luxury  and  beauty  are 
more  tempting  than  almost  anywhere  else  in 
the  United  States,  could  start  each  new  year 
with  a  strong  purpose  to  lend  a  hand  toward 
the  increase  of  this  impulse,  and  set  them- 
selves to  rule  houses  notable  for  hospitality 
which  involved  no  lavish  expenditure  and  yet 
were  both  inviting  and  elegant;  if  they  could 
become  the  exponents  of  the  beauty  of  refined 
simplicity  and  the  teachers  of  what  a  wealth 
of  loveliness  is  obtainable  without  great  cost, 
and  free  from  imitation  of  prevailing  foreign 
customs,  the  new  year  bells  would  truly  "  ring 
out  the  false"  and  usher  in  the  true. 

310 


Fascination  of  the  Unknown  Future 

Beyond  the  thronging  ideas  with  which  wc 
determine  to  idealize  and  elevate  our  own 
home  life,  it  enriches  our  whole  view  of  this 
duty  to  take  in  the  silent  influence  of  what 
we  do  on  the  lives  about  us,  especially  on  the 
young  householders  and  home-makers  begin- 
ning that  dearest  occupation  of  man  or  woman. 
That  from  our  own  fireside  shall  go  forth  a 
persuasion  to  the  young  hearts  around  it  to 
find  in  "high  thinking  and  plain  living"  a 
satisfaction  which  never  palls ;  that  from  us 
shall  radiate  a  light  that  shows  the  foundation 
of  home  to  rest  on  the  absolute  truth  of  all 
our  relations  to  men  and  things,  will  not  be 
an  insignificant  contribution  to  the  prosperity 
and  happiness  of  every  new-born  year.  More 
largely  than  we  believe,  our  future  lies  in  our 
own  control,  and  let  us  not  forget  that  "  no 
man  liveth  unto  himself  alone." 


THE    END 


3" 


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